How Fear shows up in your life

How Fear shows up in your life

Fear is a bit of a tricky beast every now and again and it shows up in different ways and from different places in our body.

Fear is a signal of danger but the challenge is that you don’t always know if it’s real or fake.

If you are going hiking and standing on the edge of the path, and there is that possibility of falling, that is an actual fear because you fear the result, which depending on the height of the edge can be landing you in the hospital or worse.

There is some reality to that kind of fear because you know it could happen and you are being signaled to get off the path for your safety.

But what about the fear when it comes to our dreams and goals?

This fear is often self-imposed because you fear change, success, failure and even missing out. I will be covering all of this in my posts this week, so you can go after what you want and have a better understanding when fear is sabotaging you.

For today I am going to just cover how the beast shows up as that can help you as you move through the actions you must or want to take to move forward.

Procrastination

Procrastination is when you are having an idea of what you want to do but you just can’t sit down and make it happen because you are riddled with doubt and second-guessing. It’s the internal messaging system that signals you with limiting beliefs that you may be holding on to such as “I am not good enough, no one wants what I offer or I am a fraud”. These are things you may have picked up over time from experiences that chipped you a bit in your mindset and tend to hang on to. It is also a signal of not knowing how important something is. Procrastination is when you keep putting things off which leads me to the next point.

Lack of Clarity

When you don’t know what you want and where you want to go, the beast is telling you that right here right now, this is the best you’re going to get. Because there is a lack of clarity, you don’t know what you ought to be doing, what the steps are to get there and how it will all turn out. Having clarity will enable you to feel excited, and it does not mean you won’t feel the fear, but once you know, you are willing to go after what you want anyway. If you have clarity and you can make this idea or dream a priority, your ego will be a little more silent as you are making progress. But this brings me to the last and final point of today’s post.

Are you over-committing?

See the thing about fear is that the ego will find excuses and activities to keep you so busy that you do not have time to prioritize your own dreams and goals. And in the end, you are allowing the beast to win because you are not prioritizing your own stuff and then wonder why you are not progressing and again it comes down to fear. So maybe you could look at your commitments and get some clarity on what you are able to let go?!

When I first started my business, I didn’t realize that a lack of clarity for me personally actually meant that I have a fear of success and that procrastination meant that I have a fear of failure.

Here is what I know however that fear shows up for you to push through, to look at it for what it is, recognize it and know that you are much bigger than your fear and most importantly your ego.

What’s it going to take before you will take action

What’s it going to take before you will take action

You have this amazing dream of writing a book, starting a business and perhaps even lose some weight. And yet, here we are at the end of May and you’re looking everything, realizing you didn’t get very far.

What are you waiting for?

Are you waiting for the perfect moment?
Are you waiting for until you’ve perfected the skill?
Are you waiting for the moment you feel you’re enough?

Why can’t it be right this very moment?

What is holding you back?

Is it fear of failing? Fear of disappointing yourself or others?

Worry?

The lack of not knowing how?

Every excuse you make is a bullshit reason for why you are not willing to make your dream, goal or resolution happen.

When is enough, well enough?

How much longer are you willing to just watch others make their own dreams come true while you are still wishing you could?

Here is the truth: You can!

You need to stop making excuses and start taking action – even when the fear is as loud as a damn jet engine.

Fear is just an emotion, just like anger, love, happiness etc. Are you willing to allow the emotion to rule you, or are you willing to decide how you are going to feel and what you are going to do?

I think too often, we forget that we have a choice.

We always have a choice!

When we were kids, we were told we don’t have a choice. We need to follow the rules, do as we are told. We are told to graduate high school, go to college or learn a trade.

We are told that we should be grateful for the job we have and just go on with our mediocre life.

Yes, I said it: MEDIOCRE

Because I know you envision your life to be different. I know that you have dreams and goals that you want to achieve but because you were told you didn’t have a choice, you just let life slip on by.

What if I told you that you are in control of your life, that you have the power to choose what you will or will not do and how you will live?

Choose and Decide!

What’s it going to be? Living your life to the rules of someone else or your own?

Follow the safe path or listen to your nudges?

Follow the safe path or listen to your nudges?

Let me give you a visual… it’s a thought that came to me a few weeks ago when I was trying for my brain to shut off and go to sleep but instead, this is what transpired:

You’re walking in the forest on a clear path and as you are walking you feel the nudge to go off the beaten path. But you stop yourself in the tracks because you don’t see what lies ahead.

One the clear path you can see where you are going. It feels safe and comfortable. And the path that you are being nudged to take is quite the opposite because it feels a little scary.

Maybe if you listen to your nudge you come across the most beautiful meadow or you come across a wild animal.

Now here is the thing, that wild animal can still meet you along the clear path but you may miss one of the most beautiful views you’ve ever thought possible.

Which will you choose? The safe and clear path or the unknown path?

This is what “taking your idea and running with it” means to me. It’s when an idea comes and I choose to head into the unknown and am rewarded with one of the coolest experiences ever. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel the fear or the doubts that “what if this doesn’t work out”.

It means to follow one thought, one idea and take action on it, even if you don’t know what to expect.

But if I don’t take action I could be missing out on the best thing ever and that perhaps is my bigger fear. The fear that I missed an opportunity to take my life to the next level.

This life is an amazing journey and sometimes you have to take the path less traveled. The one that only you can go on because you are without question being nudged to take it – even if other’s and your ego are sending you the warning signals that it isn’t safe.

What nudges have you been hearing but have not acted on them?

