Here you have filled with guilty because you can’t possibly meet all the obligations you have yourself committed to.
It’s not your fault.
We have been taught to be of service to everyone and conditioned to be a people pleaser and if we do attempt to say no, someone’s world is about to end.
Now it isn’t really going to end, is it?
People only want you to think it does and you in the process feel needed and validated in your service to them. As humans, we want to be liked and show everyone that we are the caring person they think we are but are we?
The verdict is that you are not found not guilty because of societal expectations that were driven into us on how we should be always.
You can’t be everything to everyone. It’s just not possible.
So, begin by saying no when it simply doesn’t feel good to do.
You are being selfish when you say no when people ask for help.
There is nothing selfish about taking care of oneself. How many times have you said yes in the past? Not so selfish at all is it?!
You can’t please everyone
Don’t worry about disappointing and losing respect because you may find that the opposite is true, and if it isn’t should they continue staying in your circle?
Saying No is not a negative thing
Think about all the things you are saying yes too, such as more time with family or friends, your sanity, and hobbies.
Notice the tactics of others
People will try to bully you, guilty you, whine at you and even give you compliments about you, just so you will help them. People will want to change your mind! How they feel about you not helping them, it’s none of your business!
There isn’t a thing wrong with assertiveness
When someone is coming at you with guilt or whiney gestures – the first thing you need to remain calm and speak in an even voice, then make eye contact as you are telling them no. Hello, confidence!
Stop apologizing – just stop that mess!
There is no reason to be sorry for not being able to help. Whether you have a commitment to yourself or someone else, it’s okay to say that. Over-apologizing makes, you look insincere.
Explain if you must – don’t when you don’t want to
There are different thoughts on this. You can if you like to give a brief explanation of why you can’t do something – or you just say you can’t.
When you can be clear about your boundaries and what you can or cannot do for someone, it is more about walking away with self-respect and integrity than anything else. If you show others that you respect yourself enough, their respect towards you will follow. And frankly, if it doesn’t perhaps it’s time to let them go.
Oh, and you are not alone by doing the right thing!