Fear is a bit of a tricky beast every now and again and it shows up in different ways and from different places in our body.
Fear is a signal of danger but the challenge is that you don’t always know if it’s real or fake.
If you are going hiking and standing on the edge of the path, and there is that possibility of falling, that is an actual fear because you fear the result, which depending on the height of the edge can be landing you in the hospital or worse.
There is some reality to that kind of fear because you know it could happen and you are being signaled to get off the path for your safety.
But what about the fear when it comes to our dreams and goals?
This fear is often self-imposed because you fear change, success, failure and even missing out. I will be covering all of this in my posts this week, so you can go after what you want and have a better understanding when fear is sabotaging you.
For today I am going to just cover how the beast shows up as that can help you as you move through the actions you must or want to take to move forward.
Procrastination is when you are having an idea of what you want to do but you just can’t sit down and make it happen because you are riddled with doubt and second-guessing. It’s the internal messaging system that signals you with limiting beliefs that you may be holding on to such as “I am not good enough, no one wants what I offer or I am a fraud”. These are things you may have picked up over time from experiences that chipped you a bit in your mindset and tend to hang on to. It is also a signal of not knowing how important something is. Procrastination is when you keep putting things off which leads me to the next point.
Lack of Clarity
When you don’t know what you want and where you want to go, the beast is telling you that right here right now, this is the best you’re going to get. Because there is a lack of clarity, you don’t know what you ought to be doing, what the steps are to get there and how it will all turn out. Having clarity will enable you to feel excited, and it does not mean you won’t feel the fear, but once you know, you are willing to go after what you want anyway. If you have clarity and you can make this idea or dream a priority, your ego will be a little more silent as you are making progress. But this brings me to the last and final point of today’s post.
Are you over-committing?
See the thing about fear is that the ego will find excuses and activities to keep you so busy that you do not have time to prioritize your own dreams and goals. And in the end, you are allowing the beast to win because you are not prioritizing your own stuff and then wonder why you are not progressing and again it comes down to fear. So maybe you could look at your commitments and get some clarity on what you are able to let go?!
When I first started my business, I didn’t realize that a lack of clarity for me personally actually meant that I have a fear of success and that procrastination meant that I have a fear of failure.
Here is what I know however that fear shows up for you to push through, to look at it for what it is, recognize it and know that you are much bigger than your fear and most importantly your ego.
Tomorrow I will be covering Fear of Success and Failure, which are the most common fears one faces when going after their dreams.
I don’t like to use the term bucket list. I much prefer to call it a living list because I am alive right here and right now.
A living list gives it room to be in the present and not something that I am going to do “one day”. It creates focus on really doing the things I wanted to do sooner rather than later.
This is going to be pretty random and I don’t know how long it will be – some of these I have done.. and some of them well I better get cracking!
So here it goes I want to do or have done already that have been on my unpublished list
- Travel with our RV all around the States
- Swim with Manatees
- Do a color run
- Run a marathon
- Hike the Appalachian Trail
Take Ballroom dancing classes
- Visit my friends and family in Germany
- Visit my friends in Australia
- Attend Summer Olympics
- Build a million dollar business
- Spend a week at a beach
- Go to Hawaii
- Become a best-selling author
Create passive income
- Prepare a will
- Get married (what?) at Bold Rock Cidery
- Buy a vacation home in New Mexico
Become a Reiki Master
Attend murder mystery dinner
- Take Art classes
- Publish fiction novel
- Be on the Ellen Show
- Learn Spanish
Publish a Book
- Go to the World Cup FIFA
- Go to London
- Go to Ireland
Be on the Cover of a Magazine
- Meet Iron Maiden
- Spend New Years in New York
Create a coloring book
Attend a Fearless Living workshop
Meet Rhonda Britten
- Public Speaking in front of 10,000 people
- Go camping for a week
- Take surfing lessons
Become Zumba certified
- Join Crossfit
- Do a police ride along
Climb a Tree
- Take riding lessons
- Own a horse ranch
- Be an extra in a movie
- Be an extra on CSI
Be in the newspaper
- Get published on elephant journal
Get published on the Huffington Post
- Be a TEDex Speaker
Be an organ donor
- Learn Sign Language
- Take Bollywood Dance Lessons
- Become an American Citizen
Get a Counseling Degree
- Get a degree in Creative Writing
Start a Business
- Attend a show on Broadway
Go to New York – Madison Square Garden
- Go to a Yankees Game
- Travel with a bicycle for a week
- Record a song
- See Bon Jovi in Concert VIP Style
- Go on an all-girls retreat
- Donate to COTA for organ donation
- Donate to UCD Foundation
- Create an annual retreat
- Get certified as a fearless living coach
- Attend a Tony Robbins event
- See Jeff Dunham Live
- Join a soccer team
- Go to an adult summer camp
- Visit the rainforest
- Donate to the Ronald McDonald Hosue
- Take a family vacation
- Buy a beach house
- Go to a Flyers Game
- Visit Atlantic City
- Go to Vegas
- Visit the Grand Canyon
- Travel Route 66
- Work with Jack Canfield and undergo his training program
- Be featured on Forbes & Entrepreneur
- Create a book collection with inspirational stories
Well, that’s it for now. I will come back to this and cross things off and add things to it – because of a living list…that’s about being in the moment and making changes as you go.
