Thoughts are an inside action we do as a response to outside influences and the process that tends to be automatic and we may think of not having control over. However, allow yourself to become aware of your thoughts and start taking charge and allow your behavior to become aligned with who you are.
Sometimes the best way to take charge of our thoughts is to keep a diary and take note of how many negative thoughts entire your awareness.
As you are taking note of those thoughts, also write down your behavior because there is a link between our thoughts and our actions.
There was a time in my life where I was utterly frustrated and annoyed with life and how it was progressing. I wake up grumpy and go to bed grumpy all the while putting on a good face, pushing forward with the things that needed to get done each day.
What I didn’t do is acknowledge my feelings and thoughts and how pissed off and frustrated I was with life.
Cue personal responsibility and I haven’t had a case of the Mondays since then.
Every day we have a choice. A choice in how we want to feel, what we want to experience and how we show up in the world without pretending.
Here is what I learned, we are in complete control over our thoughts and our actions and behavior.
And it was up to me to make those changes and these changes included:
- Thought awareness – what thoughts am I experiencing without analyzing
- The behavior that followed the thought – how am I acting
- The impact of my thought – what does it mean and in what situations is this common for me
- What needed to change about my thought – what thought do I need to have to not behave in a way that no longer fits me
- What needed to change in my behavior – how can I engage and act now to support the thought transformation
One key element in this process is acknowledging that you are responsible for your thoughts and actions and therefore also in control. Which gives you tremendous power in creating the change you want in your life.
One thought can you change today that will move your life forward and what behavior will support this?
Stop saying your broken or damaged because you are not. Saying you’re broken is like saying you can’t heal or do the things you want to do.
You are not damaged goods; you are an individual with experiences that may have knocked you down a bit but you are so much stronger because of them.
Your experiences enhance who you are. They allow you to really see what you are capable of and allow you to reflect on what you can change in your life.
It really fires me up when someone refers to them as broken because that means they can’t see their own worth and the amazingness within them.
Have I felt broken before?
Yes, of course.
I’ve been molested and raped.
And I felt broken for a long ass fucking time because of it. I questioned my existence on this planet, my worthiness of pursuing my dreams and my ability to parent time and again. I also questioned being worthy of love because of it, because at some point I inferred that because I was raped, I am not lovable.
Fuck that shit!
The decision to reframe how I feel and acknowledge my experiences have allowed me to acknowledge that there are some experiences beyond my control.
But what they don’t do is dictate my worth nor imply that I am not lovable. Because I am awesome as hell, compassionate and filled with love.
There is something we can do to heal ourselves. We can go to therapy, we can journal our thoughts and feelings, we can go to support groups, we can hire a coach, we can color to remove the anxiety.
Saying we are broken implies we can’t do any of those things to heal.
You can take a stand against those that have harmed you and left you to feel broken. Become part of legislative movements or become a speaker to support others by sharing your story.
There is so much power in telling your story but remember that your experiences enhance you, they don’t define you.
If you keep repeating to yourself that you are broken and damaged good, how will you ever have a life that you want?
So how about you start making a conscious effort to reframe your thinking. To take the experiences you had and recognize that they enhance who the heck you are and that you have the power to do something about it.
You are a strong, capable individual who has the power to steer the course of your life. Staying in the frame of being broken won’t let you do that.
There isn’t a single thing wrong with you. NOT A FUCKING THING!
Change your mindset, change your life.
I stand by this and feel super passionate about that using the word broken gives the assumption that you can’t mend your heart, you can’t allow yourself to feel good about who you are. It would mean that you can’t get up in the morning and decide to have a good day because fuck you are broken and who wants damaged goods?
Knock it off.
Own the power that you can recover and heal from any experience you have had in your life.
We have experiences that feel devastating to us. We process and recover from them differently, that is one of the unique aspects of being humans.
Take your power back and start saying you are enhanced by your experiences and remove the words broken and damaged from your vocabulary.
And for heaven’s sake don’t allow anyone else to imply that you are broken or damaged well. And don’t allow their opinion about your experiences to determine your own worth.
I keep telling myself that I won’t hide anymore.
I keep telling myself I have a powerful message to share and I must be visible.
Every day the same spiel in my head and then I allow the ball to drop.
What a crapshoot!
We all have our patterns of limiting beliefs and thoughts and know that shit gets in the way so damn much.
The most frustrating part is I know I do it ALL THE DAMN TIME. And I am sick and tired of hiding.
Done sugar-coating everything. Done doing it prim and proper for fear of offending someone because I used a curse word here and there. Fuck that shit!
Here’s the thing I know I inspire people every single day but I stopped inspiring myself somewhere along the way.
Yesterday I had full intentions to get some things done and yet I laid in bed all day, bingeing on my favorite crime show leaving me frustrated when I went to bed.
But thank goodness for waking up this morning and recognizing my frustration and thank goodness for my morning journaling routine. It really helps me so much on being clear and bringing myself back to alignment.
