Picture warning! This may not be for everyone to see!
So you may or may not be aware that Lennon has an adhesive allergy i.e. tape, band-aid, etc. I think it has decided to show its ugly head after they pulled the big bandages off.
He’s itchy and still in pain but they are finally changing his medication around a bit to hopefully get on top of that. He’s walking several times a day by force and not by choice.
Did get a chance to talk to the doc and he’s a little bit worried about the holes in the bile duct (that they fixed) – Lennon’s pain hasn’t been managed well and he’s not urinating as he should. And in my mind, we have already been down this road some years ago.
Pump him full of fluid so he will pee and then he doesn’t pee an then he’s on medication to help him pee etc – I don’t want my head to go down the road and my heart already aches.
This time around I can’t be here the way I want to – I have to work which makes this difficult for both of us. I wish I could take his pain and I wish I could make him more at ease.
This evening when he stood up to urinate in the bottle.. well attempt to he became upset and said he wishes he wasn’t alive.. this is hardcore emotion and makes my heart hurt so badly. He isn’t really suicidal in the sense of having a plan BUT he’d rather be dead than to deal with the pain, the itchiness, the mandatory walking and urinating and ultimately to not eat and drink at all.
I don’t know which was easier – back then when he was younger and less mature or now where I can totally get what he’s feeling and saying.
And in hopes to make it somewhat better for him, I will lay here next to him and watch Johnny Test and hope that it is some kind of comfort for him.