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5 Tips on How to Set up your own Boundaries

Boundaries are what honors you – all of you.

For you to have healthy relationships with yourself and others – setting and maintaining those boundaries takes time and practice.

It means you are aware and know your limits.

Here are some examples of when you are struggling with healthy boundaries

  • Saying yes when you want to say no
  • Feeling guilty when you say no
  • Going against your own values to please
  • Not speaking up when someone impedes your boundary
  • Not sharing thoughts & feelings or opinions when you have something to say
  • Accepting sex and physical touch when you don’t want it
  • Allowing others to say and do things that make you uncomfortable

All of those won’t feel good and impact your personal, emotional, mental and spiritual health. They leave you lost, frustrated, confused about who you are, afraid of taking action and even lack of control over your own life.

So how exactly can you begin to honor yourself?

  1. Mindset – Acknowledge that having boundaries are not only okay but they are healthy to have
  2. Identify and name your limits – think about times you didn’t feel so good about a situation or person. Include your values, belief system, and outlook and acknowledge what does feel good.
  3. Share with others about your boundaries. Have a conversation about what feel good and what you can’t tolerate. Share with them how they may have made you feel.
  4. Be willing to give yourself permission to feel fear and self-doubt and acknowledge that people around you may not respond well. And be willing to accept that it is okay. Maintaining your boundaries is connected to your self-respect.
  5. Self-Care is and should be your priority. Allow yourself to put you first. This includes seeking support when you have a hard time with boundaries.

It’s okay to not have it all figured out and take small steps. One Boundary, one person at a time.

 

empower

What does empower really mean?

As I sat in meditation this morning, connecting with my intuition, the word empowers came about. Fitting perhaps for National Women’s Day, but it’s been a word that has been on my mind quite a bit.

Feeling empowered is boosting your confidence.

When you make a choice to do something, to work out, to start a business, to change your job, you feel confident because you are taking control of your own life and the decisions you make.

It can be challenging when you are told you are weak, you can’t, or you should just keep playing safe. But one of the things I learned that even during the days I beat myself up for not meeting my own expectations, it’s really listening to the voices from my past who didn’t believe in me.

You make decisions every single day, some small and some a bit more daring.

Your choices can help you break free to be you!

Being you may be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. To show up as you, to speak your truth even if it doesn’t conform to someone else’s beliefs and line of thinking.

You have everything within you to create the life you want even if there are people in this world that don’t agree with you. Stand up for yourself to be you. Stand up for your beliefs. Stand up for what you love and hold dear. It can be downright scary and intimidating and it is easier to just go with the flow and live in the mainstream. But ask yourself, is that how you want to live your life? Is following the norm and playing it safe really what you want to do? And then ask yourself, if this is how you want to live or are you craving something different?

Make the decision today to set yourself free and empower yourself by creating the change you want.

Give yourself permission

You have permission, to be, do and have everything you want. And I’d be lying if I say it is going to be easy because it won’t be. It means digging deep into the stories you have hung onto. Some of the stories are easy to identify, but you have to dig deeper to really uncover the subliminal messages that are stopping you from creating the kind of life that you believe is only for the lucky ones.

Luck really doesn’t have anything to do with it. Empowering yourself to take action, the willingness to do the work and to really look at yourself from the inside out, that has everything to do with feeling empowered.

You have permission to bring your dreams to live.

You have permission to be who you are.

You have permission to say no when you don’t feel like saying yes.

You have permission to stand up for what you believe in.

You have permission to speak your truth!

Today make the choice to step into your power!

 

dream

You have permission to dream big

Remember when you were little and you were dreaming about all the things you would do one day.

You knew that when you were all grown up you would be

  • a dancer
  • an artist
  • an astronaut
  • a doctor
  • a veterinarian
  • a writer
  • a police office
  • a firefighter
  • a lawyer
  • a rancher

And the list goes on and on. And it changed all the time because when you were little, you wanted to do all the things.

And the adults in your life, they smiled at your ability to dream, wishing to never need or want to crush your dreams. And as you got older, slowly you were told to be realistic while still supporting the notion that you can be anything you wanted to be, with hard work of course.

And their let downs were sometimes gentle, sometimes not so much. But it was their own projection, their own regret and their own fears that stopped them from doing what they love and becoming who they wanted to be… who they were inside on the deep.

But there is so much beauty in being a human and having the amazing brains you do. You can change our mind.

I once thought that I wanted to be a certified public accountant. I am good with the details and Accounting 101 came easily to me. It’s not that I loved math or anything but tracking all the financial business needs, it was fun. For a while anyway.

But then I started working in an office for 8 hours a day. Day in and day out it was the exact same thing. Review this, write a check for that and balance whatever needed balancing.

I was bored out of my freaking mind. They only thing that pretty much kept me going was my artwork. And I simultaneously decided to start selling my work. The work I have been given away for free for the better of 10 years.

And I realized that I lost the ability to dream big over the years due to no fault of my own.

As kids, we are told to dream big.

As teens, we are told to get real.

And we are left with mixed messages: to dream big or not to dream big. We are left in the middle of the confusion. To go after our dreams to not go after our dreams.

And frankly, that’s a problem.

