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lessons

Lessons learned from a DUI

There are moments that are still haunting me in my life, although they are becoming less and less. These are moments I am not incredibly proud of but there have by far contributed to my own personal growth.

The distance in time helps but there are still moments of shame, guilt, and even embarrassment.

It wasn’t a great time in my life, the relationship I was in was falling apart for many various reasons and I was still heavily into self-loathing and self-destruction. Even though I had young children to care for.

I went out to a party and that’s it. I don’t remember anything after that, except for brief moments sitting in a cop car and then waking up behind bars as I was released.

There has been a war within of taking responsibility for myself and my actions while realizing that my drink was spiked. And perhaps it wasn’t but that’s not the point of this post.

The point is, I was drunk and got behind the wheel and had to deal with the consequences.

For the first time in my life, I had to look at myself. 

I had to acknowledge that what I was doing was not serving me or my kids.

I had to see that how I was showing up in this world was fully my responsibility.

I needed to take accountability for my actions.

And it was hard and painful. 

For the first time in my life, I saw I was playing the victim.

The victim because I was born to parents who were not equipped to raise me.

The victim because I grew up in foster care and no one wanted or loved me.

The victim that if no one thought I was good enough, I didn’t deserve to love myself.

As I began looking at myself at the age of 26, who had endured so much, I was able to make sense of my own behavior. It felt like the fog has finally lifted and that it was time for me to step out of the shadow.

I was embarrassed that I allowed it to get out of control.

I was ashamed that I seemed to have followed my parent’s footsteps.

I was riddled with guilt for slamming the truck into a house with a family in it.

How could I allow this to happen? 

Going through all the motions after the restricted license, the required education class and therapy I know that I balanced on the edge between alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction.

And truly, there is no excuse.

But there is no reason for me to continue to beat myself up over it.

It’s been 16 years.

16 years of venturing out into the light.

16 years of turning my life around.

16 years of becoming who I have always been.

There are still moments where I shake my head in disbelief and say, “How could I?” but it happened exactly when it needed to happen.

It happened so that I could wake the hell up. 

I needed to unravel and become completely undone. 

And in the process, I learned to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge we don’t know what we don’t know but to be open to the opportunity to step into awareness for ourselves.

Since that day, I look at every event and every experience and see what the relationship is between past and present. And there is always a relationship. Don’t believe me? Keep a diary of the events and behaviors in your current life and think back when this behavior showed up before. What was the event? How do you feel?

I drank because I wanted to fit in, needed to courage to speak and because I hated myself. But I didn’t know these things. I didn’t know that is why I was drinking so heavily all the time.

I needed to learn to be okay with my past, to love myself exactly the way I am flawed and all and I needed to know that I could always depend on me.

But more than anything else, I needed to forgive.

Forgive me.

Forgive my parents.

Forgive my foster parents.

Forgive all the other people.

Forgive the events that happened to me beyond my control.

Forgive the events that were completely in my control.

It is the time that I no longer feel ashamed over this event or embarrassed.

We all do some stupid things at times, some bigger than others.

But they are not the end of the world.

There are however lessons to be learned and grow from.

I am no longer hanging my head in shame but rather acknowledge the incredible awareness that happened because of the event.

And at this moment in time, I want you to know that no matter what stupid thing you have done, you are okay – right here, right now. Don’t beat yourself up over it because you will miss out on so many things that are truly good in your life.

I love you!

 

Petra is a coach and mentor for creatives, rebels and dreamers who are ready to find the courage to forge their own path because life is too short to feed the fear.

She’s the founder of the Rebel Soul Connection, a community for creatives, rebels, and dreamers to take action with tools, resources, support, and accountability.

becoming

365 Days of Becoming – a Journey into Self

It’s finally here! 365 Days of Becoming – a Journey into Self!

I’ve been working on this, well ever since the idea came to me and so I spent about a month creating the pages and start putting it together.

And it’s a monster!

What exactly is 365 Days of Becoming?

It’s a journey into self. Think about it like as if you are born every single day. Something new to explore and discover about who you are!

Growth always happens from the inside out and it requires courage to be you.

And this journal is so much more because it is also a coloring book. And I wrote about doodling and journaling to give you an insight of how I got started and hopefully conveyed why I find this important!

So how do you use this journal/coloring book?

The pages are filled with quotes, mantra’s and affirmations so you can really feel into the words.

Use them as prompts if you are not sure on what to write.

Color them in any time you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and just need to calm yourself.

What will this journal help you achieve or what will it do for you?

  • It will help you to be more present in each moment. All too often we are scattered all over the place and forget to feel and be.
  • It will help you to unlock your own creativity and tap into the parts that perhaps you have been hiding.
  • It will help you solve your own problems. When you venture into sitting down every day and uncover what is holding you back, you are opening the door to your solutions.
  • It will help you become more confident as you are diving deep into your soul and go on to discover who you are.

