Fear and anger have rooted within you because of the pain and hurt you have experienced. Some of them you still remember while other’s have blocked themselves from your memory.
I used to be a very angry teenager.
I was angry at the world, the foster care system, the counselors, my parents and even myself.
I was angry at the struggle of trying to fit in and I was afraid no one would ever love me.
It haunted me and led me to make some potentially fatal and at least life to altering decisions.
It’s through each decision and experience I became a little more aware. A little more in tune with me. A little more clear about what I stood for. A little more knowledgeable about what is holding me back.
Forgiveness is never easy and truly it isn’t about forgiving the other person, but to heal yourself through love and compassion.
Perhaps there are some things that can never be excused and it’s even more challenging to put yourself into someone else’s shoes to understand their thoughts and the actions that followed.
But something I learned over the years is that we all have some kind of ball of negative experiences that keeps itself chained to our ankles. And that in each moment, everyone is truly just doing the best they can with the knowledge and awareness that they know how.
It took me 30 years to figure this out. And even though there are still stories and experiences that come up and trigger some kind of anxiety within me and make me aware of the pain, I lean into compassion.
I lean into the pieces that help me take back control.
I lean into the parts of me that allow me to see that I am likable, loveable, brilliant in my own right. And nope you can’t always seem them because when you are blinded by the pain and the hurt and fueled by the anger, we can’t.
And nope you can’t always seem them because when you are blinded by the pain and the hurt and fueled by the anger, you can’t.
It’s time to start healing yourself through forgiveness and compassion and start loving the parts about you.
- Start by making a list of the memories that haunt you.
- Practice Ho’oponopono
- Cross each line off your list after you practiced the following 4 steps
- Burn or flush the list
Step 1: I’m sorry
You are in control of your thoughts and also responsible for them. It’s easy to blame yourself for somehow being at fault for the experiences in your life. And it’s painful. And any feelings you have after the event will fuel your guilt.
These feelings and emotions may have caused you to
- hate yourself which shows up in addictive behaviors
- fear within and around you which you numb through food, drugs or alcohol
- angry and you don’t know how to rein it in so you lash out
Start there and say you’re sorry. That’s it!
Step 2: I forgive you
Don’t worry about who you’re asking. Just state “I forgive you”.
Step 3: Thank you
Say thank you for being the best you can be in each moment. Thank the universe. Say thank you for what you said I forgive you too.
Step 4: I love you
Say I love you. Feel it. There is nothing as powerful as Love.
I practice his forgiveness prayer often. Anytime a memory comes up that startles me, that makes me wonder, shows the emotions of fear and anger.
It’s important that you don’t fear your emotions.
Acknowledge them, explore the cause and practice forgiveness.
There are moments that are still haunting me in my life, although they are becoming less and less. These are moments I am not incredibly proud of but there have by far contributed to my own personal growth.
The distance in time helps but there are still moments of shame, guilt, and even embarrassment.
It wasn’t a great time in my life, the relationship I was in was falling apart for many various reasons and I was still heavily into self-loathing and self-destruction. Even though I had young children to care for.
I went out to a party and that’s it. I don’t remember anything after that, except for brief moments sitting in a cop car and then waking up behind bars as I was released.
There has been a war within of taking responsibility for myself and my actions while realizing that my drink was spiked. And perhaps it wasn’t but that’s not the point of this post.
The point is, I was drunk and got behind the wheel and had to deal with the consequences.
For the first time in my life, I had to look at myself.
I had to acknowledge that what I was doing was not serving me or my kids.
I had to see that how I was showing up in this world was fully my responsibility.
I needed to take accountability for my actions.
And it was hard and painful.
For the first time in my life, I saw I was playing the victim.
The victim because I was born to parents who were not equipped to raise me.
The victim because I grew up in foster care and no one wanted or loved me.
The victim that if no one thought I was good enough, I didn’t deserve to love myself.
As I began looking at myself at the age of 26, who had endured so much, I was able to make sense of my own behavior. It felt like the fog has finally lifted and that it was time for me to step out of the shadow.
I was embarrassed that I allowed it to get out of control.
I was ashamed that I seemed to have followed my parent’s footsteps.
I was riddled with guilt for slamming the truck into a house with a family in it.
How could I allow this to happen?
