How to create a life before you are ready

How to create a life before you are ready

Start before you are ready – a phrase that is often thrown around followed by “forget the how”. But really your kind of need to know the how to move forward.

It always kind of drives me nuts when people say that you don’t need to know how you just need to get going. Get going with what?

For some, it seems so crystal clear, while for others it sets you into a spiral of never getting started at all.

But here’s the thing, you can always learn “the how”.

  • There are books in the library
  • There are blogs on the internet
  • There are videos on YouTube

All sources that can show you and teach you the how. What you really need to do is decide what you are going after and what you are creating.

But what I am talking about here really hasn’t anything to do with it. What it comes down to is to visualize the life you want and what do you want to create.

A favorite exercise is to write it out.

Free write about:

  • the life you want
  • the perfect day
  • the job or business you want
  • the relationships you want

Get detailed and specific on your vision. Don’t just write about the material things you want, but get into your feelings that you want to experience in your life.

Now look at what you have written and circle your feeling words.

Once you have circled all those feelings, ask yourself where you aren’t experiencing those feelings, and then ask yourself how can you start.

The element of creating a life before we are ready is to give ourselves permission to start feeling today and not when we have money in the bank or are on a week’s vacation. We don’t want to feel them for a short period of time, we want them all the time.

When I have created my vision for my year, these are the feelings I want to experience:

  • Freedom
  • Joy
  • Peace

Here is what those three words bring into my life:

  • Freedom for me means going on adventurous road trips.
  • Freedom for me means being able to take a nap when my body is called to do it.
  • Freedom for me means being able to work from anywhere in and around my home.
  • Freedom brings me joy and peace.
  • My family brings me joy. The experiences we have brings me joy.
  • Doing what I love brings me peace. Loving me (yep) and loving my family also brings me peace.

So, every day I ask how can I have those things. This is just a glimpse of all that I want to feel but I share them because they are my primary feelings.

This also allows you to dig deeper. It helps you go after your dreams and goals and so you can live a life that truly feels good.

  • What kind of job or business allows you to include those feelings?
  • What kind of relationship will help you feel those feelings?
  • What interests and hobbies can support you with these feelings?

Once you have figured all of this out, then you can start wondering about the how and begin your research on what it will take to make it a reality.

 

7 Lessons I learned so far this year

7 Lessons I learned so far this year

At the beginning of this year, I was in a downward spiral. Every morning I got up, did the work I believed I needed to do, tried to live as if and just brought about financial ruin. And there are lessons to be learned.

But here is what I know about myself, I am not a quitter, if anything that makes me push harder, and that was exactly the problem.

As I am sitting in my living room now, I reflect on the last 7 month and realized that not only has a lot changed for me, I am no longer pushing as hard, and life – well life is good.

Here are 7 lessons that I learned so far, this year:

Business and life need to be on your terms 

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in how other people are doing things, and we believe that if we do it like those other people, life will be grand. The truth is, however, that we are living on someone else’s dreams and terms and not on our own. The moment, I got really clear on what that meant for me, I could align my goals and actions accordingly.

Money isn’t a true motivator, it’s a bonus 

I like money and needed just like everyone else but it isn’t my motivator of why I create art, coach people on getting started nor the reason I blog or build websites. I love helping people, supporting them in going after what they want and seeing them taking action and taking steps forward, that lights me up like nothing else. The money I make is truly just a bonus.

Reading is of the essence in your growth 

I used to be an avid reader, usually, crime related in fiction and non-fiction, but ever since I graduated from my master’s program, I hadn’t felt the desire to read. But I had a choice to make and to expand and grow, reading had to once again be part of my life. It’s essential if we want to expand our knowledge and grow as a person. There is always something new to learn.

Create a morning routine that supports you

I wasn’t always aware of my morning routine, other than my habitual coffee drinking. I started reading the Artist way, and began a daily journaling practice and added reading time. Just a few hours to myself, to support me mentally as well as emotionally. Writing about my fears and doubts and then bust through them with affirmations and actions, has really done wonders for me.

Stepping away from Facebook gets things done 

When I first began the journey of 100% entrepreneurship, I totally got sucked into Facebook. Everyone talked about how great it is to build your business but 6 months in, I was burned out. They tell you to be vulnerable, give value and answer questions, but it has become such a spam fest in the groups, that I no longer feel excited about them. And I stepped away from groups and all over sudden, I found myself to get things done, such as my Academy finally getting off the ground.

Staying true to your values and feelings is key 

I have 3 primary values that I want to embody every single day: Freedom, Peace, and Joy. If my activities don’t provide these feelings alone or in combination, odds are I won’t complete them. But also, by asking myself every day: How can I feel free today? How can I feel peace? How can I feel joy? Those questions guide me and truly provide for me.

Being open to opportunity and possibility brings achievement 

At the beginning of the year, I found my word to be: experience. I wanted to experience more freedom, more connections, more adventure. I started off with going to a workshop with one of my favorite coaches, Rhonda Britten. This followed a fun 2-day trip into New York and going to a concert, walking to Strawberry Fields and seeing the city for the first time. And then I went to visit a friend in North Carolina, someone I connected with in a Facebook Group and one of her summits I participated in.

And now a few months later, more opportunities have presented themselves and more possibilities have shown up for me. Financially, I am in a much better place and emotionally I feel free, peaceful and joy every single day. Yes, there are still days where I feel irritation and frustration creep up, but I am more aware of them now, thanks to the lessons I have learned.

What lessons have you learned so far, this year?

You don’t have to break up with Fear

Last month, I attended a 3-day workshop with Rhonda Britten and it was everything I thought it would be and then some.

I first learned about Rhonda Britten on the show “Starting Over” and have been smitten with her and the life coaching profession.

