Why holding back on self-care could hurt you

Why holding back on self-care could hurt you

Let’s start with identifying what self-care is and in it’s simplest form, it’s about getting your physical and mental needs met.

But it can be an incredible struggle when you have a plateful of shoulds, especially when you’ve been receiving mixed messages from your parents, colleagues, and entrepreneurs.

Of course, you would love to do all the things at high performance and have the ability to juggle all things life.

And at the end of the day when you think about all the things you didn’t get done, it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

For many years I utterly and completely failed at self-care. Heck, I didn’t even know it was a thing.

Every morning I got up ensuring that the demands of my family, my bosses and my partner were met. When I transitioned into a being a business owner, it didn’t really change then either. I was in constant go and work mode and there was zero time for self-care.

Sure, we did regular family activities, like road trips and hiking.

But on an individual level, this wasn’t enough.

I was cranky, grumpy and frustrated on multiple levels.

When my son spent 180 days in the hospital, it dawned on me just how little I cared for myself. And honestly, I at times still have a hard time with this whole self-care concept.

In part as a full-time entrepreneur, partner, and mother, there is always something that needs to be done.

And as a creative, I always have new ideas that I want to follow down the rabbit hole.

But here’s the thing, taking a timeout can actually help you be more productive. Click To Tweet

When you know that you are taking a day off, getting enough sleep and say no to some of the shoulds, you will feel more rested and energized with more clarity and focus.

Here’s the truth:

That laundry?

Isn’t really going anywhere.

Your clients?

They’ll respect you and look to you as a leader.

Your partner?

He will appreciate you more when you stand your ground about your own needs.

There’s no question that self-care is important for your overall well-being. And this is where self-awareness is crucial as you are paying attention to your activities.

Sure there will be times that you overdo things and overwork but you’ll know how to scale back too!

But self-care isn’t just taking a day out and hanging out on the couch watching your favorite TV Show or getting lost in thought in the tub with a glass of wine.

Self-care is

  • enforcing your own healthcare routine
  • saying no to family and friends
  • deliberately take time off from working
Self-care is about creating a daily practice that helps you meet your own needsClick To Tweet, cause there isn’t anyone going to do this for you.

When I decided to unplug from work or the net more often, I found myself to be more productive in getting things done and definitely more rested to do all the things.

I believe that when everything is in harmony – work, life, and self-care – you don’t need a vacation from your life. And self-care has been represented by being just that when in truth it’s something you do every single day.

That’s not saying don’t take a day to binge on TV, eat cake and have a glass of whatever is your pleasure, but don’t allow this to be your last resort to get your physical and mental needs met.

New Course Release for the Rebels Academy: Nurture yourself

New Course Release for the Rebels Academy: Nurture yourself

NurtureAre you stretched too thin with too many obligations in your week?

Do you find it challenging to make time for yourself?

Do you even know what would nurture you?

I released the Nurture Yourself Challenge in the Rebels Academy aka Rebel Soul Connection.

28 days of exploration and trying new things to help you figure out what activities nurture your soul and give you the much-needed downtime from the hustle and bustle.

The goal is that you find about 3-5 things that not only light you up but truly nurture your spirit, and incorporate them into your long-term self-care regimen.

Sometimes in the chaos of life when you there are more demands in the day than you can manage, it’s challenging to find time for yourself.

In this challenge, you will spend 10-30 minutes a day, trying something different. You may already be familiar with some of the activities and that’s okay but this is about the experience and nurturing yourself more than anything else.

  • What would it mean to you to take a little time for yourself every day?
  • How refreshed would you feel?
  • How relaxed could you go into the day?

Something I learned over the years is that if I don’t take care of myself, who will? If I don’t prioritize myself and give me that respect, how can I expect other people to respect and honor me?

And I want you to ask yourself the same questions!
And the end of the 28-day Challenge, I hope that you have found a few things that you know will work for you to help you nourish and nurture yourself.

There is no right or wrong way to engage in self-care and there whatever practice works for someone else, it may not work for you.

Join the Rebels Academy today and start taking the Nurture Yourself Challenge!

Love yourself to be the priority in your life

Love yourself to be the priority in your life

Are you taking enough time for you?
Do you prioritize yourself!
Are you always saying yes to everyone else?
Does that leave you feeling alone or perhaps even resentful?
Are your personal needs met?

enmeshedAs Mother’s Day is approaching, a day where mothers are being doted on for all that they do each day, it is often forgotten that self-care and prioritizing yourself is something that needs to stand always in the forefront.

I know first-hand that this is easier said than done!

When my son was first hospitalized in 2007 and even the years to follow, my health (emotionally and physically) was not number one. My priority was my son and his life as it took everything I had to keep him alive and so I continued to smoke and eat an unhealthy diet. I always told myself one day would it would all change, but for the moment my priorities were not with me.

 

You succumb to eating the processed cafeteria foods or take-out out of ease and comfort. And at times it can seriously feel like you don’t have any other choice. But you do. There’s always a choice.

How can you move from being everything to everyone and start being who you need to be for you?

  • Decide you deserve to be a priority
  • Decide how you will spend it
  • Evaluate the things that waste your time
  • Learn to say no!
  • Ask for help!
  • Schedule the things you must do
  • Commit to me time daily and make it a ritual!

We talk about nurture and self-care all the time but what sometimes you don’t even know what that means!