Going through all the motions after the restricted license, the required education class and therapy I know that I balanced on the edge between alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction.
And truly, there is no excuse.
But there is no reason for me to continue to beat myself up over it.
It’s been 16 years.
16 years of venturing out into the light.
16 years of turning my life around.
16 years of becoming who I have always been.
There are still moments where I shake my head in disbelief and say, “How could I?” but it happened exactly when it needed to happen.
It happened so that I could wake the hell up.
I needed to unravel and become completely undone.
And in the process, I learned to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge we don’t know what we don’t know but to be open to the opportunity to step into awareness for ourselves.
Since that day, I look at every event and every experience and see what the relationship is between past and present. And there is always a relationship. Don’t believe me? Keep a diary of the events and behaviors in your current life and think back when this behavior showed up before. What was the event? How do you feel?
I drank because I wanted to fit in, needed to courage to speak and because I hated myself. But I didn’t know these things. I didn’t know that is why I was drinking so heavily all the time.
I needed to learn to be okay with my past, to love myself exactly the way I am flawed and all and I needed to know that I could always depend on me.
But more than anything else, I needed to forgive.
Forgive my parents.
Forgive my foster parents.
Forgive all the other people.
Forgive the events that happened to me beyond my control.
Forgive the events that were completely in my control.
It is the time that I no longer feel ashamed over this event or embarrassed.
We all do some stupid things at times, some bigger than others.
But they are not the end of the world.
There are however lessons to be learned and grow from.
I am no longer hanging my head in shame but rather acknowledge the incredible awareness that happened because of the event.
And at this moment in time, I want you to know that no matter what stupid thing you have done, you are okay – right here, right now. Don’t beat yourself up over it because you will miss out on so many things that are truly good in your life.
I love you!
When was the last time you felt TOTALLY in sync with your intuition, love, sensuality, and sense of peace?
You might be feeling unloved, broken or stuck, right this very moment.
You probably have experienced life transitions and situations that have weighed on you.
When was the last time you put YOU FIRST and really took care of your body, mind, and spirit like THIS?
I know that I have been there with some big changes and hard decisions that were almost too big to handle.
I’m speaking about Self-Love, Self-Strong & Soulful Energy. In my interview, I’m sharing a bit of my PERSONAL journey. The one that doesn’t allow me to question my intuition ever again and the one that rattled me to my core. You hear me talk about it all the time, but never in this much detail than in the intimate interview with Michele – and it’s a conversation about life, love, and healing.
But I am not the only one! This summit has an amazing team of experts and every one of us is making a difference. You’ll meet over a dozen incredible life-thinkers and problem solvers who’ve come together at the request of my friend Michele Paiva, a licensed psychotherapist and coach who has taught and guided hundreds of people on every continent.
The Radical Sacred Life Summit: Awaken Intuition, Experience Love, Stop Anxiety begins April 30th and yes, it’s totally free but there are some incredibly amazing bonuses if you want to like a Certificate of Ascension!
Together, we want to help you to stop living a half-life of feeling bad about yourself, missing who you used to be instead of living a life so full of radical peacefulness, happiness, and bliss that you never stop pinching yourself!
JOIN US for this FREE ONLINE EVENT!
You and me, we are social creatures and are not meant to go through this world alone. Even introverts need a support system although the thought of being alone is super yummy, it doesn’t benefit your overall mental health.
So why is having a support system such a great idea?
For one thing, you can receive encouragement on those shit days where life just feels like utter chaos and is completely overwhelming. Your people in your corner will cheer you own, give you insights and some wisdom of course. And in turn, you will learn to feel more positive but also find new ways of expressing yourself.
But how do you go about finding your people?
I get it, going outside into the world can sometimes feel like the last thing you want to do. And as much as I love my online business, it can be really refreshing for me to go to my local networking event.
But to find your people, you have to figure out what you may need support for. Make a list of some of the areas in your life that you know could use a little more outside perspective and support.
- Ask yourself who in your life can help you meet your needs?
- Can your turn to family and friends?
- Do you need to join social activities with like-minded people?
- Or maybe can you volunteer to make connections with others. Sometimes receiving is more about giving and both are needed in your life.
- If you run a business are there local meetups you can join?
It is okay to go look outside of your already existing circle!
