How to Focus on the positive

How to Focus on the positive

I am not going to sit here and say that focusing on the positive is easy because honestly, it’s not. In fact, it’s really freaking hard when you are in a shit storm and you can’t see your way out of it. And yet, I know that if you dig deep and get some perspective, the good is available to you!

Often times, when we think about our lives changing, we automatically consider the negatives that come with that. However, even in times of turbulence or stress, some good things can also come from having your world shaken up. Taking time to focus on the positive and finding the good in change is yet another strategy that can help you to better deal with uncertainty. And another truth bomb right here: life always changes and nothing stays the same and in a flash or with one decision the life you knew is different. Guaranteed!

But there are definitely a few things you can do to support you through challenging times and yes focus on the positive!

Discover Your Strengths

With change comes adaptability. We need to adapt in order to roll with the punches. You’ll soon discover some of your greatest strengths as you figure out how to handle the twisted life has thrown your way. Perhaps you’re more creative than you realized, coming up with some neat ideas to raise quick cash. Maybe you’re a good networker and can rally people to your side during those times when you just can’t do it all alone. Change can really bring out the best in us.

Become More Resilient

Another quality you may not have realized you possessed is resiliency. A resilient person gets back up when life knocks them down. Often, we have no choice but to keep going and not give up. Adversity can truly show you your potential to bounce back. In my own journey, I have had parents tell me they don’t know if they could be strong like me or even people in general. I am pretty much a master of adversity but I am telling you that when you are left without a choice, you will dig into your heels. [clickToTweet tweet=”You do the best you can with what you know and it will be enough! ” quote=”You do the best you can with what you know and it will be enough! “]

Learn Something New

While it’s great to lean on your friends in times of trouble, there are also those cases in which changes require you to learn something completely new to you. This type of personal development is invaluable. Gaining new skills or discovering unknown personality traits is almost always a blessing. Instead of looking at a particular situation as a problem, it can help to view it as a learning opportunity.

Speaking of personal development, ask yourself, what can you learn from this experience? How can and will it help you?

There is wisdom in your answers!

Gain Self-Confidence

All of the above byproducts of change can lead to a tremendous boost in self-confidence for you. When you handle a big change like a boss, you can’t help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. Discovering just how strong, resilient, smart, innovative and creative you can bring a shot of feel-good chemicals like none other. And if you are struggling to find that bit of self-confidence, make a list of all the things you’ve achieved already.

Reinvent Your Life

Finally, change sometimes requires us to completely reinvent our lives. Out with the old, in with the new. There are just some life events that are so big that they will never leave you the same. And that can be okay. In fact, it can be absolutely amazing in some cases. When something happens that causes you to do a complete life turnaround without your consent, it can leave you feeling powerless. Turn that feeling around by considering the ways you can adapt to this bombshell and make it work to your advantage. Maybe a job loss can be the catalyst you needed to learn about that industry you’ve been obsessed with for years. Perhaps a breakup will force you to reevaluate the types of relationships you’ve chosen until now. Unexpected change is often the kick in the pants we actually needed to live a more authentic life.

Be the phoenix rising!

While all of these things may not apply to your situation, I hope you can at least see what reframing the idea of change can do for your outlook. By altering the way you look at your circumstances, you can move forward in a more positive and healthier way.

Having clarity of where to go, what to do and who you are in the process is only one step of the equation.

Get the confidence training to empower yourself!

Follow the safe path or listen to your nudges?

Follow the safe path or listen to your nudges?

Let me give you a visual… it’s a thought that came to me a few weeks ago when I was trying for my brain to shut off and go to sleep but instead, this is what transpired:

You’re walking in the forest on a clear path and as you are walking you feel the nudge to go off the beaten path. But you stop yourself in the tracks because you don’t see what lies ahead.

One the clear path you can see where you are going. It feels safe and comfortable. And the path that you are being nudged to take is quite the opposite because it feels a little scary.

Maybe if you listen to your nudge you come across the most beautiful meadow or you come across a wild animal.

Now here is the thing, that wild animal can still meet you along the clear path but you may miss one of the most beautiful views you’ve ever thought possible.

Which will you choose? The safe and clear path or the unknown path?

This is what “taking your idea and running with it” means to me. It’s when an idea comes and I choose to head into the unknown and am rewarded with one of the coolest experiences ever. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel the fear or the doubts that “what if this doesn’t work out”.

It means to follow one thought, one idea and take action on it, even if you don’t know what to expect.

