Why holding back on self-care could hurt you

Why holding back on self-care could hurt you

Let’s start with identifying what self-care is and in it’s simplest form, it’s about getting your physical and mental needs met.

But it can be an incredible struggle when you have a plateful of shoulds, especially when you’ve been receiving mixed messages from your parents, colleagues, and entrepreneurs.

Of course, you would love to do all the things at high performance and have the ability to juggle all things life.

And at the end of the day when you think about all the things you didn’t get done, it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

For many years I utterly and completely failed at self-care. Heck, I didn’t even know it was a thing.

Every morning I got up ensuring that the demands of my family, my bosses and my partner were met. When I transitioned into a being a business owner, it didn’t really change then either. I was in constant go and work mode and there was zero time for self-care.

Sure, we did regular family activities, like road trips and hiking.

But on an individual level, this wasn’t enough.

I was cranky, grumpy and frustrated on multiple levels.

When my son spent 180 days in the hospital, it dawned on me just how little I cared for myself. And honestly, I at times still have a hard time with this whole self-care concept.

In part as a full-time entrepreneur, partner, and mother, there is always something that needs to be done.

And as a creative, I always have new ideas that I want to follow down the rabbit hole.

But here’s the thing, taking a timeout can actually help you be more productive. Click To Tweet

When you know that you are taking a day off, getting enough sleep and say no to some of the shoulds, you will feel more rested and energized with more clarity and focus.

Here’s the truth:

That laundry?

Isn’t really going anywhere.

Your clients?

They’ll respect you and look to you as a leader.

Your partner?

He will appreciate you more when you stand your ground about your own needs.

There’s no question that self-care is important for your overall well-being. And this is where self-awareness is crucial as you are paying attention to your activities.

Sure there will be times that you overdo things and overwork but you’ll know how to scale back too!

But self-care isn’t just taking a day out and hanging out on the couch watching your favorite TV Show or getting lost in thought in the tub with a glass of wine.

Self-care is

  • enforcing your own healthcare routine
  • saying no to family and friends
  • deliberately take time off from working
[clickToTweet tweet=”Self-care is about creating a daily practice that helps you meet your own needs” quote=”Self-care is about creating a daily practice that helps you meet your own needs” theme=”style4″], cause there isn’t anyone going to do this for you.

When I decided to unplug from work or the net more often, I found myself to be more productive in getting things done and definitely more rested to do all the things.

I believe that when everything is in harmony – work, life, and self-care – you don’t need a vacation from your life. And self-care has been represented by being just that when in truth it’s something you do every single day.

That’s not saying don’t take a day to binge on TV, eat cake and have a glass of whatever is your pleasure, but don’t allow this to be your last resort to get your physical and mental needs met.

How to create your support system

How to create your support system

You and me, we are social creatures and are not meant to go through this world alone. Even introverts need a support system although the thought of being alone is super yummy, it doesn’t benefit your overall mental health.

So why is having a support system such a great idea?

For one thing, you can receive encouragement on those shit days where life just feels like utter chaos and is completely overwhelming. Your people in your corner will cheer you own, give you insights and some wisdom of course. And in turn, you will learn to feel more positive but also find new ways of expressing yourself.

But how do you go about finding your people?

I get it, going outside into the world can sometimes feel like the last thing you want to do. And as much as I love my online business, it can be really refreshing for me to go to my local networking event.

But to find your people, you have to figure out what you may need support for. Make a list of some of the areas in your life that you know could use a little more outside perspective and support.

  • Ask yourself who in your life can help you meet your needs?
  • Can your turn to family and friends?
  • Do you need to join social activities with like-minded people?
  • Or maybe can you volunteer to make connections with others. Sometimes receiving is more about giving and both are needed in your life.
  • If you run a business are there local meetups you can join?

It is okay to go look outside of your already existing circle!

There is no right or wrong way to create your support system and sometimes to have an objective outside perspective, we need to go look elsewhere.

Maybe hiring a coach or mentor is what you need. Someone who has been where you are right now and who can help you and support you!

Sometimes an accountability partner or a buddy of some kind can be just what you need.

Why is this so important?

When I was a therapist, one of the things you learn early on is that every therapist has a therapist. It’s supportive for your own mental health and sometimes when you work with people you pick up other people’s stuff. Or maybe something happened that you need to get a different perspective on.

Not too long ago, I was in conversation with someone and all over sudden I was on the receiving end of what felt like a verbal attack. I won’t lie, I was in tears because not only am I an introvert but I am super sensitive being. It’s taken a few days to process the event and immediately when I shared, I knew it was a projection of the other person.

But because of events like this and many others such as stress, overwhelm and frustrating moments, creating your support system is not only good for mental health but also personal growth!

Parenting the Adolescent Years

Parenting the Adolescent Years

adolescentOut of all the work and jobs, I have done, parenting is by far the toughest I have encountered. You hope and pray that you are doing a great job raising well-rounded children – but the *something* happens and you are questioning your parenting skills repeatedly.

When my eldest was still in high school, I thought he would NEVER graduate. Getting him to school wasn’t a problem, but staying in class, was a whole different topic. But alas, he did graduate – whew. And then he lived on my couch for a bit before I said no more, get up and get a job – and he did. But then he totaled my car but soon he was enlisted in the Army, serving his country. And four years later I am in awe – because he continues to stand for what he believes in and live the life he envisions with his wife – how they want to. I learned that I don’t always agree with him, BUT from the looks of it, I’ve done my job well.

I am now again a mom of a teenager of a different kind, the kind that goes to school but struggles to fit in and have friends. The kind that is sensitive and honors the “I am there for you no matter what” system – even if in the end, it means he is getting hurt. And yet, no matter the color of his hair or the ability to play bass guitar, he feels like he doesn’t fit in – and I could tell him that he was meant to stand out but it wouldn’t do any good.

Here he is in the prime of adolescent years, yelling for help on Facebook – waiting for me to reach out to him – when all the while I tell him, I will find someone for him to talk to and he can’t say it. And then my phone rang with the guidance counselor on the other line – my cool sweet sensitive adolescent has reached the point of where he just needed help to reach me.

Parenting is hard. You see the signs of adolescent years and you chalk it up to typical adolescent drama but your kid is screaming it’s something different entirely. My son will be getting help because he asked for it. It doesn’t reflect on my parenting, but it shows there is something more than I as his mother may not be able to handle OR my son doesn’t really want me to worry and “burden” me because that IS the kind of person he is.

He once told me that no one worries about him but that he worries about everyone one else.

Music is his release and I am grateful for that – and yet at the same time the greatest musicians have lost their lives too soon – and I become a bit worried.

I try hard to talk to my kids about their day and their struggles and yet kids don’t always want to reach out to their parents – not because of bad parenting – but because the kids want to protect the parents of the demons that hide inside of them.

I am sad that my son struggles so much but at the same time, I am incredibly grateful that he is showing the strength of wanting to get help.

Here are some signs of indicating that there is a possibility of depression and professional help is needed:

  • Sadness or hopelessness
  • Irritability, anger, or hostility
  • Tearfulness or frequent crying
  • Withdrawal from friends and family
  • Loss of interest in activities
  • Changes in eating and sleeping habits
  • Restlessness and agitation
  • Feelings of worthlessness and guilt
  • Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
  • Fatigue or lack of energy
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Thoughts of death or suicide

If you observe these or other symptoms, call the pediatrician or a counselor to help you sort it out. There is nothing wrong with seeking help if anything is and will be the best thing you can do for your teen!

 

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