It’s 365 Coloring Pages and 365 Writing Pages! This thing is HUGE!

Here’s the thing, life is an adventure and this book is your companion along this journey!

Get your Copy of 365 Days of Becoming on Amazon Today!

Petra is a coach and mentor for creatives, rebels and dreamers who are ready to find the courage to forge their own path because life is too short to feed the fear.

She’s the founder of the Rebel Soul Connection, a community for creatives, rebels, and dreamers to take action with tools, resources, support, and accountability.

walking on the level of your soul

How I was catapulted into the journey of gratitude on a soul level

When you are in the trenches of life, of the unknown and in the struggle, you are given situations and even opportunities to change and to make the leap to grow.

There is no denying that I struggled in my life, that I was in the trenches more than I can think about in one moment. And yet I know that each experience was also a lesson.

And I suppose that when my youngest son was diagnosed with this rare genetic disorder, the Universe was trying to make sure I finally wake up.

Walk on the Level of your Soul

It was time to look at me, my life and the people that were in it and decide that I could no longer go on the way I had existed.

And this isn’t something that can be taught but I made the space to be guided by my soul.

It meant to become more present in each moment and to walk some of it alone and yet I was never truly alone.

But the experience, the feelings, the knowledge I held combined with my soul made an impact. It set me free from conformity and broke the chains trying to contain who I really am.

Soul walk doesn’t just happen!

It starts with a wake-up call! 8 years ago, on this day, my son received his first donated liver.  A few days after he needed his second liver. The month that followed, they were hard.

The kind of hard that is incredibly difficult to put into words. For a moment, I saw him not breathing, and the doctors doing their best to bring him back.

It’s in that moment you lean into trust. Give your soul permission to guide you.

It’s knowing that in each moment you are okay!

It meant that because of the medical advances, technology my son could receive this amazing gift of life. There isn’t a day I don’t think about the families who made the choice. The choice to give the gift of life.

I am so grateful for the families but also the soul journey that followed because it would mean nothing if I don’t walk on the level of my soul.

I had to get naked from all the shit I was feeding my mind with. Reframe the messages and the norms I was taught.

It was time to begin a new draft. A new story but one that is co-authored by my soul.

This doesn’t mean the struggle stopped, quite the opposite. But it taught me that gratitude is much more than just being thankful for what is.

It is being grateful for the lessons, the experiences, and the journey. This kind of gratitude is truly hard to explain because is a feeling from within.

And here is my message to you:

Until you are truly ready for this kind of a soul walk – you will without a doubt, struggle, experience hardships and wonder when your life will change.

And your life will change when you are ready to go into the darkness and come out into the light.

It is dark and scary and all too often overwhelming because of the unknown and gazillion what-if’s swirling in your head.

But in this moment, what if you could be present and reflect on where you have been, where you are and where you are envisioning to be going with your life.

Gratitude isn’t something that can be taught.

It is something you experience.

It is something you feel deep inside your existence.

Because I can tell you to write down what you are grateful for 10 times a day all day long, but unless you are ready to shed the bullshit it won’t matter and your soul will bring you that wake-up call if you don’t start listening to your soul now.

Allow your soul to guide you.

If you are ready to look at yourself in a different light, to really walk on the level of your soul, then join the Rebel Soul Connection!

It’s filled with courses, programs, resources, and challenges to help you connect with you!

Petra is a coach and mentor for creatives, rebels and dreamers who are ready to find the courage to forge their own path because life is too short to feed the fear.

She’s the founder of the Rebel Soul Connection, a community for creatives, rebels, and dreamers to take action with tools, resources, support, and accountability.

You already have the how, you just need the what

You know how we always get hung up on the how to do something?

Here’s the thing, once you decide you want to do change something, the how comes to you by allowing yourself that you want whatever it is you want.

And yet, sometimes figuring out the how will bring you closer to the what because that’s how life is.

Years ago, when I was still stuck in poverty and I wanted to get out of that kind of living, I defined what I wanted and for me that included entrepreneurship.

I didn’t have a clue about how that would happen but by having this intention it opened the doors to my mind allowing in all the possibilities that could become a reality.

It all started with my artist business. I love creating wood burnings and crochet but I love art in general. Once I had my own business, it evolved in helping other artists to sell their creations and even though I had no idea how that would happen, eventually, I had a brick & mortar store.

And because life can be as funny as smooth sailing or crazy as the storm, we experience events to just really figure out what it is we want from our own life and even ourselves.

As a service oriented person, I know I want to help people and briefly thought that being a counselor would bring me the satisfaction I was looking for. I closed my brick & mortar store and became a counselor.