Self-care in its simplest form means taking it easy, take a break, do things that you love.

Self-care is doing things that feel good to your body and soul in that moment and time.

What they mean to each of us, can differ from individual to individual.

Self-care is just allowing you some downtime from the daily hustle and bustle of work, parenting and whatever else usually keeps you overwhelmed. It’s a time to connect with yourself and allow your body some peace so it can rejuvenate itself.

And this can look so very different for everyone. Below you find some of the things I have used to support me.

  1. Make time for food that nourishes your body and soul. How much junk are you fueling your body with that leaves you tired and exhausted? How much fresh food do you eat to really give your body what you need? When you feel good, the soul feels good because it knows you are taking care of yourself.
  2. Exercise in some way through yoga, walking, running, Zumba, dancing or whatever call you to move your body. Allow it to feel good. It will help you from becoming to still and it’s just good for you to feel positive especially if you have been feeling down.
  3. Make bedtime a priority allowing you adequate rest time. For me, this is about 7-8 hours of sleep. For you, it could be a bit less or more. The important thing is that you rest your body!
  4. Do one thing you truly enjoy. Write, paint, crochet! Do it because you will feel amazingly good afterward for having done it.
  5. Connect with nature. Go outside, hug a tree, walk barefoot, sit in the sun. Allow yourself to feel the wind and the sun rays on your skin. Surround yourself with nature in every way.
  6. Practice gratitude throughout the day for each moment. For the raindrop that falls to nourish the earth.  For the driver going too slow in front of you to keep you safe and quite without the speeding ticket. For the paycheck, you earn to provide a roof over your head. For life and the opportunity to experience it. Be grateful.

Self-care is respecting you enough to make time to be with just you.

Honoring who you are through the good days and tough days will help you learn to love yourself more, teach others that you are valuable and life will start to feel a whole lot better.

5 Tips on How to Set up your own Boundaries

5 Tips on How to Set up your own Boundaries

boundariesBoundaries are what honors you – all of you.

For you to have healthy relationships with yourself and others – setting and maintaining those boundaries takes time and practice.

It means you are aware and know your limits.

Here are some examples of when you are struggling with healthy boundaries

  • Saying yes when you want to say no
  • Feeling guilty when you say no
  • Going against your own values to please
  • Not speaking up when someone impedes your boundary
  • Not sharing thoughts & feelings or opinions when you have something to say
  • Accepting sex and physical touch when you don’t want it
  • Allowing others to say and do things that make you uncomfortable

All of those won’t feel good and impact your personal, emotional, mental and spiritual health. They leave you lost, frustrated, confused about who you are, afraid of taking action and even lack of control over your own life.

So how exactly can you begin to honor yourself?

  1. Mindset – Acknowledge that having boundaries are not only okay but they are healthy to have
  2. Identify and name your limits – think about times you didn’t feel so good about a situation or person. Include your values, belief system, and outlook and acknowledge what does feel good.
  3. Share with others about your boundaries. Have a conversation about what feel good and what you can’t tolerate. Share with them how they may have made you feel.
  4. Be willing to give yourself permission to feel fear and self-doubt and acknowledge that people around you may not respond well. And be willing to accept that it is okay. Maintaining your boundaries is connected to your self-respect.
  5. Self-Care is and should be your priority. Allow yourself to put you first. This includes seeking support when you have a hard time with boundaries.

It’s okay to not have it all figured out and take small steps. One Boundary, one person at a time.

How to create Boundaries that support you

How to create Boundaries that support you

Boundaries are invisible lines where you space begins and ends and meets another person space.

Boundaries are also physical and non-physical in such that when someone steps too close to you and you become uncomfortable that someone crossed the line.

We all have our own comfort levels when it comes to space and what I often refer to as “the bubble”.

Boundaries are also feelings based on things we picked up over the years and were imprinted with on how we should respond to people in our world.

Boundaries are necessary!

This is an area I struggled with since I was 13, and probably even before then but looking back that is where crossing boundaries started to be more apparent.

I always felt I “should” do this or that to appease people because you have to be nice and say no, well you were left to feel guilty.

The moment I realized how untrue this is being the moment I could claim my own power and align myself in such a way that if it feels like I should, then well I probably shouldn’t.

2 years ago, I did an interview with Lift Magazine for Single Mums, and even now it’s quite clear that boundaries are always a struggle. We need to really get clear on our boundaries.

I rely heavily on my intuition, that gut feeling that tells me yay or nay and it’s so prevalent to listen to ourselves.

If you are overwhelmed with should and guilt, it’s time to look at how you can claim back you, your time and a life that allows you to feel good.

But how do you know where to start?

  1. Make a list of all the times a commitment or an interaction left you feeling uncomfortable.
  2. Make a list of all the times that you committed to something but you really didn’t want to do it but you felt guilty for not following through.

This isn’t about creating more guilt, but more of an awareness tool so you know what areas you would like to change in your life so you can create boundaries and honor yourself.

Now that you have those lists, ask yourself how you would like to respond and engage in the future. For instance, when the feeling of should come up, decline to commit or engage.

The guilty feeling will still be present but with practice, it will fade because you are taking care of who you are and don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed and exhausted due to crossed boundaries. Allow yourself to feel the relief because you honored yourself and make yourself important enough to engage in your own self-care.