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Petra Monaco

How to embrace the journey of self-acceptance and self-love

You are always being judged! It stands in your way of self-acceptance and ultimately loving yourself.

This isn’t a new phenomenon or revelation but since childhood. The way you played, dressed and did your school work, there has been an element of judgment. This shaped how you show up every single day.

And it can be damaging to you and in most cases. This is not meant to harm you, but it can hinder you in achieving your dreams. The reason is often the person’s own limiting beliefs and the person’s idea of how to live and be.

Let me ask you this:

  • Have you ever stopped sharing your dreams for fear of what other people think?
  • Have you ever not allowed yourself to consider the possibility because of how you may be perceived?
  • Have you ever not taken action towards a dream because you’re afraid to lose people in your life?

Small signs that you are allowing someone else’s thoughts, beliefs and judgment influence your life and your dreams.

But how do you move into self-acceptance?

By having a willingness to shed the stories you have been telling yourself. Some of them are small stories that you are barely aware of, while other’s may be more present in your awareness.

Those small stories are minor but directly relate to how you were playing with your peers and told, “you are playing too rough”. Or maybe you received a bad grade giving you the message of not being good enough.

The bigger messages are more present because they were more profound experiences such as your parents were divorcing, a loved one died, or maybe you have experienced trauma through abuse of some kind.

Those stories aren’t easy to shed. I should know! 

Accepting growing up in foster care was hard. It meant I wasn’t loveable. My parents didn’t raise me, meant that I wasn’t good enough. Because of the abuse and trauma I experienced, it somehow was my fault.

And the reality was that growing up in foster care didn’t have anything to do with me but had everything to do with my parents. And the trauma that I experienced was really more about the other person than myself.

There comes a point in your life where compassion, forgiveness, and self-acceptance are the essences of learning to love yourself, despite your experiences and the stories you hang onto.

It’s acknowledging that loving yourself is not only trusting yourself but that healing those parts of your story that keep you in your fear and the judgment is breaking those chains of personal confinement.

And there is so much goodness within you and about you!

A simple exercise that can get you closer to accepting who you are and loving yourself is to create a mind-map about you.

Answer the questions:  

  • What do you love about yourself?
  • What are your strengths?
  • What are your values?
  • Who are you?

Don’t hold back on your answers and really dig into who you are and all of your awesomeness.

The moment you can see all the positives about yourself, the easier it is to shed the stories other’s have helped you create.

And then it just becomes a matter of letting go.

Let go of fear and the judgment.

Love yourself for who you are and stop worrying about what other people will think about you.

Stop allowing them to interfere with your dreams.

Confidence Challenge – Day 3

So on day one in this challenge we talked about your vision and then how confidence either hinders you or supports you – or the lack thereof.

On day two we talked about creating a brag list and looking at all of your wins and then how affirmations and mantra’s can support you in keeping that high frequency going.

Today we will look at comfort zone and fear.

Confidence grows when you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and embrace the uncertainty. I kinda like living in the uncomfortable zone always doing those things that keep pushing me and ultimately lead to my own personal growth.
As you are looking or thinking about your 90-Day vision and your goals, consider the following:

What are you so afraid of?

Here you have an opportunity to name your fears, all of them. So make a list and acknowledge your fear. When we can name our fear, we can do something about it!

Now that you have your list, look at your fears and journal the worst case scenario and the best case scenario as it relates to your fear and your goal.

Now this may look at bit ugly and totally scary to think about “what’s the worst that could happen” but that is also why we look at “the best that could happen”. Because now you get to choose.

You get to decide to feed your fear or to starve your fear.

If you decide to feed the fear, your life will stay the same, nothing will change and you will forever wonder “what if”. But if you decide to starve your fear and actually take some action, you not only build your confidence, but you are ultimately changing your life.

So in the comments, tell me which you will choose today!

 


Here’s how to challenge your fear

All this week, I have talked about fear how it shows up, where it will stop us and how it is actually asking you to play bigger.

This is know to be true, if it scares you so much that you almost piss your pants, then you are called to step out.

Here are a few things that you can do to challenge your fear:

Start where you are in small and tiny steps

What really scares you is that you belief you have to make big huge leaps and it’s actually more about taking tiny and consistent steps forward. What tiny thing can you do today to move forward?

Believe in yourself and trust that you know

Think back about a moment in your life where you believed in yourself. Now take this feeling and transfer it into the present moment and really feel it as you are visualizing your next steps. Trust that you intuition is guiding you and that you know what to do.

Challenge that fear by writing it down

This is perhaps one of my favorite journaling activities because I get to proof fear aka the ego wrong in many ways. Take your journal or a piece of paper and write down your fear. Now create a list of evidence to show whether or not it is true or false. If it’s true, journal what you can do about it.

Do something different from what you have always done

This will without question challenge you and push your comfort zone which is the point! You aren’t going to move forward and achieve your dreams by doing what you have always done. You will need to take it and just get over yourself.

If you need some accountablitiy and support in getting over your fear, I invite you to schedule a 20-minute call to see how I can help you!

The Fear of Success and Failure

In my own journey, I have been more afraid of success than I have of failure. I think I have failed many times but always picked myself up and kept on going. But to really embody my vision, to really step into it brought up a lot of fear.