Sure, some things we may want to do may require a clear-cut trajectory and maybe for *some* things it may be a little too late. And yet at the same time, I totally believe, anything and everything IS possible.

All you need to do is give yourself permission.

Give yourself permission to believe that you can.

Give yourself permission that you can figure out how.

Give yourself permission to be, do and have whatever the heck it is you want.

Because the reality is, the only one and the only thing that is stopping you is YOU!

You have permission to change your mind

I fully believe that dreams enter our awareness because the Universe believes that we are just the right person to bring it into reality.

Sometimes it takes us awhile to get behind the idea because we have the tendency to overthink and overcomplicate things.

And when we do that, we tend to doubt ourselves, question our ability and concluded that we are not good enough or smart enough.

That ego is a fickle beast.

And then you start to do your mindset work because you know that this will be essential to get going. Get your head right and you start taking action.

You find yourself getting excited and work on the idea and even making progress and all over sudden, the light goes out.

You are uninspired and unmotivated and you think to yourself, what the actual hell?

Once upon a time I was motivated and inspired to become a licensed professional counselor and three years into working towards that dream, I was burned the heck out.

I struggled with giving up this dream when I put so much work into it like I was 6 months away from taking the exam. I didn’t work so hard to give up, right?

But I came to the realization if something that doesn’t light you up anymore, it’s okay to no longer pursue it.

You can give yourself permission to change your mind!

And so, I did even though I wasn’t quite sure what my next step would be or what any of it would look like.

Our journey is about exploring and following our ideas and where the energy flows.

It is about learning what brings us joy and noticing what really lights us up.

I had no idea that I would be coaching women into going after what it is they want, helping them achieve the things they have always talked about doing – but this is the kind of stuff that really lights me up – along with all those other things I love to do.

So, if you are at an impasse about what you should do next, get quiet and listen to the intuition, allow it to guide you and give yourself permission to follow that direction.

 

Don’t deny yourself the things you like and love

Occasionally, I eat a snickers bar while I have my coffee in the morning. I love doing things that feel good now and while that sometimes may not be the healthiest choice, it isn’t a choice that is going to keel me over.

I got to thinking and wondered where in your life are you denying yourself the best of what it is you want.

I decided at some time ago that I wouldn’t deny myself the junk food or anything else perhaps deemed unhealthy because I learned how to do these things in moderation and I am trained in nutrition, in addition, I grew up with a health conscious foster family that grew their own vegetables.

But this isn’t the point of my story here.

Let me let you in on something, from 2007-2011 I dealt with my son’s medical situation and gained a bunch of stress weight I had been trying to lose since then after he was on his way to living a healthy life.

I started running, and I love running because it brings me clarity and allows me to get rid of my frustration and we all must find what works for us, right?

Anyway, I’ve been trying to lose this weight since 2011. I went gluten-free, I cut out this or that because soda is freaking bad for your health blah blah blah.

During this journey, I made the decision that I will not deny myself the things that I love like pizza or snickers. Denying myself of the things I like leaves me neglected. When we deny ourselves the things we want we become miserable as fuck and frankly we crave it even more.

I am all for making healthy and smart choices and 90% of our meals are cooked from scratch, hell I get my burgers directly from the farm. Allowing yourselves to have the things we like gives us the life we want, one of fulfillment.

When we go after what it is we want and couple it with ease and flow, magical things happen. Like I lost a total of 40 lbs. since 2012 – 15 lbs. specifically in the last 6 months.

Imagine if you give yourself permission to include things you like and want – I don’t care if you do it moderation because you are still enjoying all that life has to offer.

I don’t deny myself anything and I am choosing to have a life of ease and flow to bring in the freedom I want and live the life of freedom.

So please don’t deny yourself what you want, just maybe get clear why you want it 🙂

Give yourself permission to Dream

The other day a client of mind felt overwhelmed with all her ideas of what she wanted to do and how she could shine her light into this world, and it came down to one thing.

She needed to give herself permission to dream and believe so she could take action.

Within a few hours after our session, she shared with me her initial steps of getting started in going after her dream.

Sometimes we tell ourselves that we must listen to the noise around us that tells us to just get a job because it provides security and stability. While this may true in some cases, the reality is that there is no such thing as job security.

My client has a dream to own her own business. She spent time in India to study massage therapy but she felt stuck that she couldn’t turn this into a business. She struggled because she felt she didn’t have enough education. Yet, her training is enough to get started.

We talked about how she could offer her massage to start earning money and set funds aside so she could invest in her education to further her expertise.

She also loved the idea of helping people see their potential by starting to beautify their homes. Let’s be honest, if we love our home, loving our lives becomes so much easier. We can appreciate the beauty and the peace that comes from our space.

Why couldn’t she have both? This is a world of possibilities and as multi-passionate people, giving ourselves permission to have it all and not sacrifice part ourselves, that is unapologetic living.

So, if you are currently struggling to envision a life where you can have it all, give yourself permission to dream and believe in it. Sit with this for a day or so, write in detail of what it looks like as if it already exists.

Then start taking action to get the ball rolling. And if something changes in your vision, give yourself permission to change your mind and make a new decision of what you want your life to look like.