Are you an introvert? Do you know if you are an introvert?
There has been so much discussion in the online world that creates divisions between and introvert and an extrovert. I also think there hasn’t been enough discussion online or offline because clearly there is something that sets one apart from the other.
I am only talking about my own experience here because I know that extroverts also need to honor and self-care or they too will experience a case of the burnout.
I didn’t know I was an introvert until I was in my 30’s. I didn’t even know the word existed nor what it means.
I lived all my life with the deep knowing that I was different while at the same time I was being taught that who I was, was the problem.
From a very early age, I was intimidated to talk about my problems, except that I didn’t feel like I had any problems. I was asked to smile more, to be more socially engaging and to put myself out there.
The only way I could maneuver this part was to consume alcohol because it gave me the “courage” to be more social with people but in the end, I only had superficial relationships, engaged in self-destructive behaviors and kept telling myself there was something wrong with me.
Introverts and extroverts maneuver the world quite differently because of the way we engage and deal with the energy of other people.
Extroverts tend to thrive on the social aspect and often grave to be with and around people. They are the ones that we see and hear more often than we would an introvert.
But extrovert also has the need for downtime or quiet time but perhaps far less than an introvert does.
The danger for an introvert is that because the energy of people can be so exhausting, they become reclusive. They hide in their homes or behind their desk at work and fear from stepping because sometimes engaging with people is quite tiresome.
Introverts do like people and can be quite social and in the moment, can be the life of the party, but not without some cost, unless they have learned to really take care of themselves.
As I am highly sensitive and intuitive I pick up the energy of a room full of people usually before I enter the room. If I don’t already have a relationship with someone in the room, I tend to be quiet and reserved so that I can feel my way through the energies and find my comfort zone within. I am less like to engage in conversation with someone I don’t know, which people assume I am shy. I am not shy, just reserved.
Part of the challenge to an introvert is to put themselves out there, to be vulnerable and connect with people because we connect so deeply and sometimes we don’t always have the tools to protect ourselves from negative or heavy energy.
So, what can you do to keep yourself grounded and still be engaged in this world?
- Be self-aware and engage in self-care. This can mean to take a bath or take a nap to recharge or watch mindless tv.
- Ground yourself every single day by going outside, barefoot if you can.
- Carry protective and grounding crystals, in your bra, or in your pockets.
- Go into groups (online or offline) with awareness of yourself. Have an open positive mind that you will have a successful engagement with the people in the room. Remember mindset is everything – introvert or not.
- Only share the things that feel good to share and do so a little at a time. Sharing too much too soon can leave you feeling exposed and have the opposite reaction.
One of my key things is to take a nap after I have been around a group of people. This key awareness has been super important when scheduling my week. Knowing how you react after will help you be prepared and engage in proper self-care.
Every year during this time, I spend time reviewing the year, the good, the bad and the ugly and the super exciting things that happened.
I also spend time planning my dreams and goals for the following year to follow my vision and create the life and business I want to create.
One of the elements that keep me moving is to really look at the lessons that I have learned, because they bring so much insight about whether my dreams are aligned with me, what new actions I will need to take and create my own freedom my way.
I am worthy and deserving of my dream.
This is so huge for me because I think that whatever messages I have received I allowed living in my subconscious. Externally I always believed that I can have my dream and eat my cake. It’s been a year of growth and really stepping up and into the person I am and I want to be. My word for the year was “emerge” but only after I did the work of feeling and enough doing this really come into play for me.
There isn’t a single thing wrong with being of service and earn money doing it.
I think for so long the message of being of service means that well service people don’t make a lot of money and that they shouldn’t because of the value we bring into this world. But here’s the thing, even people of service in coaching and healing deserve to be paid. This is closed tied to lesson #1. I know when I worked as a counselor the underlying message was that counselors don’t make a lot of money. Why the hell not? We are bringing a tremendous amount of value to this earth, so let’s earn that money while we do what we love.