Tell me in the comments what you want to experience!
Most often we wait to make changes until it’s too late. Until there is no point of return.
But you don’t have to wait that long until that happens.
You can make the changes you want, right now.
Because making changes when you are dead are pointless.
If you want to feel happier, have more ease, be healthier, be more open – just start doing and being those things right now.
We attract more the kind of life we want when we are open and already being, feeling and doing the things we have put on hold or are just simply ignoring.
I have always just wanted to be me and believed that it was so hard to do because I was unsure of who I was nor did I know what I stood for. So, it was easy to just go with the flow of others rather than going upstream, which apparently is my preferred method.
And apparently to find myself, my voice and figure out what I stood for, I left a relationship – not because I don’t love this man – but I felt I couldn’t make the changes that I wanted while being with him.
Which is ridiculous, although I feel that it would have taken me much longer. There was that point of no return feeling but I have since learned you don’t have to go that route.
Don’t go for a divorce or a break-up rather seeks the support and help you need to make the changes that you want. Forgive yourself for being so hard on you or the other person, and commit to loving yourself through it all.
Don’t wait for death to lose weight, rather acknowledge that you have allowed yourself to let go, forgive yourself for not taking care of you better and commit that you will love yourself in every way.
Love yourself right now, right here in this moment and commit to being a better person. Be that mirror to you and everyone in your life. Be the light and inspiration that will allow others to acknowledge that change and improvement can happen.
You just must be willing, right here – right now amid the chaos and frustration.
For the longest time, I wondered why my parents didn’t raise me. I questioned why they didn’t love me.
Perhaps, I was damaged and less than perfect.
But how could that be?
I was a healthy blond-haired blue-eyed girl.
My personality! Was it my personality?
Well, how could that be? I was cute and charming like most little kids in their toddler stage.
It gnawed at me. What on this earth creations was so freaking wrong with me that my parents didn’t want me?
Until one day I realized that it wasn’t even about me.
But the damage was done.
The abandonment, the rejection and the feeling of never being good enough.
My co-dependent ways were then ready established because all I wanted was to be good enough to be loved.
So, I pretended that my life was so fucking glorious that I didn’t have a problem in the world. Everything was peachy!
Except for that deep down, it really wasn’t.
I was lonely, afraid and scared as shit that no one would ever love me.
I was everything to everyone for the fear of abandonment, for the fear of being alone. I didn’t want to be alone – ever.
Even as I grew older and the adolescent years were about, I was not single – nope not I cause being single meant being alone.
So many years of hell for the fear of being alone.
Until one day, I chose to be alone.
I chose to love myself and be the person I needed to be for myself.
I chose to live with the abandonment of what others thought of me, believed in me or even how they felt about it. It was none of my damn business.
What mattered was what I thought about myself, how I felt about myself and living my life how I chose to.
I dare say that being abandoned may just be the best thing that happened to me because dammit I am freaking awesome a fun to be around and anyone that thinks otherwise, that’s okay.
Since I was in my teens, I knew deep down I am here to make an impact. What I didn’t know was what it would look like. I struggled for a long time watching as others reached their dreams.
I was frustrated and feeling blocked from figuring out how to create my own shift. I almost settled into a life that I was already living but a voice inside me said no way in hell are you meant to stay stuck here.
I noticed a heaviness in my spine, a feeling I get when something isn’t quite right. I became aware of the negative thoughts I held one too and the negative energy that kept surrounding me. It was like I was a vacuum for everyone else’s negative beliefs and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Here is what I learned when you are ready for waking up for your own life.
You will notice that parts of your core values have shifted. You no longer identify with parts of your personality. You no longer tolerate behaviors of others and are creating boundaries.
You are having a new thirst for knowledge and are heading on a quest. You research self-development and gorge on self-help books and blogs. You are in search of the messages that resonate with you that will bring you the a-ha moment.
You notice the potential of others and become frustrated when they are not stepping up to the plate. This reflects your own potential asking you to step up in your life.
You procrastinate because your inner voice is criticizing you and makes you wonder what the hell you are thinking to try to live a better life. You are procrastinating because you fear the objections and rejections of other people when you are ready to Jump Up & Shine.
You engage in some self-destructive behavior removing the opportunity to feel. Perhaps you are keeping busy with the belief you can’t sit still. Or maybe you are craving food and alcohol to avoid with your emotions.
And then you take action!
Action on what your heart is telling you because you know that you can’t keep living like this. You can’t keep living with the logic being the rule of your mind. Logic is where you contemplate your survival such as how you will pay your bills.
When I was ready to let go of just surviving, I started living. In my own experience, I learned to live from my heart and allow my intuition to guide me. My pain and frustrations are moments of awareness of thoughts and habits I needed to change so that I could design my own life.