Fear and anger have rooted within you because of the pain and hurt you have experienced. Some of them you still remember while other’s have blocked themselves from your memory.
I used to be a very angry teenager.
I was angry at the world, the foster care system, the counselors, my parents and even myself.
I was angry at the struggle of trying to fit in and I was afraid no one would ever love me.
It haunted me and led me to make some potentially fatal and at least life to altering decisions.
It’s through each decision and experience I became a little more aware. A little more in tune with me. A little more clear about what I stood for. A little more knowledgeable about what is holding me back.
Forgiveness is never easy and truly it isn’t about forgiving the other person, but to heal yourself through love and compassion.
Perhaps there are some things that can never be excused and it’s even more challenging to put yourself into someone else’s shoes to understand their thoughts and the actions that followed.
But something I learned over the years is that we all have some kind of ball of negative experiences that keeps itself chained to our ankles. And that in each moment, everyone is truly just doing the best they can with the knowledge and awareness that they know how.
It took me 30 years to figure this out. And even though there are still stories and experiences that come up and trigger some kind of anxiety within me and make me aware of the pain, I lean into compassion.
I lean into the pieces that help me take back control.
I lean into the parts of me that allow me to see that I am likable, loveable, brilliant in my own right. And nope you can’t always seem them because when you are blinded by the pain and the hurt and fueled by the anger, we can’t.
And nope you can’t always seem them because when you are blinded by the pain and the hurt and fueled by the anger, you can’t.
It’s time to start healing yourself through forgiveness and compassion and start loving the parts about you.
- Start by making a list of the memories that haunt you.
- Practice Ho’oponopono
- Cross each line off your list after you practiced the following 4 steps
- Burn or flush the list
Step 1: I’m sorry
You are in control of your thoughts and also responsible for them. It’s easy to blame yourself for somehow being at fault for the experiences in your life. And it’s painful. And any feelings you have after the event will fuel your guilt.
These feelings and emotions may have caused you to
- hate yourself which shows up in addictive behaviors
- fear within and around you which you numb through food, drugs or alcohol
- angry and you don’t know how to rein it in so you lash out
Start there and say you’re sorry. That’s it!
Step 2: I forgive you
Don’t worry about who you’re asking. Just state “I forgive you”.
Step 3: Thank you
Say thank you for being the best you can be in each moment. Thank the universe. Say thank you for what you said I forgive you too.
Step 4: I love you
Say I love you. Feel it. There is nothing as powerful as Love.
I practice his forgiveness prayer often. Anytime a memory comes up that startles me, that makes me wonder, shows the emotions of fear and anger.
It’s important that you don’t fear your emotions.
Acknowledge them, explore the cause and practice forgiveness.
There are moments that are still haunting me in my life, although they are becoming less and less. These are moments I am not incredibly proud of but there have by far contributed to my own personal growth.
The distance in time helps but there are still moments of shame, guilt, and even embarrassment.
It wasn’t a great time in my life, the relationship I was in was falling apart for many various reasons and I was still heavily into self-loathing and self-destruction. Even though I had young children to care for.
I went out to a party and that’s it. I don’t remember anything after that, except for brief moments sitting in a cop car and then waking up behind bars as I was released.
There has been a war within of taking responsibility for myself and my actions while realizing that my drink was spiked. And perhaps it wasn’t but that’s not the point of this post.
The point is, I was drunk and got behind the wheel and had to deal with the consequences.
For the first time in my life, I had to look at myself.
I had to acknowledge that what I was doing was not serving me or my kids.
I had to see that how I was showing up in this world was fully my responsibility.
I needed to take accountability for my actions.
And it was hard and painful.
For the first time in my life, I saw I was playing the victim.
The victim because I was born to parents who were not equipped to raise me.
The victim because I grew up in foster care and no one wanted or loved me.
The victim that if no one thought I was good enough, I didn’t deserve to love myself.
As I began looking at myself at the age of 26, who had endured so much, I was able to make sense of my own behavior. It felt like the fog has finally lifted and that it was time for me to step out of the shadow.
I was embarrassed that I allowed it to get out of control.
I was ashamed that I seemed to have followed my parent’s footsteps.
I was riddled with guilt for slamming the truck into a house with a family in it.
How could I allow this to happen?
Going through all the motions after the restricted license, the required education class and therapy I know that I balanced on the edge between alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction.
And truly, there is no excuse.
But there is no reason for me to continue to beat myself up over it.
It’s been 16 years.
16 years of venturing out into the light.
16 years of turning my life around.
16 years of becoming who I have always been.
There are still moments where I shake my head in disbelief and say, “How could I?” but it happened exactly when it needed to happen.
It happened so that I could wake the hell up.
I needed to unravel and become completely undone.
And in the process, I learned to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge we don’t know what we don’t know but to be open to the opportunity to step into awareness for ourselves.
Since that day, I look at every event and every experience and see what the relationship is between past and present. And there is always a relationship. Don’t believe me? Keep a diary of the events and behaviors in your current life and think back when this behavior showed up before. What was the event? How do you feel?