But here’s the thing I realized that working for someone else wasn’t really for me. I really wanted to work for myself because I wanted to be in control of my schedule. But I also wanted to be present for my kids at any given moment, or my friends or whoever may need love and support. I didn’t want to explain that I had to be at a j-o-b.

And the question became, how could I turn my life experiences and my skills into something that would bring me to the life I wanted. Enter transformational coaching.

There is a lot of mindset work that happens during this journey of deciding what it is you want, but the closer I focused on what I wanted, the easier the how became.

At the same time, sometimes by engaging the how and becoming strategic, you begin to take action.

How do you start following your dream?

By doing of course.

Decide what you want.

If the how doesn’t come to you, there are resources that can figure out what your steps are. And sometimes, looking at those steps and then doing them may even reveal if that is what you really want.

Petra is a coach and mentor for creatives, rebels and dreamers who are ready to find the courage to forge their own path because life is too short to feed the fear.

She’s the founder of the Rebel Soul Connection, a community for creatives, rebels, and dreamers to take action with tools, resources, support, and accountability.

We never arrive but we can live in the moment

Some years ago, I shared that I felt like that I had arrived because I truly believed I had figured out my calling but it wasn’t shortly after that it dawned on me that we never fully arrive.

Yes, we can figure out our passion and call in life but because we are amazing creatures that evolve time and time again, everything is subject to change.

15 years ago, I believed that my calling was to become a CPA and so I put myself through school. I was good with the numbers and detail oriented enough as well as quite tech savvy. But a few weeks into an accounts receivable position and I was bored out of my freaking mind and realized that I am not a cubicle girl. I took a different position as a bookkeeper to help me get by until I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up.

My heart has always been called to helping people and after some more twists and turns in my life story, I went back to school to become a mental health counselor. I knew deep down what it meant to recover and heal from the pain that we endure through actions of others and when I finally got myself a job as a counselor, I had this feeling of having arrived once again.

I took so much pleasure in serving my community and helping people and gave it my all and literally found myself at the end of a burn-out. I realized that I was no longer aligned with the work I was doing and sabotaged myself out of the job.

But it was a total blessing in disguise for me because I truly love helping people believe in their dreams and support them in taking action. There is something quite magical that happens when I see dreamers do the work and do what it takes to create their own reality. And I find myself once again has having arrived at my next destination.

I am fully aware that each destination is only temporary but what feels so much more incredible about this is that I am in the present and for the moment I am enjoying the ride.

And that is what life is about, to enjoy each arrive with excitement fully believing this is it because, in that moment in time, it truly is it. And if you are still looking for that feeling that has you jumping for joy because you’ve finally made it, trust that you will know when you arrive.

Petra is a coach and mentor for creatives, rebels and dreamers who are ready to find the courage to forge their own path because life is too short to feed the fear.

She’s the founder of the Rebel Soul Connection, a community for creatives, rebels, and dreamers to take action with tools, resources, support, and accountability.

My interview over at Mothers Joint

I always get nervous when I do an interview and my mindset takes a tackle.

I want my story to be heard, I want to inspire and help other people overcome their owns struggle and go after their big dreams.

Here’s what I learned however that when you share your story openly in communities be it online and offline, someone wants to and needs to hear it.

It’s a notch in my confidence belt when I am being approached to be interviewed rather than me having to go after it (not that I mind, it’s just harder).

I love Mothers Joint because the focus is on helping and inspiring women so they can feel empowered. That’s totally my thing, empowering women to go after their own dreams no matter what their story is.

Our biggest barrier is fear because we allow it to rule and control ourselves, rather than look at it, dissect it and learn from it.

From their website:

Mothers Joint is a platform for inspiration for the Entrepreneur and Mother in you. Mothers Joint is where super mums support and inspire each other. It is all about your word, your journey. Join us to inspire women to pursue their passion while being the best mums to their children. We are the place where mums can get answers, and the results they want from their daily lives and businesses.

And I love everything about this because in addition to being an entrepreneur I am also a mother and sometimes it’s hard to manage all aspects of our lives. It’s like we have that little extra to focus on and worry about – but by no means am I implying that people without kids don’t have their share of a need for support.

As a matter of fact, every single one of us needs support at some point. When we believe that we can go out and do it ourselves we are creating an illusion and then wonder why we are not moving forward.

Find yourself that one person (or more) that will be your support system.

In the meantime, if you want to read the article click here 

Petra is a coach and mentor for creatives, rebels and dreamers who are ready to find the courage to forge their own path because life is too short to feed the fear.

She’s the founder of the Rebel Soul Connection, a community for creatives, rebels, and dreamers to take action with tools, resources, support, and accountability.