Creating a vision is key
Creating a vision board of what I wanted my life to look like but also how I wanted to serve people helped me focus on the bigger picture. Even with setbacks of not filling a webinar or struggling to bring clients on board, there is a much bigger vision that I am fulfilling. By honoring this vision, not only for myself, I remind myself that someone out there needs to hear what I am sharing, even if they are not able to act this very moment. This requires me to believe 100% in myself and my vision and allows me to be present every day.
Patience is hard but necessary
Patience hasn’t always been my strength but I learned more and more that this is a necessary ingredient to my vision and my purpose. When I am feeling impatient, I simply remind myself of the recovery process of my son after his second liver transplant and it was hard to be patient during this time BUT being patient and persistent in my mindset work has paid off in full.
Your dream won’t happen sitting on the sideline
Dreams are awesome because they give us something to thrive for but the key is really understanding that dreams are earned. Dreams require some planning and total and complete effort in knowing that you are giving it your all because you can taste this dream and by not creating in, well life may just suck. Dreams require you to show up and act.
Surround yourself with like-minded people
If you have big dreams but surround yourself with people who love to complain and feed the victim persona, then odds are your dreams will not come true or they take 10 times longer to happen. By surrounding yourself with like-minded people, you have a much better chance for your dream to happen because the vibrations that you share with the world is positive energy. It’s that whole “If she can do it, so can I” process.
Invest in yourself
This has been so crucial to my learning process this past year. In 2014, I bought several courses because I am really a DIY kind of girl and learn best on my own, and really there isn’t a thing wrong with that. BUT if you really want to move your dream forward and get over the negative mindset and experiences transformation, hiring a coach has really moved me forward not only in life but my own business.
Do it your way
There are so many systems out there that won’t work for everyone and parts of it won’t resonate with everyone. There are some great systems out there, but ultimately how you run your life and business is completely up to you! Take the parts that you learn, find out if they resonate with you and then start doing things your way. There really isn’t a right or wrong way to do it, just don’t give up.
Comparing yourself to others – don’t do it
This ties in with lesson #8 in some way because I think when we go on the journey of transforming our lives that we get caught up in seeing what others are doing, how they are doing it and get stuck in comparison mode when we note they are more successful. It’s totally okay to look up to someone as a role model, but it’s never beneficial to compare yourself to someone. Each one of us is on a different journey that began at different times in our lives.
Love yourself to create your dream. Love yourself enough to take a break. I remember the days where I was always going and in some ways, I still do this but I have learned to shut down the computer and to lay in bed watching a show or even take a bath. It’s so crucial for your mental health to go out of your house, have some fun and nourish yourself with the right kind of food, company, exercise, and downtime just for you. These means have boundaries in place for personal and business!
Life is too short – stop waiting
Stop waiting until 2016 or another day to start working towards your dream. If you keep planning and you keep waiting, odds are that your dream will never happen. Instead, start today. Define your dream, be clear on why you want this and then decide to act. You never really know what you are capable off until you start doing and if you want it bad enough, trust you me, it will happen. Don’t wait another minute to go after what you want.
I would love to hear from you the lessons you have learned in 2015!
Sometimes the thought of alone scares us. We seek validation by engaging in conversation with others because we want them to tell us we are good enough.
We believe that others can help us not only feel and be enough but almost depend on it because when we are alone we have the hardest time to tell ourselves that we are incredible, worthy and enough.
In today’s world, it is so easy to compare ourselves to others and measure our success that we forget that they too have days of self-doubt. We think they have it all together and they are living in a fairy tale of a life that we can’t see we have our own unique story and skills that we bring into this world.
To shift from comparison mode sometimes we just need to go quiet and within and just spend time with ourselves, alone.
I remember a time in my life where I thought being alone was the worst thing because that meant I was not lovable and not worthy of friends. I since learned that spending time with myself is the best thing I can do for me because I can honor my thoughts and feelings without outside influences.
When I give into my negative thoughts I am really doing myself a disservice and I make a conscious shift to focus on the positive things in my life, including all the amazing things about me. It is so much more freeing knowing the good I shine into this world and creates a shift in my energy and vibration.