The weekend was hard work but also amazing and freeing in so many ways. Knowing how I function and why I do things has always been part of my own personal journey.

The better I understand myself, the better I can serve others. 

But most importantly, I can show up in this world as myself, no longer worrying about what people will think about me whether they like me or agree with my musings.

And at the core of being authentic in this world, I believe 100% that self-awareness is critical to our own success and to the ability to create the kind of life we want.

What I learned during those 3 days is that you don’t have to break up with fear but you can acknowledge that it exists, and yes live fearlessly.

Being afraid is good because it keeps us safe and protected and yet at the same time it can literally stop us from taking action and doing the things we want to do.

There is truth in the fact that in some areas of our lives we don’t have fear because we can do the things with ease and not question ourselves our doubt anything about it.

This is more challenging in other areas. The areas that have as nervous and shaking because they call us from a place deep within and beg of ourselves to become uncomfortable so we can push ourselves and grow into the person we already area.

But fear is that little voice when we begin to dream about how we want to live and be that tells us, we will lose friends or we will be going after a new career. Change externally is hard but more challenging work when we are willing to do the internal work.

When we step into the person that we already are, we are weeding out the ones that support us and help us grow from the ones that want to keep us safe but drain our energies because they themselves haven’t recognized the fear that holds them back.

Wherever you are on your journey, give yourself permission to dream and get excited about all the things that could amazingly become your reality. It isn’t about the money ever, it is about feeling and being who we are 100% and recognizing how we want to feel in each given moment.

Yes, money gives us nice things and allows us to cover our basic needs but the life we want to create is based on the feelings we want to harness – that is the true secret of recognizing that you don’t have to break up with fear ever but it also doesn’t need to hold you back creating the life you want.

How running helps me stay emotionally balanced

Running is one of those activities that people either love or hate. Some people force themselves to go running because they think that is what they must do to exercise, while others run for the joy of running. And then there are people like me, who not only like running but it has a necessary component for self-care.

I run for exercise but I also run for letting go of frustrations of the day and other negative emotions that have entered my life that day. Let’s be honest, even with all the positive mindset and optimism in our lives, some days are right out shitty as hell. I learned that on those days I run my best times, like a 10K in 58 minutes.

But what running really does for me is to acknowledge that if I can have children and raise them, then I can run up this one hill.

And if I can go to school, earn two degrees and work in a field that I enjoy, then I can run up the next hill.

If I can keep my son alive from a rare genetic disorder, I can run longer and go just a little bit further.

There are often many moments that I have run 4 kilometers and I feel the need to take a break, and then I remember some challenge in my life on how I have overcome it.

In other moments, I remember how frustrated I was about a situation on this day and push right through it, just a little more, just a little harder.

This is how I run my life. Every single time I get frustrated, I push a little harder, think a little deeper about how I can still achieve what it is that I want or need to do.

Running helps me find my emotional balance. It’s my way of meditating for clarity, processing feelings and events and letting go of whatever it is that needs to be released.

The day that follows tends to be harder because I pushed myself so much during my run that I am tired and don’t usually get much done, except for taking a bath with Epsom salt and essential oils. This is where I sit in the tub and reflect on my run, not only my pace and how far but all that came about that will help me move forward.

How do you balance your emotions?

 

Grasping at my emotions

Grasping at my emotions

Today at a fire drill, I felt tears well up and it was a bit of a fight to not succumb. It’s a bit odd to fall into tears at a fire drill because I’ve not had experiences with fire or accidents of any kind that I recall.

I do know that when my son was going through his transplants and I was holding a vigil in the ICU, something happened to me. Something quite drastically if you will.

I’ve always been sensitive but learned to hide it well. I have also always been able to pick up on the energy in the room, the feelings of a person just by standing near them. But when my son was fighting or his life on the breathing tube, my core was shaken up and life took on a whole different meaning.

Trivial things like a tidy home seem to matter less. The way I took care of myself, following my dreams mattered more but not until much later when my son would be alive, playing and going to school.

I also became more sensitive than before. I used LOVE Hallmark movies but I find I can no longer watch them because I don’t want to be a slobbering mess. Cancer stories, the star-spangled banner, the amazing deeds by musicians making dreams come true and amazing proposal – I just can’t watch them without crying.

But I have realized that’s mighty interesting to me… you see before my son’s medical ordeal, I hardly cried. I remember crying when my foster parents would take me back to the group home (I was 6 at the time) – eventually, they would take me in and so my crying stopped. I had no problems life was grant, well not really but I learned to pretend well.

In my adolescent years, quite without a family so-to-speak, I was in another group home. But life was good and I was happy. I had friends that liked me and I was as social I could be ALL.THE.TIME.

I hardly cried though. When I was sad, mad or what-have-you I may have cried in the still of my bedroom but never in front of another person. It kind of changed with the birth of my first-born but never fully or to the extent that I cry now – though I still don’t cry in front of people (at least not if I can help it).

But then it dawned on me, my son’s medical situation truly did change me within my core. It opened the gates of my intuitive emotions. It’s hard to explain but perhaps you get it… I can feel which is something that I have denied myself for so long since my childhood.

For the last several years I found myself getting frustrated about the constant crying I was doing, wondering what the heck is wrong with me, just to realize now that there is NOTHING wrong with me.

I am a sensitive person who feels everything all the time and while I can manage most days well there are those fleeting moments when my emotions must be released. I noticed that in my work, I pick up other people’s feelings and in some instances, they may be carrying along with me until I have a moment to let go.

I find I cry in moments that are so utterly and completely align with me and where I am in this universe. I wasn’t too keen on this happening during a fire drill but man what a great insightful journey this is.

So be kind to yourself on your journey 🙂

 

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