Boundaries are invisible lines where you space begins and ends and meets another person space.
Boundaries are also physical and non-physical in such that when someone steps too close to you and you become uncomfortable that someone crossed the line.
We all have our own comfort levels when it comes to space and what I often refer to as “the bubble”.
Boundaries are also feelings based on things we picked up over the years and were imprinted with on how we should respond to people in our world.
Boundaries are necessary!
This is an area I struggled with since I was 13, and probably even before then but looking back that is where crossing boundaries started to be more apparent.
I always felt I “should” do this or that to appease people because you have to be nice and say no, well you were left to feel guilty.
The moment I realized how untrue this is being the moment I could claim my own power and align myself in such a way that if it feels like I should, then well I probably shouldn’t.
2 years ago, I did an interview with Lift Magazine for Single Mums, and even now it’s quite clear that boundaries are always a struggle. We need to really get clear on our boundaries.
I rely heavily on my intuition, that gut feeling that tells me yay or nay and it’s so prevalent to listen to ourselves.
If you are overwhelmed with should and guilt, it’s time to look at how you can claim back you, your time and a life that allows you to feel good.
But how do you know where to start?
- Make a list of all the times a commitment or an interaction left you feeling uncomfortable.
- Make a list of all the times that you committed to something but you really didn’t want to do it but you felt guilty for not following through.
This isn’t about creating more guilt, but more of an awareness tool so you know what areas you would like to change in your life so you can create boundaries and honor yourself.
Now that you have those lists, ask yourself how you would like to respond and engage in the future. For instance, when the feeling of should come up, decline to commit or engage.
The guilty feeling will still be present but with practice, it will fade because you are taking care of who you are and don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed and exhausted due to crossed boundaries. Allow yourself to feel the relief because you honored yourself and make yourself important enough to engage in your own self-care.
We all get those days. We are working so hard in our lives and in our business but can’t seem to be moving forward because and we get discouraged. We are too worried or too stressed about external forces that impact our personal lives. Or maybe we have been working so hard on our vision and dream just to notice that there really is no traction and you are ready to quit.
We felt challenged to remain calm and squash the anxiety that comes along while we try to bring some peace into our world.
Here’s the thing, every moment that brings us a feeling is a good thing. It’s a moment in which we can take a step back, acknowledge it and ask ourselves “what can I learn from this?” Also, remind yourself of how far you have already come. Write down your achievements and see where you were 1 year ago or 3 years ago.
But there is much more you can do to help guide you.
Once you have taken the initial step to acknowledge your discouragement, your thoughts need to process and it will happen when you distract yourself!
Start organizing and de-cluttering your home and your business. You are shifting energy and stagnation when you bring to the forefront of how you want your home to feel like or how to run your business. When we can allow it to flow, the process becomes much easier and your confidence will increase.
Create a small to-do list of no more than 5 things you must get done. Sometimes when we experience difficult times, the last thing you want to do is overwhelm yourself with too many things to get done. Take a step back, prioritize what needs to be done and only focus on those 5 things.
Allow yourself to have some fun so you can disconnect and distract yourself. Life can get complicated sometimes and when we focus on everything that is stressing us or is going wrong, we invite more of the same. Instead, go have a girl’s night out, spend a weekend away with your partner or create art, music – whatever it is that will bring you happiness.
When we invite the things we that bring us joy and let go of the outcome, things tend to fall into place. Yes, there is still scariness and uncertainty but when you can come from a place of love for yourself, know in your heart you are doing the best you can in each given moment that discouragement you felt will move on.
I only have one favor to ask!
No matter what it is you are going through and the negative feelings that come up, don’t ever quit or give up. Allow the feelings and just be in the flow of who you are!
The Power of No
No is one of the hardest words in the English language. It is also quite the powerful word – not too shabby for two letters.
When we were two years old, we learned to say NO quite well and we said it often and then over time we have been conditioned since then that NO is a bad word and so we begin to say yes – even when we really mean to say no. We are then refined to be people pleasers and feel quite guilty for when we do say no. When we are trying to get out of doing something, we then resort to all kind of words and language that means no but it’s everything but direct, kind of like this sentence.
We start making excuses of why we cannot spend time with another person, perhaps a person we love and cherish to be in our lives but because we have the difficulty to say no for fear of rejection, we just create another illusion of our world.
Some of the things you can do to help you are when someone is making a request, you can tell them that you need to think about it before you can commit or not.
When you are saying no, you need to be direct and firm but don’t be rude about it. It’s totally ok to say no and not give a reason for why you can’t or don’t want to.
And please, when you do want to say yes, do so but when you say yes when you mean no, you will feel resentful and it will leave you uncomfortable and drain you of your own energy.
Learning to say no is not an easy feat and it will be quite uncomfortable in the beginning but as you are getting more used to it, you will thank yourself for acquiring this skill that came so easily to you when you were 2.