Just as the bird has to find the courage to let go of the branch in order to fly, so we also must let go of our branches if we are to know the exhilaration of soaring to the highest potential of our life. The branches we hold to are our inner attachments – our beliefs, ideas and memories. And then there are the outer attachments – people, possessions, positions and privileges are a few. But as long as we hold on to them we will live in fear (of letting go and loss) and we will never be free. And just watch those birds, by letting go of one branch they are able to spend the rest of their life alighting on a million other branches, and they enjoy the view from each. Are you flying and soaring in your life, or are you stuck on one branch, cursing others as they fly past? Go on, try it… let go! www.relax7.com
Too often I think we hold onto things, feelings, thoughts that are holding us back. I think some of the things that are holding me back are the feelings – or the thoughts of feelings that emerge – when I speak of my parents. There is that disbelieve, hurt, rejecting, anger, abandonment that seems difficult to move past.
It is quite difficult to let go of such feelings because they have been with me for so damn long. I don’t dislike the fact I was raised in a foster home, foster family and on my own early on.
I do need to let go of the fact that my parents will never acknowledge their doings. They will never take responsibility or will be held accountable.
I will never be close with my parents – ever. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting at times – but I sure do need to move past that… because once I can let go of those feelings with my parents or towards my parents… then I can recover from broken relationships.
My parents have done the best they could do – they were not in a situation emotionally to do more. Being a parent is difficult. I recognize that their own “issues” hindered them from being the parents they had potential to be.
But it’s difficult to live in a world where you are constantly loved and tossed aside … repeatedly… broken promises… watching your parents drink themselves into a stupor. It’s difficult to know that their actions have contributed to a lot of the internal damage – my issues.
Perhaps they did and do love me – in their own way but just were not able to handle it all. I don’t know if the pregnancy with me was an accident or on purpose – I know they “had” to get married – it was still the 70’s. But is that an excuse to be failing at parenting? I don’t know…
I don’t know what to really make of it all. I know that their actions early on in my life started to form the person I am today. I know that they are a contributing factor in my world of baggage.
I find that having this blog – and kind of exposing myself to my readers – helps me share my struggles – and in the process, I may find a way on how to move beyond my issues and just find the ability to let go.