The challenge around success can be

  • losing friends and family
  • making more money than your partner
  • thinking you won’t have time for yourself

And really isn’t it just silly to think you are losing friends and family? Because here’s the thing, people come and go and not everyone is meant to stay in your life.

What is the worst that could happen if you find new friends or letting go of people who don’t really support you? I mean, you  want to be supported and hanging out with those that don’t believe may not be the best thing for you.

And so what if you are making more money than your partner? Is that really a bad thing? Will that shift your relationship or will it actually create room to improve it? Having an open dialogue with your partner is always a good idea.

And just think the more successful you are and money you make, you can hire support for your business and even in your home and boom there you go, more time for you.

But what about the fear of failure? 

Are you already expectin to fail so that you are not creating the product or the service? Are you expecting that no one will read your book and so you don’t bother writing it?

I suspect that this old messaging that you have learned since childhood. From your school days and bad grades to either not being hired and even fired. All of which may have said to you that you are not good enough, which is bull.

So how can you move through the fear of success or failure? 

1. Declutter your mind

The best way to declutter your mind is to write all of your fears and doubts out of your head.

2. Forgiveness

This can be huge because maybe you need to forgive a teacher or a former boss, so that you can step into your new belief.

3. Compassion

Be compassionate with yourself and others. This was then and this is now. You have learned and grown so much, don’t hang on to the day you were not hired.

4. Strength

Own your strength and make a list of all the things you are amazing at and what you do.

5. Celebrate

Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements no matter how big or small.

6. Journal

Journal about the fears, the forgiveness, compassion and your strength. Acknowledging your fear is a good thing because then you can look at it like a detective and see where the evidence is in that belief. Chances are that you have done so much more since you received a bad grad or were fired.

So what are you so afraid of?

Are you afraid that you

  • will fail
  • people don’t like you
  • that you could be successful

It doesn’t matter if you fail, what does matter is that you try.

It doesn’t matter if people don’t like you. what does matter is that you likes you!

And what is the worst thing that could happen if you were to be successful? That all of your dreams are in existence and that you can do so much more good in the world.

That you are in absolute control of how you feel, what you do and create the change you’ve been seeking.

It’s okay to be afraid that it’s not okay to feed the fear.

You must step int the zone of discomfort and push yourself into your own greatness.

You owe it to yourself to follow the nudges of your intuition, to work through the resistance, because I promise you that what is waiting for you, is absolutely beautiful.

It’s the feeling of OMG I can’t believe it and peace riddled into a ball of joy.

Stop being so afraid and take the next step.

And here’s the thing, you can do it on your own, choose someone completely sane-ish or you can work with me.

All I want to know is what happens if you don’t take action.

When will you say enough is enough and you stop feeling so afraid to be, do and have all that you want in your life.

Here I am inviting you to, Dream, Believe and Take Action.

I have 5 places I’m opening up to do exactly that!

  • Give yourself permission to dream.  
  • Believe in yourself and your dreams. 
  • Take action and stop wasting time.

We’ll start with an initial deep dive session, and then we’ll be working together day by day shift your mindset and start making things happen. This is not for the ones who are not willing to do the work and are waiting to be rescued.

And if you’re ready – 

And you are done being afraid

And you are ready to expand your comfort zone

Contact me!

If you waited for a sign, this is it!

The time is now!

fear

Caution: Don’t feed the fear, the ego might devour you

The biggest fears I have are always related to my kids.  What if they get hurt, what if I screw up .. you know parenting pains but these fears are different than the fear of following your dreams.

When it comes to following my dreams and taking action, the fear is small. I have fleeting moments of “what will other’s think” but in the end, I have this huge desire to just do. And so, I wrote my first book in 2009 because I could, wanted to and had a story to share. A

And so, I wrote my first book in 2009 because I could, wanted to and had a story to share. There was the moment of OMG, I am doing it and it kinda felt in part of airing dirty laundry but my journey is not dirty, it’s a twisted tale of my own betrayal. People were pissed off, perhaps rightly so but if they didn’t like what I wrote, they could write their own book.

And then I wrote my second book in 2011, again sharing a story worth telling because with a name like Lennon, you know it’s something amazing.

When you care too much what other people think, it can totally stop you from taking action!

And don’t get me wrong, at one point, I cared too much about what other people think. But something happened in my mid-twenties, I was already tired of not doing what I wanted to do and wanted to follow my heart and inspirations.

I took small steps, going to college and starting my handmade business. But there was a much bigger shift when my son was diagnosed with urea cycle disorder.

And there was what could be described as earth-shattering change when I saw my son not breathe and he needed to be resuscitated.

From core values, attitude about life and caring what other’s think were completely changed on a whim.

Life is too damn short to not be, do, have whatever it is you want to create.

I was listening to The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown and she said it beautifully: I am the microwave and you are the crockpot.

Microwave – inspired action
Crockpot – perfection planning and over analyzing

So don’t wait for the earth-shattering moment, to create change.

And don’t feed the fears because really what other people think of you, is none of your business.

Create the life you want by doing the things you want.