Home self-care

Tag: self-care

5 Tips on How to Set up your own Boundaries

Boundaries are what honors you – all of you.

For you to have healthy relationships with yourself and others – setting and maintaining those boundaries takes time and practice.

It means you are aware and know your limits.

Here are some examples of when you are struggling with healthy boundaries

  • Saying yes when you want to say no
  • Feeling guilty when you say no
  • Going against your own values in order to please
  • Not speaking up when someone impedes your boundary
  • Not sharing thoughts & feelings or opinions when you have something to say
  • Accepting sex and physical touch when you don’t want it
  • Allowing others to say and do things that make you uncomfortable

All of those won’t feel good and impact your personal, emotional, mental and spiritual health. They leave you lost, frustrated, confused about who you are, afraid of taking action and even lack of control over your own life.

So how exactly can you begin to honor yourself?

1. Mindset – Acknowledge that having boundaries are not only okay but they are healthy to have

2. Identify and name your limits – think about times you didn’t feel so good about a situation or person. Include your values, belief system, and outlook and acknowledge what does feel good.

3. Share with others about your boundaries. Have a conversation about what feel good and what you can’t tolerate. Share with them how they may have made you feel.

4. Be willing to give yourself permission to feel fear and self-doubt and acknowledge that people around you may not respond well. And be willing to accept that it is okay. Maintaining your boundaries is connected to your self-respect.

5. Self-Care is and should be your priority. Allow yourself to put you first. This includes seeking support when you have a hard time with boundaries.

It’s okay to not have it all figured out and take small steps. One Boundary, one person at a time.

How to create Boundaries that support you

Boundaries are invisible lines where you space begins and ends and meets another person space.

Boundaries are also physical and non-physical in such that when someone steps too close to you and you become uncomfortable that someone crossed the line.

We all have our own comfort levels when it comes to space and what I often refer to as “the bubble”.

Boundaries are also feelings based on things we picked up over the years and were imprinted with on how we should respond to people in our world.

Boundaries are necessary!

This is an area I struggled with since I was 13, and probably even before then but looking back that is where crossing boundaries started to be more apparent.

I always felt I “should” do this or that to appease people because you have to be nice and saying no, well you were left to feel guilty.

The moment I realized how untrue this is was the moment I was able to claim my own power and align myself in such a way that if it feels like I should, then well I probably shouldn’t.

2 years ago I did an interview with Lift Magazine for Single Mums, and even now it’s quite clear that boundaries are always a struggle. We need to really get clear on our boundaries.

I rely heavily on my intuition, that gut feeling that tells me yay or nay and it’s so prevalent to listen to ourselves.

If you are overwhelmed with shoulds and guilt, it’s time to look at how you can claim back you, your time and a life that allows you to feel good.

But how do you know where to start?

  1. Make a list of all the times a commitment or an interaction left you feeling uncomfortable.
  2. Make a list of all the times that you committed to something but you really didn’t want to do it but you felt guilty for not following through.

This isn’t about creating more guilt, but more of an awareness tool so you know what areas you would like to change in your life so you can create boundaries and honor yourself.

Now that you have those lists, ask yourself how you would like to respond and engage in the future. For instance, when the feeling of should comes up, decline to commit or engage.

The guilty feeling will still be present but with practice, it will fade because you are taking care of who you are and don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed and exhausted due to crossed boundaries. Allow yourself to feel the relief because you honored yourself and made yourself important enough to engage in your own self-care.

hustle

Why following the hustle could actually hurt you

There is this thing that is happening that could actually hurt you, rather than help you.

And I see it everywhere and it’s a huge problem for those who want to create a life according to their own terms and in a way that feels good.

For those who consider themselves, introverts, heart-centered and are driven by service rather than money.

And that is the hustle.

  • They tell you to get up before the crack of dawn.
  • They tell you to stop watching television or Netflix.
  • They tell you to stop playing candy crush.
  • They tell you to stop focusing on this or that.
  • They encourage you to only focus on your business and work.
  • They assume that if you take a day or the weekend off, you are not a hustler.

And frankly you don’t have to be one in order to be successful!

I believe that if you follow the hustle but it doesn’t resonate with you, that in the end you end up hurting yourself.

Part of creating the life you want is to show up how you want to, be who you are and be of service in a way that feels amazing to you.

