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Remove the “shoulds” from your life

A quick search on my blog posts, I can see a handful of times I have told you to “should” something.

And it’s really a word that can feel incredibly heavy.

Seriously, it’s hard to know what you want when you are “shoulding” all over yourself.

Do you remember your parents telling “you should do x, y and z so you can _______”

Or maybe “you should A, because _______”.

Or maybe even teachers, coaches and peers have given you a bunch of shoulds.

And let me tell you, it’s all a freaking set up.

It set’s you up for a life that isn’t yours to live. In fact, it creates a life on someone else’s terms. It seriously interferes with the heart of the matter:

Doing what you want by doing what you love!

For example, parents have told you that you should have good grades, so you can go to college, earning a degree chosen by your parents.

Or maybe your gym coach told you, that you should practice 5 days out of the week if you wanted to become a competitor. Now don’t get me wrong, becoming the best at something takes dedication and hard work and yes even practicing 5 days a week.

But if it’s a should and not something you want to do, it feels heavy.

A friend of mine is a writer and she believed that she “should’ be a coach. She believed that is what she had to do in order to reach her destination: To be a writer.

Should, just like doubt, kills dreams!

This is the kind of stuff that happens when you listen to other people and not your intuition.

Because of other people “shoulding” all over you, you will talk yourself out of it.

And it feels heavy because it doesn’t excite you or inspire you to show up.

The moment you let go of all the shoulds you will experience a sense of relief, a sense of freedom if you will. You will feel lighter because you are now willing to follow your intuition and your heart!

 

How to know what it is you want

It can be really hard to figure out what it is that you want when you don’t even know where to begin. And quite often when you ask you are being asked your immediate response is:

I don’t know.

It can be hard to envision what we want because part of us believes that it isn’t even possible to have and so we just tune it out with “I don’t know”.

In order to uncover what it is you want, take a look at your life right now. And we do this from working backwards by looking at things that have you lying awake at night or put you in a tailspin of emotional chaos.

What in your life sucks that you want nothing more to change it?

In what area of your life are you feeling frustrated?

So now that you know what you don’t want, it’s time to look at how you want your life to be. When you can describe the different areas of our life, you acknowledge that areas that need work.

I caution to the wise, don’t worry about the how and that is where most of us get caught up.

I want x, y and z but I don’t know how to make it happen.

Well, right you don’t but when you are exploring your ideal day, week or year by writing it down, your mind is already working on how to make those changes.

The how is really something that is coming naturally to you and you will only procrastinate on what it is you really want.

Here are some questions to start exploring your wants. Be sure to describe it in detail and really allow all of it to come in. Don’t allow your ego or judgment hold you back as you start exploring these questions.

Think it’s too far out of reach, write it down anyway.

1. What would your ideal day, week and year look like
2. What do you want your relationships to feel and look like – and break this down by person
3. What do you want your professional life to look like i.e. biz/career
4. What do you want your spiritual world to feel and be like
5. What do you want your finances to look like

Now at the end of this, you will have a much clearer picture of all that you want. Your mind will work on how to bring it into your life through ideas, connections and mere thoughts.

Here is something I want to be kind of clear on, however, don’t just focus on the material things because they don’t really help you achieve what it is you want.

If you want more money you may actually want security and safety.

If you want an amazing relationship with your partner, you may want love.

If you want a certain career or business you may want more freedom.

So allow your emotions to play a role in the things that you want because that is really what we are after and not all the material things.