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5 Tips on How to Set up your own Boundaries

Boundaries are what honors you – all of you.

For you to have healthy relationships with yourself and others – setting and maintaining those boundaries takes time and practice.

It means you are aware and know your limits.

Here are some examples of when you are struggling with healthy boundaries

  • Saying yes when you want to say no
  • Feeling guilty when you say no
  • Going against your own values in order to please
  • Not speaking up when someone impedes your boundary
  • Not sharing thoughts & feelings or opinions when you have something to say
  • Accepting sex and physical touch when you don’t want it
  • Allowing others to say and do things that make you uncomfortable

All of those won’t feel good and impact your personal, emotional, mental and spiritual health. They leave you lost, frustrated, confused about who you are, afraid of taking action and even lack of control over your own life.

So how exactly can you begin to honor yourself?

1. Mindset – Acknowledge that having boundaries are not only okay but they are healthy to have

2. Identify and name your limits – think about times you didn’t feel so good about a situation or person. Include your values, belief system, and outlook and acknowledge what does feel good.

3. Share with others about your boundaries. Have a conversation about what feel good and what you can’t tolerate. Share with them how they may have made you feel.

4. Be willing to give yourself permission to feel fear and self-doubt and acknowledge that people around you may not respond well. And be willing to accept that it is okay. Maintaining your boundaries is connected to your self-respect.

5. Self-Care is and should be your priority. Allow yourself to put you first. This includes seeking support when you have a hard time with boundaries.

It’s okay to not have it all figured out and take small steps. One Boundary, one person at a time.

empower

What does empower really mean?

As I sat in meditation this morning, connecting with my intuition, the word empower came about. Fitting perhaps for National Women’s Day, but it’s been a word that has been on my mind quite a bit.

Feeling empowered is boosting your confidence.

When you make a choice to do something, to work out, to start a business, to change your job, you feel confident because you are taking control of your own life and the decisions you make.

It can be challenging when you are told you are weak, you can’t, or you should just keep playing safe. But one of the things I learned that even during the days I beat myself up for not meeting my own expectations, it’s really listening to the voices from my past who didn’t believe in me.

You make decisions every single day, some small and some a bit more daring.

Your choices can help you break free to be you!

Being you may be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. To show up as you, to speak your truth even if it doesn’t conform to someone else’s beliefs and line of thinking.

You have everything within you to create the life you want even if there are people in this world that don’t agree with you. Stand up for yourself to be you. Stand up for your beliefs. Stand up for what you love and hold dear. It can be downright scary and intimidating and it is easier to just go with the flow and live in the mainstream. But ask yourself, is that how you want to live your life? Is following the norm and playing it safe really what you want to do? And then ask yourself, if this is really how you want to live or are you craving something different?

Make the decision today to set yourself free and empower yourself by creating the change you want.

Give yourself permission

You have permission, to be, do and have everything you want. And I’d be lying if I say it is going to be easy because it won’t be. It means digging deep into the stories you have hung onto. Some of the stories are easy to identify, but you have to dig deeper to really uncover the subliminal messages that are stopping you from creating the kind of life that you believe is only for the lucky ones.

Luck really doesn’t have anything to do with it. Empowering yourself to take action, the willingness to do the work and to really look at yourself from the inside out, that has everything to do with feeling empowered.

You have permission to bring your dreams to live.

You have permission to be who you are.

You have permission to say no when you don’t feel like saying yes.

You have permission to stand up for what you believe in.

You have permission to speak your truth!

Today make the choice to step into your power!

permission to dream

You have permission to dream big

Remember when you were little and you were dreaming about all the things you would do one day.

You knew that when you were all grown up you would be

  • a dancer
  • an artist
  • an astronaut
  • a doctor
  • a veterinarian
  • a writer
  • a police office
  • a firefighter
  • a lawyer
  • a rancher

And the list goes on and on. And it changed all the time because when you were little, you wanted to do all the things.

And the adults in your life, they smiled at your ability to dream, wishing to never need or want to crush your dreams. And as you got older, slowly you were told to be realistic while still supporting the notion that you can be anything you wanted to be, with hard work of course.

And their let downs were sometimes gentle, sometimes not so much. But in reality, it was their own projection, their own regret and their own fears that stopped them from doing what they love and becoming who they wanted to be… who they were inside on the deep.

But there is so much beauty in being a human and having the amazing brains you do. You can change our mind.

I once thought that I wanted to be a certified public accountant. I am really good with the details and Accounting 101 came easily to me. It’s not that I loved math or anything but tracking all the financial business needs, it was fun. For awhile anyway.

But then I started working in an office for 8 hours a day. Day in and day out it was the exact same thing. Review this, write a check for that and balance whatever needed balancing.

I was bored out of my freaking mind. They only thing that pretty much kept me going was my artwork. And I simultaneously decided to start selling my work. The work I have been given away for free for the better of 10 years.

And I realized that I lost the ability to dream big over the years due to no fault of my own.

As kids, we are told to dream big.

As teens, we are told to get real.

And we are left with mixed messages: to dream big or not to dream big. We are left in the middle of the confusion. To go after our dreams to not go after our dreams.