I drank because I wanted to fit in, needed to courage to speak and because I hated myself. But I didn’t know these things. I didn’t know that is why I was drinking so heavily all the time.
I needed to learn to be okay with my past, to love myself exactly the way I am flawed and all and I needed to know that I could always depend on me.
But more than anything else, I needed to forgive.
Forgive my parents.
Forgive my foster parents.
Forgive all the other people.
Forgive the events that happened to me beyond my control.
Forgive the events that were completely in my control.
It is the time that I no longer feel ashamed over this event or embarrassed.
We all do some stupid things at times, some bigger than others.
But they are not the end of the world.
There are however lessons to be learned and grow from.
I am no longer hanging my head in shame but rather acknowledge the incredible awareness that happened because of the event.
And at this moment in time, I want you to know that no matter what stupid thing you have done, you are okay – right here, right now. Don’t beat yourself up over it because you will miss out on so many things that are truly good in your life.
I love you!
When was the last time you felt TOTALLY in sync with your intuition, love, sensuality, and sense of peace?
You might be feeling unloved, broken or stuck, right this very moment.
You probably have experienced life transitions and situations that have weighed on you.
When was the last time you put YOU FIRST and really took care of your body, mind, and spirit like THIS?
I know that I have been there with some big changes and hard decisions that were almost too big to handle.
I’m speaking about Self-Love, Self-Strong & Soulful Energy. In my interview, I’m sharing a bit of my PERSONAL journey. The one that doesn’t allow me to question my intuition ever again and the one that rattled me to my core. You hear me talk about it all the time, but never in this much detail than in the intimate interview with Michele – and it’s a conversation about life, love, and healing.
But I am not the only one! This summit has an amazing team of experts and every one of us is making a difference. You’ll meet over a dozen incredible life-thinkers and problem solvers who’ve come together at the request of my friend Michele Paiva, a licensed psychotherapist and coach who has taught and guided hundreds of people on every continent.
The Radical Sacred Life Summit: Awaken Intuition, Experience Love, Stop Anxiety begins April 30th and yes, it’s totally free but there are some incredibly amazing bonuses if you want to like a Certificate of Ascension!
Together, we want to help you to stop living a half-life of feeling bad about yourself, missing who you used to be instead of living a life so full of radical peacefulness, happiness, and bliss that you never stop pinching yourself!
JOIN US for this FREE ONLINE EVENT!
Tomorrow is my birthday, and I call it “The Answer to Life” because well I will be 42 and they say that is the answer ha!
I decided to declutter and clean out my office because I still haven’t fully organized since moving in and here I was, going through photo’s and took a quick trip down memory lane.
And I decided to let a lot of pictures and cards go. Some things I have been hanging onto for over 10 years.
- For evidence of the happiness and sadness
- For remaining attached to the pain
- For always remembering where I once was
Letting go of the pictures doesn’t mean I am letting go of the memories. Instead, I am releasing the attachment and the feelings that truly aren’t serving me anymore.
The energy around those pictures was heavy and I don’t want to feel sad about my experiences, I want to feel grateful that I had them in the first place.
I didn’t get rid of all the pictures, just the ones that didn’t really serve a purpose, like the ones from my marriage, a previous engagement, and the sentimental cards from people who are no longer in my life now.
I did keep the pictures of my kids because those I find important and I traveled for the past 24 years to see how far my oldest has come, how cute my middle kiddo was (is) and of course the youngest.
And I realized in looking through those pictures that my boys really have a close relationship, they have each other’s back no matter what and that just makes me feel really good in my heart.
Did I teach them that? Maybe.
Either way, I am grateful for it because that means they will never really be alone.
But my biggest realization in all of it is that I am okay and I have always been okay. Nope things haven’t always been easy, in fact, I struggled hard sometimes but I absolutely love the woman I am today.. and that my friends is how I am going to celebrate my birthday.
You are not broken. If someone has hurt you, pushed you aside and rejected you. If they walked away from you, made themselves unavailable to you.
It’s not your fault.
You can’t blame yourself for actions of another and carry the burden that simply isn’t yours to carry.
All the pain you have endured, the experiences that were sometimes just too much to deal with, they grow you, they shape you – and they help you find out what you don’t want.
Know that their choices are coming from their own unhealed places from within themselves.
Know that even in the most devastating situation to you, they did they best they could, out of protection.
Fear makes people do crazy things.
- When someone lashes out in anger, they are afraid.
- When someone rejects you, they are afraid.
- When someone misguided you, they are afraid.
This fear is filled with their own experiences, their own hurt, and their own rejection.
It is time to let it go, to release your suffering out into the universe. It doesn’t serve you and it doesn’t help you to carry the emotions that come from another.
Instead, fill your life with love and compassion.
Love yourself first.
Give compassion to yourself first.
And then give compassion to them. Give them something that no one else has given to them before.
- The idea that we can heal from our experiences.
- The idea that not everyone is going to leave us.
- The idea that not everyone is out to hurt you.
You don’t ever have to talk to them or reach out to them. Just show them that love and compassion are possible.
Show them that you can decide who you want to be every single day.
Because you are not broken!