The hustle can hurt you if you

  • require some down time to recharge your batteries
  • are stuck in the struggle of “what to do next”
  • are in resistance that can benefit of some surrender
  • you are an empath and/or an introvert
  • you neglect family in friends

There is a big part that is forgotten when people start talking about the hustle. It’s like the part of actually living is not remembered. That the only focus should be to work, work and then work some more.

But where is the fun? The part of where you are actually living your life rather than just existing?

And while this does work for some people, there are some of you that need the down time, That need a wee bit of distraction so that you can not give everything of you to other people.
And the biggest challenges when others preach about the hustle is that you start to question yourself.

You begin to doubt yourself that you are not doing enough. That you are not giving enough. That you are not showing up enough. That you are doing it all wrong.

It feeds the monster of “not being enough”.

And in a world where fear of taking action due to self-imposed doubts due to past interactions and experiences, is doing a huge disservice.

It’s one of the big reasons, I am I talking about  boundaries, self-care and creating your ideal week because I think it’s so incredibly important that you take care of your mental health in the process. And you have to fill your own well before you can be of service to others.

So if you don’t align with the word hustle, know that you don’t have to.

You can do business and life a live in a way that feels good to you!

You can work as many hours as you like but don’t forget to live.

Don’t forget to do those things that you love to do that are not work or business related.

Don’t forget to have fun.

Don’t forget to be human.

If you like to shut your brain off for a bit playing candy crush, by all means do so.
If you like to spend your weekend on the couch watching TV, do that.
If you like to go to bed at 11 pm and wake up at 7:30 am, do that.
If you like to take a nap in the middle of the day, do that.

This is why planning and knowing how you work is so important. This is where being a bit strategic about your actions and your week are incredibly helpful.

You can work on 3-5 most important actions 5 days a week and be as successful as you want to be!

The key to success is becoming self-aware of who you are and what you want to be, do and have,

There are many ways to be successful, you have to chose your own path!

Tell me, how does the word hustle make you feel? Inquiring minds want to know!

100 ways to love yourself

100 Ways to Love yourself

This is the first of 12 blog posts in my 100’s of something list. So every month there will be a new post of 100 ways to be, do or have something.

No matter where you are in your journey, or what goals you want to achieve, I found that loving yourself is one of those things that needs to come first.

I have compiled a list of 100 ways you can do just that!

  1. Keep a journal about
  2. Share your emotions with those who feel safe
  3. Honor your feelings
  4. Take time out every day to be still and just be
  5. Try something new
  6. Go for a hike or a walk on the trails
  7. Do something you loved doing as a child
  8. Take a hot bath
  9. Make art
  10. Have a girls night out
  11. Learn a new skill you’ve been dying to try
  12. Practice forgiveness
  13. Rewite old stories
  14. Connect with like-minded people
  15. Become a good steward of money
  16. Set Boundaires
  17. Honor your energy around activities and people
  18. Watch a movie or tv series that makes you laugh
  19. Break off relationships that don’t support you
  20. Build a fort in your living room and sleep in it
  21. Write a short story
  22. Eat food that makes you feel good
  23. Get a physical
  24. Send a thank you note
  25. Go on a road trip
  26. Take an art class
  27. Declutter a space that could use some uplifting
  28. Take an exercise class
  29. Go on a health retreat
  30. Let go of regret
  31. Make a list of all that you’ve achieved
  32. Ask for help
  33. Create Mantra’s that uplift you
  34. Dress up, even when you’re not going anywhere
  35. Dance to your favorite song
  36. Read a book that you’ve been putting off
  37. Update your wardrobe, maybe get some new undewear
  38. Take yourself out on a date
  39. Stop looking to fit in, just be you
  40. Write a letter to a younger version of you
  41. Write a letter to a future version of you
  42. Expect respect
  43. Establish a morning routine
  44. Get off social media
  45. Speak your truth, even when your voice shakes
  46. Share your dreams
  47. Volunteer at an organization that matters to you
  48. Get enough sleep
  49. Look in the mirror and speak positively to you
  50. Make a list of 100 things you are grateful for
  51. Call a friend you haven’t talked to in awhile
  52. Go on a date (no expectations)
  53. Go to the movies
  54. Give compliments to people you encounter
  55. Pay it foward
  56. Trust your intuition
  57. Limit the amount of news you watch
  58. Sing your favorite song
  59. Take the day off and do nothing
  60. Take action on something you’ve been talking about
  61. Don’t engage with anything that feels like “should”
  62. Believe in yourself
  63. Go swimming in the moonlight
  64. Increase your water intake
  65. Go buy yourself a gift
  66. Create your own personal manifesto
  67. Have the most incredible and amazing breakfast
  68. Get a haircut
  69. Get some new feel good bedsheets
  70. Go to a concert or a play you’ve been wanting to see
  71. Get real about your debt and make a plan of action
  72. Get some new wall decor that uplifts you
  73. Take a nap
  74. Unsubscribe from the email lists you aren’t reading
  75. Find a new blog that inspires you
  76. Take a selfie and share it
  77. Clean out your car
  78. Engage in sexual pleasure
  79. Choose a theme song
  80. Ask your friends what they love about you, be open to receiving.
  81. Bake your favorite cookies
  82. Give yourself permission to take a break
  83. Make a list of all the things you love about yourself
  84. Walk barefoot in the grass
  85. Be a tourist in your town or the next town over
  86. Create an evening routine
  87. Stop doing that one thing you’ve been saying you’re going to stop
  88. Cook something you’ve never cooked before
  89. Go eat at a restaurant you’ve been dying to try out
  90. Learn a new language
  91. Learn an instrument or play an instrument if you already know
  92. Tell someone you love them
  93. Make a list of compliments you were given
  94. Take your own advice on something
  95. Go on a get away
  96. Attend a workshop you’ve been wanting to take
  97. Visit a friend that lives out of town
  98. Go watch the sunrise or sunset – or both
  99. Say no to things that you don’t want to do
  100. Stop comparing yourself to others
reading