And frankly, that’s a problem.

Sure, some things we may want to do may require a clear cut trajectory and maybe for *some* things it may be a little too late. And yet at the same time, I totally believe, anything and everything IS possible.

All you need to do is give yourself permission.

Give yourself permission to believe that you can.

Give yourself permission that you can figure out how.

Give yourself permission to be, do and have whatever the heck it is you want.

Because the reality is, the only one and the only thing that is stopping you is YOU!

action

How not to get overwhelmed setting goals

Do you have a lot of ideas, dreams, and goals you want to achieve?

Do you struggle with getting started because there is just so much you want to do?

Yep, I have totally been there and it isn’t fun feeling like a hamster stuck in the wheel.

While I very much encourage you to start taking action today, I think it’s important that we find harmony in it all.

Here are a few steps you can take to reduce the overwhelm:

1. Make a list

Having a list of all the things you want to do, all those ideas in your head will help you clear your head.

2. Prioritize through the process of elimination

When you look at your list of ideas, dreams, and goals, take the first two and ask yourself which is more important. Now use the one you chose as most important and compare it to the next idea and goal on the list.

This is a good time to either give them numbers or rewrite your list according to importance.

3. Brainstorm your actions

Take some time and brainstorm all the actions it will take for your idea and goal to be a reality. Sometimes what is helpful is working backward, from the result to the beginning, if you are trying to identify the steps more clearly.

4. Create an action plan

This is essential to taking action! Create an action plan that doesn’t overwhelm means that you are choosing 3-5 actions you will take every single day. Maybe you can only do 3 things in a day and build on this until you get to 5. And maybe all you need to do is 3 actions a day.

5. Don’t focus on the outcome but be in the journey

The overwhelm happens when we are so focused on the outcome and don’t pay attention to the journey. Know that each step, each action you are taking will get you closer to the goal. You can’t become a marathon runner in one day. It takes time and practice.

Want some more precise and consistent help? I just released my Mindset on Fire Bootcamp. A 6-week course to help you be clear on what you want to achieve and establishing a mindset routine that supports you in taking action.

Everything in the Bootcamp is what I do in order to achieve my own dreams and goals and I have packed it into weekly modules to support you in your journey.

Join the Bootcamp! 

A blissful life

Your heart is begging you to do something about it

That idea…. that dream in your heart and in your head is begging you to do something about it.

You wake up thinking about it… you go to sleep thinking about it and I am here to tell you that if you don’t do something about that, it will never go away.

And you know deep down that unless you get over your fear, it is never going to happen.

But you have to decide wether you are going to listen to that fear or if you are stepping up and out and take action anyway.

It’s time to stop the bullshit stories you tell yourself of how you can’t and really dig deep into what is actually stopping you.

And if I was a betting person, I venture to say you are being held back because

  • you don’t feel good enough
  • you dont’ feel smart enough
  • you worry about what other people will think
  • you worry about failure before you have even started

It’s all hogwash! These are all stories you have learned along the way, and really they are no longer serving you, because

You are enough!
You are smart!

And really who cares what people think? 9 times out of 10 those people are afraid to take action, so how about you pave the way?

And failure.. failure is a good thing.. it’s allowing you to see what is or isn’t working and then revamp how you are going about it.

Those ideas that have been swirling in your head, they are yours for the taking. They come to you because you have something amazing to offer to this world.

Incredible gifts to share and how dare you deny others from what you are so carefully hiding.

The pain of not taking action, of not doing that thing, ask yourself: Is it worth it?

Because I know you are aching to bring it to life.

It is

  • Time to stop hiding.
  • Time to stop worrying about being enough.
  • Time to stop worrying about whether people will like you or not!

It is time to start doing!

Confidence Challenge – Day 4

The entire week I have been talking about confidence. And the truth of the matter is that confidence happens through doing.

In case you missed any days here they are

Day 1 Click here

Day 2 Click here

Day 3 Click here

I live dangerously in the uncomfortable zone because it’s so easy to stay in that comfort bubble but then nothing happens.

And so you have to push yourself just a little bit each time.

So for today what can get you a little closer to your vision and your goals?

What action will you take to make that happen.

Are you sending an email, calling someone, create a video, go Live on Facebook or somewhere else?

You have to do the things that scare you the most or a little in order to grow and build your confidence.

And while it’s true that some people are just natural at some things, it is also true that some or all people will feel that fear and doubt creeping up.

Just because someone is good at something, doens’t mean they have not struggled with confidence at some point in their lives.

And you already are good at a lot of things (see your brag list)!

Isn’t it time that you stop making excuses?

So tap into those feelings, give yourself a pep talk and a high-give and know that you got this.

And then go and do that thing, and then do it again and again – as long as it aligns with your vision and goals of course.

Shed the believe that it needs to be perfect or the right time.

And just do.

And if you are finding yourself in a meh situation, realign with your vision, look at your brag list, embody your new mantra and name your fears so you can rewrite your story!

Because really you have to start somewhere, so why not now?

Tell me in the comments what you are committing to doing today!