I am about change.
If something isn’t working then you must change it.
With that comes listening to your intuition and recognizing your frustration.
You know when you are not aligned. You know when something isn’t working and it feels so freaking hard. You know when self-doubt and fears are supporting your procrastination.
You also know that you are in control and that you can do something about it.
This clarity I have about who I am is strong. We all know when something doesn’t feel good and when we get lost in being anything else but ourselves because it feels shitty as hell.
Feeling frustrated is a good thing because it is testing how long you are willing to live with that frustration. It is testing you how long you will play to the beat of someone else’s drum or if you are ready to step fully on into your own power.
It’s asking us whether we are serious about our dreams or if we just want to hide away in a box with no one being able to see us.
I admit it’s hard finding the greatness in the moment of frustration but stepping into this awareness this morning I noticed my heart beats louder and faster.
It really boils down to listening to your own intuition, to follow your heart and not giving a shit about what anyone else thinks about your dreams, your life and most importantly you.
It’s none of your business what they think anyway because whatever you are stirring up in them is their issue and never your own. I’d like to think that when people have an opinion about you, your dreams or your life, you are stirring the pot for them because some parts of them can’t even imagine leaving that comfortable little box.
You must choose for yourself whether your dream is worth it.
Whether you believe in yourself and in your dream so much that instead of staying awake frustrated you are staying awake thinking about how you can change the world and make an impact.
I don’t have to convince anyone about my dream and neither do you!
So, use your frustration to go within, to listen to your intuition, decide what’s not working and making a choice to embrace change.
Be willing and committed to leave your box of conformity and play that drum however you like.
You must run your life the way you want. No question about it.
Not only that you must believe in your dream and yourself.
And even if it feels too damn scary you know you must do it anyway because shit isn’t any one else doing it – why the hell not you?
Getting frustrated with your life and your dreams is your catapult to greatness because it challenges you to turn up the heat and be the one you are meant to be.
Move out of that box, wear your mismatched sox and shine that light of your so brightly that people will want sunglasses.
So, get on with your dreams already and stop playing small in this world.
Are you ready?
Changing how we feel about ourselves and understand why we believe and think the way we do is the start of taking control over our mindset.
It can increase your fear to acknowledge that in your childhood you had no control.
Growing up I often felt like an outsider that had nothing to contribute which followed me well into my adulthood.
I spent my time hiding by trying to fit in through actions that didn’t really make me feel good. I couldn’t see the value in myself because I still hung onto all those feelings from my childhood. My worthiness was depending on what I had to say without realizing that I didn’t really belong there.
When I realized that had no powers a child but I had powers an adult, my mindset began to shift, albeit slowly there was still progress.
I stopped making the excuse of being an introvert and started to share my story to anyone that would listen. It was a matter of becoming real about who I was, what I stood for and owning my own feelings – good and bad.
Not every day is rosy and there are still times I am dealing with self-doubt and my own abilities but I also realized that I need to be heard and that my story has an impact in this world.
I can help other others through their own limiting belief by sharing my experiences of feeling worthless and not fitting in.
One of the greatest things I learned is that by my own willingness to change the way I think and how I feel about myself, I could increase my confidence in my own skin.
The reality is, not everyone is going to resonate with my story, and that’s okay. Why?
Because someone does need to hear what I have to say, to help them – to inspire them.
The biggest lesson of all is that facing my fear of owning my power is that I don’t allow others to dictate how I feel about myself. No one has that right to tell you how to feel!
What matters is how you think and feel about yourself.
I want to know; how will you own your power and honor yourself?
Do you find yourself saying YES to help out a friend because you feel guilty if you don’t help your friend? Do you find yourself saying YES to the family when they are in need and you must choose between your own obligations or fun stuff you have scheduled and continue to sacrifice yourself for everyone else?
Easier said than done but very important. I am not saying you cannot ever help your friend or your family but please please please do not make this happen at the expense of your own fun stuff or your own obligations that you are so stressed out about life.
If you continue to say yes, you are creating the atmosphere of people taking advantage of you and make you feel used.
A few weeks ago I wrote about taking care of yourself and this really is an extension of this.
It will not be easy because you will feel guilty initially by not saying yes. Start small by finding something to say no to, and say it firmly but be polite! You’ll be surprised to know that the world will still spin and people do not take offense (if they do, they aren’t worth pleasing)!
If you are in the middle of a project or even some quiet alone time, don’t jump up immediately. You will continue to feel stressed and overwhelmed rather than fulfilled and happy.
Several years ago I was in a place where I dropped everything for everyone, except myself. I had homework and I made excuses on why it could wait so that I can say yes to the person asking for help. It caused me being stressed to the max because I was on a deadline and I like.. no love punctuality. When I went back to college, I slowly learned to say no so that I could put in the effort to my school work.
Repeat after me:
I am not responsible for everyone and everything.
When you stop doing something for others you create room for others to do something for you. It also gives you and others a break!