But if I don’t take action I could be missing out on the best thing ever and that perhaps is my bigger fear. The fear that I missed an opportunity to take my life to the next level.

This life is an amazing journey and sometimes you have to take the path less traveled. The one that only you can go on because you are without question being nudged to take it – even if other’s and your ego are sending you the warning signals that it isn’t safe.

What nudges have you been hearing but have not acted on them?

It’s here! My New Book – Forge your own Path, One goal at a time

It’s here! My New Book – Forge your own Path, One goal at a time

You, me and everyone else in this world have a vision!

The challenge?

Falling into the abyss of doing it like everyone else because it’s what you “should” do. But what if you could create your vision, bring it to life without falling into the dark hole of conformity?

Forging your own path is a framework to read, learn and mold from. It’s part of the blueprint that you use to map out the adventure of a lifetime. It’s knowing that even the best laid out plans, sometimes fail. It’s embracing the challenges and detours along the way.

But it is not the know it all answer to solving your problems, another possible solution to forging your own path. More than anything else, it’s becoming who you are, by undoing who you think you should be. It’s defining your own rules and follow your own ideas because that next one could change your life.

I wrote, “Forge your own Path” not only because this is what I have been doing most of my life without even knowing this is what I did. You see, I tried to be the 1950’s housewife, the model employee and even the picture perfect mother.

And every fiber of my being told me it was all wrong.

Forging your own path isn’t easy, but I do believe you will agree with me when I say, it will totally be worth it!

This book emerged onto the horizon on accidental purpose. I am knee deep into my first fiction book that I am writing, and without fail, more book ideas have been inspired by it all. I struggled for awhile to write this book only to realize that I had started this book with a different title back in February. So anyway, here it is… words unleashed into the world once again!

Whenever you’re ready, it’s ready for you

Whenever you’re ready, it’s ready for you

This is one line “Whenever you’re ready, it’s ready for you” is not only my personal mantra but my tagline.

Over the years, I have had many ideas, a few I acted on, a few I let go and a lot of them that just kind of marinated until I was ready.

Sometimes we can’t want all of our ideas to materialize but we struggle to take action and I believe it’s because we are not ready for the idea to actually be a reality.

Why is that?

I think we have to do the internal work first. The kinda of internal work that allows us to remove fear and doubt, so we can tap into our strength and the firm belief that we are here to follow those ideas.

Not all ideas are meant to take on a life form though I will stand by the notion that we need to explore them. There are some ideas we cannot wait to take action on because the excitement is too big and then there are some ideas that are so scary, we keep pushing them into the background.

But when you are ready, it’s ready for you.

I’ve been wanting to write fiction for over 20 years and started with short stories. My challenge is that because English is my second language, I can’t write. But more than anything else what’s been holding me back is the notion of not only who am I do write fiction but who will want to read what comes out of my sometimes twisted mind.

I felt like there was no room for the kinds of stories I wanted to write, which really is just an excuse.

About 2 months ago, I decided I needed a hobby that helps me unplug and doesn’t become a money-making machine and enables me to not work all the time.

I haven’t read for pleasure in about 7 years. After spending 8 years in college online and reading textbook after textbook, followed by writing one paper after another, I was burned out on reading. And I enjoyed reading before that time.

If I wasn’t crocheting or wood-burning, my nose was in a book solving crimes. I am a huge mystery, crime and true story kind of person. And I missed it. A lot.

Ok back to my story. I started reading paranormal romance and have since then read over 20 books on my kindle. So I am totally winning at taking the time out of my business.

But something else happened. A spark that was smoldering in the depth of my soul was lit on fire. The idea that I wanted to write fa fiction book took a hold of me and not just any kind of fiction. Paranormal Romance Suspense, that kind of fiction. It’s really merging the short stories I used to write with an interest in paranormal I didn’t know I had.

And you see, years ago I wasn’t ready to write those kinds of books. There’s a lot of internal work that had to happen first and a lot of clarification that needed to come out of the darkness about who I was, what I am meant to do and how I wanted to spend my time.

But what I just shared is true for every phase of my life as I look back on it. Whenever I was ready to take the action, the ideas and how to make them happen unfolded right in front of me. And I believe the same thing for you.

  • When you are ready to put yourself first, it will happen because you will know what to do.
  • When you are ready to live your life without negativity, you will know what to do.
  • When you are ready to start a career or a business that has been calling you, you will know what to do.

I’ve been sharing parts of my world in different places, trying to maintain several blogs because part of me wasn’t ready to merge them all in one place. But I was ready, right before my 43rd Birthday to have every part of me be whole in one place.