Friday Evening Reading Corner – October 7, 2016

I missed doing the reading corner and so here we are back at it again. This week has been all about recovery for me, taking care of myself and that good old chest cold. I started to feel better around Wednesday and am trying to not jump all in again but I am excited as I am creating a 2017 Workbook right now and it has most of my attention, except for my clients of course.

Anyway, without further ado, here are this weeks posts worth checking out.

Too neat or not too neat – this is great! I am somewhere in between being a complete mess or complete neat freak. I have a slight case of OCD when things are not being put back in their place or people don’t clean up after themselves. But I think there is no black and white for creatives, some of us need to clean, some of us not so much and some of us live in the middle.

Who’s that girl – ooh I love this one because I know all about losing myself and forgetting who I am at my core because life happens. These past few years, I definitely have been on the search for my inner child and become that woman she always dreamed about being.

Importance of Celebrating yourself regularly – another good one and something I always talk to my clients about because we legitimately forget to honor ourselves, take care of ourselves and give us a celebration of who we are.

I hope you enjoyed this and be sure to leave a comment on their blogs, they’ll totally appreciate it.

If you have blog posts you would like me to share, shoot me an e-mail contact {at} petramonaco {dot} com.


Creating art as a form of self-care

Do you self-care? Why or why not?

Engaging in self-care is a necessity like brushing your teeth. If you don’t brush your teeth every day, you get cavities and will have to go to the dentist for things that could have been prevented.

Self-care is pretty much the same thing. If you don’t engage in self-care regularly, you will burn out and then have to take a much-needed break that can literally turn your life upside down.

Every Friday is art day, that means I am creating something (wood-burning, crocheting, drawing or doodling or maybe jewelry making). I don’t focus on business or anything else that is going on. It is my time to pretty much forget about the world and nourish my soul in ways that feel good.

I am not one to do spa days (you know manicure, massages etc) and I had to find a different way to pamper myself, and creating art does just that – or going to the ocean but fall is almost here and there will be less of going to the water.

When I am able to create art, I get inspired with new ideas and I fill my well, so I can be the best version of me in my many facets.

I don’t self-care one day a week as my workouts also provide self-care but on a different level – they tend to balance my energy more.

If you are in a job, you get 2 days off (I hope) to recharge your well and do some of the fun activities not work related.  and if you are self-employed then building in a self-care routine of some kind is a necessity.

If you happen to be self-employed than building in a self-care routine of some kind is a necessity. You can make this a daily thing, 30-minutes to an hour a day or a full day when you can.

And I don’t have to tell you that when you are a mom, that this is essential to nurture and love yourself.  We can get so overwhelmed parenting and doing all the things that we put everyone else first but ourselves.

Now go and do some self-care and tell me in the comments what you are going to do!