Stop letting fear to control your life

Stop letting fear to control your life

The only thing that is constant, is change. And yet here you are afraid of it like it’s some kind of horror movie. Take a look at your life and you will see that nothing stayed the same. Change happens in small or big leaps and you may not be able to see the subtle changes, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

Any change, positive or negative, is going to create an element of fear such as starting a new relationship or losing your job.

Would you be surprised if I tell you that there a benefit to your fear? And that it doesn’t have to be as scary as you make it out to be?

But first let’s look at the reasons behind you fear, when you get some insight on this, you will be able to take action anyway.

You, including me, are afraid of the unknown because you don’t know what’s on the other side and it can give you the case of anxiety. Your mind tells you that it isn’t safe and encourages you to avoid to take action or even make a decision. You haven’t experienced this before so you don’t really know the outcome.

I don’t necessarily believe in the wrong choice but you make the best decision in every given moment with the information that you have. Your intuition can guide you a lot better than your mind will because of your mind as powerful as it is, has the ability to cloud your vision. Here is what I encourage you to do, let go of perfectionism and the absolutes.

Perfectionism is an illusion and doesn’t exist and absolutes can just about anytime set you up to fail because you are so hung up at the “it is this or nothing”.

And this can often increase your self-doubt. But for just one moment, reflect on your life and see where you’ve had to make adjustments in the past and how you made it happen. Use this to move forward.

And yet, by facing the unknown and embracing the change you are about to face, you learn so much about yourself and that you are capable off and inevitable learn some new skills. Its timing may never be ideal but it gives you space to examine and evaluate your core values and take a look if everything is still aligned with who you are.

Self-discovery helps you walk your path of authenticity and therefore lead to progress as you are expanding your comfort zone. You are more resilient than you give yourself credit for.

Anytime I share about the struggle we endured when my son was fighting for his life, I hear from other mom’s how they didn’t think they could handle it or deal with it. But when you are not given a choice, you are going to show up the best way you know how, and you will face whatever comes your way. Sometimes gracefully and sometimes not so much.

And that doesn’t mean you won’t face worry and anxiety along the way but by reframing the negative stories you tell yourself, and focus on the positive outcome that your forward moving action could lead to, it will feel better overall.

Now I am not going to encourage you to push your feelings aside because I don’t believe in that. I think we need to feel our feelings, how else are you ever going to grow and move forward and will ultimately make the changes in your life?

Your feelings are good indicators for you and your path and when you can name them, you are standing in your power and maintain your own control.

And again, something that may be helpful is to create a list and acknowledge the changes you have made in your life, what you have learned and remind yourself that you have made it through some tough times already.

Your life, your journey, is about putting one foot in front of the other. It’s about trusting your intuition and develop positive mindset strategies. And yes, there are going to be shit days but they aren’t all going to be like that!

You don’t have to face change alone because when you are surrounded by like-minded people and have a support system, transitions will become a lot easier to manage!

Check out the Rebel Shine Bootcamp

How to embrace the journey of self-acceptance and self-love

How to embrace the journey of self-acceptance and self-love

 

You are always being judged! It stands in your way of self-acceptance and ultimately loving yourself.

This isn’t a new phenomenon or revelation but since childhood. The way you played, dressed and did your school work, there has been an element of judgment. This shaped how you show up every single day.

And it can be damaging to you and in most cases. This is not meant to harm you, but it can hinder you in achieving your dreams. The reason is often the person’s own limiting beliefs and the person’s idea of how to live and be.

Let me ask you this:

  • Have you ever stopped sharing your dreams for fear of what other people think?
  • Have you ever not allowed yourself to consider the possibility because of how you may be perceived?
  • Have you ever not taken action towards a dream because you’re afraid to lose people in your life?

Small signs that you are allowing someone else’s thoughts, beliefs and judgment influence your life and your dreams.

But how do you move into self-acceptance?

By having a willingness to shed the stories you have been telling yourself. Some of them are small stories that you are barely aware of, while other’s may be more present in your awareness.

Those small stories are minor but directly relate to how you were playing with your peers and told, “you are playing too rough”. Or maybe you received a bad grade giving you the message of not being good enough.

The bigger messages are more present because they were more profound experiences such as your parents were divorcing, a loved one died, or maybe you have experienced trauma through abuse of some kind.

Those stories aren’t easy to shed. I should know! 

Accepting growing up in foster care was hard. It meant I wasn’t loveable. My parents didn’t raise me, meant that I wasn’t good enough. Because of the abuse and trauma, I experienced, it somehow was my fault.

And the reality was that growing up in foster care didn’t have anything to do with me but had everything to do with my parents. And the trauma that I experienced was more about the other person than myself.

There comes a point in your life where compassion, forgiveness, and self-acceptance are the essence of learning to love yourself, despite your experiences and the stories you hang onto.

It’s acknowledging that loving yourself is not only trusting yourself but that healing those parts of your story that keep you in your fear and the judgment is breaking those chains of personal confinement.

And there is so much goodness within you and about you!

A simple exercise that can get you closer to accepting who you are and loving yourself is to create a mind-map about you.

Answer the questions:  

  • What do you love about yourself?
  • What are your strengths?
  • What are your values?
  • Who are you?

Don’t hold back on your answers and really dig into who you are and all your awesomeness.

The moment you can see all the positives about yourself, the easier it is to shed the stories others have helped you create.

And then it just becomes a matter of letting go.

Let go of fear and the judgment.

Love yourself for who you are and stop worrying about what other people will think about you.

Stop allowing them to interfere with your dreams.

And then it just becomes a matter of letting go.

Let go of fear and the judgment.

Love yourself for who you are and stop worrying about what other people will think about you.

Stop allowing them to interfere with your dreams.

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