There is no right or wrong way to create your support system and sometimes to have an objective outside perspective, we need to go look elsewhere.
Maybe hiring a coach or mentor is what you need. Someone who has been where you are right now and who can help you and support you!
Sometimes an accountability partner or a buddy of some kind can be just what you need.
Why is this so important?
When I was a therapist, one of the things you learn early on is that every therapist has a therapist. It’s supportive for your own mental health and sometimes when you work with people you pick up other people’s stuff. Or maybe something happened that you need to get a different perspective on.
Not too long ago, I was in conversation with someone and all over sudden I was on the receiving end of what felt like a verbal attack. I won’t lie, I was in tears because not only am I an introvert but I am super sensitive being. It’s taken a few days to process the event and immediately when I shared, I knew it was a projection of the other person.
But because of events like this and many others such as stress, overwhelm and frustrating moments, creating your support system is not only good for mental health but also personal growth!
No matter where you are in your journey, or what goals you want to achieve, I found that loving yourself is one of those things that needs to come first.
I have compiled a list of 100 ways you can do just that!
- Keep a journal about
- Share your emotions with those who feel safe
- Honor your feelings
- Take time out every day to be still and just be
- Try something new
- Go for a hike or a walk on the trails
- Do something you loved doing as a child
- Take a hot bath
- Make art
- Have a girls night out
- Learn a new skill you’ve been dying to try
- Practice forgiveness
- Rewrite old stories
- Connect with like-minded people
- Become a good steward of money
- Set Boundaries
- Honor your energy around activities and people
- Watch a movie or tv series that makes you laugh
- Break off relationships that don’t support you
- Build a fort in your living room and sleep in it
- Write a short story
- Eat food that makes you feel good
- Get a physical
- Send a thank you note
- Go on a road trip
- Take an art class
- Declutter a space that could use some uplifting
- Take an exercise class
- Go on a health retreat
- Let go of regret
- Make a list of all that you’ve achieved
- Ask for help
- Create Mantra’s that uplift you
- Dress up, even when you’re not going anywhere
- Dance to your favorite song
- Read a book that you’ve been putting off
- Update your wardrobe, maybe get some new underwear
- Take yourself out on a date
- Stop looking to fit in, just be you
- Write a letter to a younger version of you
- Write a letter to a future version of you
- Expect respect
- Establish a morning routine
- Get off social media
- Speak your truth, even when your voice shakes
- Share your dreams
- Volunteer at an organization that matters to you
- Get enough sleep
- Look in the mirror and speak positively to you
- Make a list of 100 things you are grateful for
- Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while
- Go on a date (no expectations)
- Go to the movies
- Give compliments to people you encounter
- Pay it forward
- Trust your intuition
- Limit the amount of news you watch
- Sing your favorite song
- Take the day off and do nothing
- Take action on something you’ve been talking about
- Don’t engage with anything that feels like “should”
- Believe in yourself
- Go swimming in the moonlight
- Increase your water intake
- Go buy yourself a gift
- Create your own personal manifesto
- Have the most incredible and amazing breakfast
- Get a haircut
- Get some new feel-good bedsheets
- Go to a concert or a play you’ve been wanting to see
- Get real about your debt and make a plan of action
- Get some new wall decor that uplifts you
- Take a nap
- Unsubscribe from the email lists you aren’t reading
- Find a new blog that inspires you
- Take a selfie and share it
- Clean out your car
- Engage in sexual pleasure
- Choose a theme song
- Ask your friends what they love about you, be open to receiving.
- Bake your favorite cookies
- Give yourself permission to take a break
- Make a list of all the things you love about yourself
- Walk barefoot in the grass
- Be a tourist in your town or the next town over
- Create an evening routine
- Stop doing that one thing you’ve been saying you’re going to stop
- Cook something you’ve never cooked before
- Go eat at a restaurant you’ve been dying to try out
- Learn a new language
- Learn an instrument or play an instrument if you already know
- Tell someone you love them
- Make a list of compliments you were given
- Take your own advice on something
- Go on a getaway
- Attend a workshop you’ve been wanting to take
- Visit a friend that lives out of town
- Go watch the sunrise or sunset – or both
- Say no to things that you don’t want to do
- Stop comparing yourself to others