Gone is the shiny website that indicated I might be a coach and I certainly could be but my mission really has become more about giving you and showing you the how to lead you and to guide you to the life that you want by allowing you to see my shadow sides but also the transformation that happened.

Because I know that sometimes you wonder if your life will ever be different, and I am telling you it can be the moment you are ready, but not until then.

The struggle, the pain, and the frustrations are so much part of the journey and you need to dig deep to not just change your mindset but to really own your power and decide you are going to be you. As long as you are still hiding because it’s nice, safe and the secure, you are not going to be ready for the next step, the next phase or the next idea.

So take my mantra “Whenever you’re ready, it’s ready for you”, write it on a post-it note and place it wherever you can see it all the time as a small reminder that your journey is unfolding just as it needs to and that the moment you are ready, things will shift and they will change!

And if you want to be a little bit more of an accelerated path, the Rebel Spark Collective is here to support you! It’s the place and space where I share what I have learned in 43 years of being on this planet and 15 years in business… and beyond!

Lessons learned from a DUI

Lessons learned from a DUI

There are moments that are still haunting me in my life, although they are becoming less and less. These are moments I am not incredibly proud of but there have by far contributed to my own personal growth.

The distance in time helps but there are still moments of shame, guilt, and even embarrassment.

It wasn’t a great time in my life, the relationship I was in was falling apart for many various reasons and I was still heavily into self-loathing and self-destruction. Even though I had young children to care for.

I went out to a party and that’s it. I don’t remember anything after that, except for brief moments sitting in a cop car and then waking up behind bars as I was released.

There has been a war within of taking responsibility for myself and my actions while realizing that my drink was spiked. And perhaps it wasn’t but that’s not the point of this post.

The point is, I was drunk and got behind the wheel and had to deal with the consequences.

For the first time in my life, I had to look at myself. 

I had to acknowledge that what I was doing was not serving me or my kids.

I had to see that how I was showing up in this world was fully my responsibility.

I needed to take accountability for my actions.

And it was hard and painful. 

For the first time in my life, I saw I was playing the victim.

The victim because I was born to parents who were not equipped to raise me.

The victim because I grew up in foster care and no one wanted or loved me.

The victim that if no one thought I was good enough, I didn’t deserve to love myself.

As I began looking at myself at the age of 26, who had endured so much, I was able to make sense of my own behavior. It felt like the fog has finally lifted and that it was time for me to step out of the shadow.

I was embarrassed that I allowed it to get out of control.

I was ashamed that I seemed to have followed my parent’s footsteps.

I was riddled with guilt for slamming the truck into a house with a family in it.

How could I allow this to happen? 

Going through all the motions after the restricted license, the required education class and therapy I know that I balanced on the edge between alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction.

And truly, there is no excuse.

But there is no reason for me to continue to beat myself up over it.

It’s been 16 years.

16 years of venturing out into the light.

16 years of turning my life around.

16 years of becoming who I have always been.

There are still moments where I shake my head in disbelief and say, “How could I?” but it happened exactly when it needed to happen.

It happened so that I could wake the hell up. 

I needed to unravel and become completely undone. 

And in the process, I learned to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge we don’t know what we don’t know but to be open to the opportunity to step into awareness for ourselves.

Since that day, I look at every event and every experience and see what the relationship is between past and present. And there is always a relationship. Don’t believe me? Keep a diary of the events and behaviors in your current life and think back when this behavior showed up before. What was the event? How do you feel?

I drank because I wanted to fit in, needed to courage to speak and because I hated myself. But I didn’t know these things. I didn’t know that is why I was drinking so heavily all the time.

I needed to learn to be okay with my past, to love myself exactly the way I am flawed and all and I needed to know that I could always depend on me.

But more than anything else, I needed to forgive.

Forgive me.

Forgive my parents.

Forgive my foster parents.

Forgive all the other people.

Forgive the events that happened to me beyond my control.

Forgive the events that were completely in my control.

It is the time that I no longer feel ashamed over this event or embarrassed.

We all do some stupid things at times, some bigger than others.

But they are not the end of the world.

There are however lessons to be learned and grow from.

I am no longer hanging my head in shame but rather acknowledge the incredible awareness that happened because of the event.

And at this moment in time, I want you to know that no matter what stupid thing you have done, you are okay – right here, right now. Don’t beat yourself up over it because you will miss out on so many things that are truly good in your life.

I love you!

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