For the longest time, I wondered why my parents didn’t raise me. I questioned why they didn’t love me.
Perhaps, I was damaged and less than perfect.
But how could that be?
I was a healthy blond-haired blue-eyed girl.
My personality! Was it my personality?
Well, how could that be? I was cute and charming like most little kids in their toddler stage.
It gnawed at me. What on this earth creations was so freaking wrong with me that my parents didn’t want me?
Until one day I realized that it wasn’t even about me.
But the damage was done.
The abandonment, the rejection and the feeling of never being good enough.
My co-dependent ways were then ready established because all I wanted was to be good enough to be loved.
So, I pretended that my life was so fucking glorious that I didn’t have a problem in the world. Everything was peachy!
Except for that deep down, it really wasn’t.
I was lonely, afraid and scared as shit that no one would ever love me.
I was everything to everyone for the fear of abandonment, for the fear of being alone. I didn’t want to be alone – ever.
Even as I grew older and the adolescent years were about, I was not single – nope not I cause being single meant being alone.
So many years of hell for the fear of being alone.
Until one day, I chose to be alone.
I chose to love myself and be the person I needed to be for myself.
I chose to live with the abandonment of what others thought of me, believed in me or even how they felt about it. It was none of my damn business.
What mattered was what I thought about myself, how I felt about myself and living my life how I chose to.
I dare say that being abandoned may just be the best thing that happened to me because dammit I am freaking awesome a fun to be around and anyone that thinks otherwise, that’s okay.