Being at peace with my past has probably been the most profound thing I could have done for me. We all have a story or two that left us shattered and hurt, wondering how we can go on with life. But the reality is that we can’t change what has happened, but we can take it and shine our strength despite it all. We can only live right here right now and by choosing to love myself flaws and all, I know that I am enough exactly the way I am.
So, when you struggle to believe you are enough:
- Acknowledge the present moment and how you got to this point
- Write about your thoughts and feelings, keep asking why do I feel this way
- Forgive what must be forgiven and let go
- Know that not everyone has it together all the time – we all have shit days
- It’s okay to look up to people but don’t compare yourself – we are never in the same places as others
- Focus on the positive things going on in your life
- Make a list of all the things that is right about you
The bottom line is there is nothing wrong with you or me. Remembering and taking note of the things that make us awesome and why we love ourselves will show you and me that we are enough in every aspect of our lives.
I am a huge advocate for NEVER EVER giving up on your dream. The reality is however that we create a barrier of fear and sometimes we have to take detours to really affirm what brings us the fire of what we really want to create.
Being clear about your dream and why you want this dream are only the first steps in turning them into reality. I will tell you that if you don’t know your why, you need to go ahead and figure out.
A really simple way to do this is by brainstorming all the reason you want your dream and the one that gets you super excited or brings you to tears, that’s your why.
Once you have discovered your why and committed to your dream the real work begins and here are 5 things to help you!
- You will need to do the work because no one can do it for you. Dreams are earned! This requires research and learning everything about it and thanks to the interwebs there are amazing resources!
- You will need to reach out and ask for support! You can try doing it alone but I am telling you that you are only making it harder for yourself this way. Find yourself a mentor or a coach who has done what you want to do! They have the experiences to share and help you along the way.
- Recognize they are always doubters and naysayers. We all have limiting beliefs and there are tools and resources to overcome them, but there are also people who believe that you can’t because of their own beliefs, get on your team. Know that this is their issue, not yours. Mindset work is one of the best things you can do for yourself, but it’s also the hardest work you will do. Once you get through those limiting beliefs, everything else will be easier.
- Watch your language and discover your barriers. What you tell yourself is your reality. If you say I can’t, well then you won’t. But if you get up in the morning and tell yourself “today is going to be awesome because I CAN take the next step, it will transform your world. Keep track of your thoughts throughout the day and see how many times you don’t really believe that you can have your dream, then start making the decision to change your thoughts. This means every time you get a limiting belief or thought, turn it around into a positive statement or affirmation.
- Respect yourself to take time for you. When going after your dream you can’t focus on it 24 hours a day. You must distract yourself with other fun activities. You need to put self-care and self-love as numero uno! Always. It’s so important that we include a self-care practice that honors us as we are creating this amazing positive change in our lives.
I want to hear from you! What are your limiting beliefs and how will you conquer them.
Finding free time is a challenge for most of us, especially when we are mothers. It doesn’t matter whether you are a stay-at-home mom, in a career or self-employed, balancing your own time is tough.
There are so many tasks and obligations we attempt to juggle only to run out of time, leaving us overwhelmed and frustrated that we, well don’t have time.
This often leads to feeling tired and wondering how you can bring in balance into your chaos.
Here are 3 easy steps to help you get started:
Look at your activities and take note of what is draining your energy.
Just thinking about engaging leaves you with a heavy feeling. Once you can identify those areas in your life, you can restructure how much time you are spending on them.
What are you tolerating in your life?
Are there any people who bring you down because their energy feels heavy? What is it about them that makes engaging with them so challenging? Can you limit or stop your engagement with the people that weigh you down?
This may be harder especially if its family members, but try setting time limits. This will allow you to still engage with them while managing your relationship in a way that still feels good.
Restructure your week
Plan your ideal week in advance with focus time for projects and the times you are engaging with people.
When committing to work with a client or engaging with family let them know your time limit and that you have other obligations to fulfill.
When you have revamped your schedule, notice the free time you have. That’s the time you can then take for yourself or spend it with people that light you up and you love to connect with.
Notice how you have time for projects too and have a to-do list for each focus to time.
Your productivity and self-love will thank you!