There are some people in this world that can hit rock bottom again and again and the next time you look, their life seems to be on par.
And here you are wondering when the breakthrough, or rather the break free is going to happen.
And trust me when I say the people who keep hitting the proverbial rock bottom are wondering the same damn thing.
What keeps these people going?
Why do they not just quit and throw in their towel?
Well for starters, they don’t have it within them to quit, There is this internal drive fueled by the belief and inner knowing that in the end, everything is going to be okay.
That doesn’t mean they don’t feel the pain and the frustration. Quite the opposite actually, they feel it in every fiber of their being.
So what is it about them that gives them the fuel?
They get super clear on what they don’t want, maybe even make a list of it all. And then with purpose and intention, they rewrite the list with everything they do want.
I don’t want to be broke then becomes I want to always have money in the bank.
I don’t want to be alone becomes I want to be in a loving, funny, equal relationship.
I don’t want relationships that suck becomes friendships that are nurtured.
I don’t want my son to die becomes I want my son to have a full life.
I don’t want my kids to fail becomes I want my children to succeed.
I don’t want a soul-sucking job becomes a business that lights me up.
Transforming your thoughts and beliefs is a constant act of reminding yourself of all the things you have overcome and achieved and that inner knowing that all will be well in the end.
But ask yourself, what does having money in the bank look like? Is it an extra $100 or $1000? What will this bring you? What feelings will this give to you?
What does haveing a loving, funny and equal relationship feel and look like?
How about your friendships?
My son’s medical journey meant really turning on the faith and steadfast on the mindset that one day he will walk out of the hospital.
And the kids not failing mean that I am giving them the tools and resources to follow their own dreams.
And what does the work you do bring to you? What kind of work? What mission are you on when it comes to your job or business?
Being in the trenches and hitting rock-bottom looks very different for everyone. For me, it was always being broke, being homeless, my son fighting for his life and my job not giving me the satisfaction I wanted in my life despite the good I was doing in this world
Pulling yourself up is messy and requires a soul walk of sorts. It’s shedding all the layers you’ve been hanging onto for so long and embracing who you are at your core.
It is known that every action you are taking will get you to where you want to go because let’s be honest, no one loves living in the trenches but no one is coming to save you either.
You’ll need to – perhaps even a little more than you believe in yourself.
Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
Do you always remember the bad stuff? Does it replay in your head day in and day out?
Always so focused on things that hurt you, that even shaped you into the person you are.
What if for one moment you could try to remember the good stuff?
For 6 years, I practiced and played the recorder, learning to play Mozart and Beethoven, and for this, I am super grateful to my foster parents. There were days I would practice for hours, to make sure I could get my finger positions just right.
Music speaks to my soul!
In a conversation, I was reminded that my father loved music. He was the one that introduced me to the Rolling Stones and Queen. And that we spent weekends together, listening to the records just hanging out.
Music connects me in ways I can’t explain, but it has the power to speak directly to my soul and at any given day I have music lyrics make their presence in my mind.
Not all memories are bad!
It is far more challenging to find the good memories when there have been so many bad ones, but that’s your ego always telling you to be wary, to be aware and not be too open with your hearts.
But what if you could for each moment that you are here, you try to remember the good.
What if you could for each moment that the pain rises, you remember the good times?
Hanging onto the pain does not change your life!
I don’t know where my father is today, according to some sources he vanished in the tsunami in 2004, and I’d like to think that the lyrics that so often come to me are his little-guided messages to me. Telling me that all will be well, that I am loved even when it hasn’t felt that way.
Today I honor his memory jamming to his favorite band the Rolling Stones.
How can you honor a good memory today?
Thoughts are an inside action we do as a response to outside influences and the process that tends to be automatic and we may think of not having control over. However, allow yourself to become aware of your thoughts and start taking charge and allow your behavior to become aligned with who you are.
Sometimes the best way to take charge of our thoughts is to keep a diary and take note of how many negative thoughts entire your awareness.
As you are taking note of those thoughts, also write down your behavior because there is a link between our thoughts and our actions.
There was a time in my life where I was utterly frustrated and annoyed with life and how it was progressing. I wake up grumpy and go to bed grumpy all the while putting on a good face, pushing forward with the things that needed to get done each day.
What I didn’t do is acknowledge my feelings and thoughts and how pissed off and frustrated I was with life.
Cue personal responsibility and I haven’t had a case of the Mondays since then.
Every day we have a choice. A choice in how we want to feel, what we want to experience and how we show up in the world without pretending.
Here is what I learned, we are in complete control over our thoughts and our actions and behavior.
And it was up to me to make those changes and these changes included:
- Thought awareness – what thoughts am I experiencing without analyzing
- The behavior that followed the thought – how am I acting
- The impact of my thought – what does it mean and in what situations is this common for me
- What needed to change about my thought – what thought do I need to have to not behave in a way that no longer fits me
- What needed to change in my behavior – how can I engage and act now to support the thought transformation
One key element in this process is acknowledging that you are responsible for your thoughts and actions and therefore also in control. Which gives you tremendous power in creating the change you want in your life.
One thought can you change today that will move your life forward and what behavior will support this?
The language we use in our everyday lives is the element that either predicts our failure or determines our success.
Words are seriously powerful and when we tell ourselves that we must or we should, it really takes out the exciting and fun part of life and in business.
The words should and need not only place unnecessary pressure on ourselves it also leads to feeling failing at perfection. I have said it before but perfection doesn’t exist. It’s an over-rated label placed onto us during our childhood most likely.
Can you remember your parents, foster parents, grandparents, and teachers tell you that you “should” get an A, or you “should” be nice to the bully? Or maybe you are running a business and you tell yourself you “should” blog, or you “should” follow the rules because everybody says that’s how it’s done.
Yea I’ve been there. And can I be seriously honest for a second here, I am not against rules per say, but I rebel at them when people tell me I “should”. No one can dictate your life.
But what does that have to do with you?
Well, simple you’ve been conditioned to believe and do the same.
But what if for one minute you decide to live your life according to your own rules.
Get rid of the should, needs and the “this is what everybody is doing”.
What if you wake up every day and say to yourself:
Today I get to take a bath.
Today I get to work with a client.
Today I get to spend time with my kids.
Today I get to cook my kids dinner.
Today I get to eat a good meal.
Just think about it for a minute.
Now think about how you may have phrased all of those in the past?
I need to take a bath.
I need to work with a client.
I need to spend time with my kids.
I should write a blog post.
I should do a video.
Can you feel and see the difference in the wording and how much lighter it can feel when you rephrase your needs or should into “I get to”?
When we take on the stance of giving ourselves permission of all the amazing things we get to do every single day, we remove the pressure that we more than likely have placed on us.
I would love to hear how you are changing the words and the impact it has on your life and business!