In a previous post, I shared some of the benefits of facing change and moving through a transition. Any time you face a challenge, there are lessons to be learned along the way or when you are on the other side of it.
I’ve heard it all my life: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
And if that’s the case then by all accounts, I think you are a superhero.
But I also know that when you are in the middle of chaos, you don’t really feel like a superhero. If anything, you are struggling to see the light of day and hang onto the glimmer of hope. And yet, when you come out on the other side, there are a few things to reflect on.
When you are going through hard times, you learn that the only person you can sometimes count on is only yourself. It’s not ideal because support can mean everything and when you’re asking for help, you also have to decide who that person is you are going to reach out to! In the end, you are the one going through the motion and figure out the next step! Whatever challenge you are facing is a catalyst for change.
When you are in the middle of chaos is tough seeing all the goodness in your life. When your spirit is crushed from a break-up or a job loss and your identity is stripped down, gratitude may be the last thing on your mind. But at the same time, it can show you what’s important in your life, who your true friends are and learn to appreciate what is rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Some things that once had value may no longer hold the same as you are rebuilding your life through each challenge.
You’re human with flaws – yep – and you are bound to make a mistake. If you get fired maybe it’s because you are too outspoken (that’s me!) or you didn’t do the work up to your bosses standards. While initially bad news, it can also be amazing news. Maybe it wasn’t the “right” job in the first place but it can also help you recognize what can use a bit of improving so that at your next job you don’t run into the same problem! It’s humbling to face your own faults, but again they can also be one of the most amazing catalysts for you.
For me, it was what I needed to start my business. Sure it sucked donkey balls but as I look back at it now, it was the best thing ever and I was able to use it as an opportunity to go after what I really wanted in life and well being my own boss, has improved my life in many ways.
Your attitude about any given situation is what will help you move forward. Of course, feel your emotions. Be angry, feel resentful but don’t stay there. But if you don’t feel your emotions, how will you be able to move forward? But it’s also imperative that you develop an “I can” attitude that is fueled by determination, optimism and a dose of stubbornness. This will help you move forward and is definitely an asset you can start building before the crisis happens.
Here’s the thing, challenges are going to happen but how you handle them is the thing that matters. Face them like a superhero, and even they have days where they feel all the emotions, and yet, in the end, you will come out stronger, more resilient and more empowered!
The journey of healing is hard, interesting and a powerful one.
It’s taken me more years than I’d like to admit to looking at my upbringing in foster care in a positive light.
But I am incredibly excited to finally can look back and not feel ashamed because the reality is there is so much better I have learned that has played a key role in how I approach life and business.
Taking Risk – Now this has come with good and bad experiences but one thing I have learned is to not be afraid of taking a risk.
Strategizing – This has been playing a role in my survival. Learning this skill has proven to be one of the most profound lessons.
I am in charge – I control how I show up when I show up and the actions I take. Creating the life, I want, is up to me and the past does not hold any dark clouds over me.
How all of this serve me now:
It’s really amazing what appears to be so small at times, really has the most profound impact. Because I am willing to take a risk, I have started businesses, close them when they fell out of alignment and changed course as needed. I have written books
I have written books to share my story risking judgment and ridicule.
I have taken a risk in agreeing to my son’s liver transplant even though there are a lot of risks involved and lifelong medical care.
Taking risks is the cornerstone of being an entrepreneur. It’s like laying everything on the line because your vision and mission are so much bigger than who you are.
The ability to strategize allows me to see how to connect the dots from the big vision, working backward to the point where I am now. I am a visionary, the kind of person that dreams big can see that bigger picture and my mind just channels all the pathways to make it happen.
It’s the thing that I rely on when I hit a stumbling block and feeling the frustration because it will ask me to take a step back and reevaluate the strategy and come up with a new plan.
And because I am in control, I can decide which step is the best one and the next one. I can choose to follow the initial strategy or make a change.
This life is a journey and so is your business. It isn’t easy no matter what your past but if you can look at your childhood from a different perspective can make all the difference in the world.
Lessons are always to be learned and it’s important to reflect and acknowledge them.
As I sat in meditation this morning, connecting with my intuition, the word empowers came about. Fitting perhaps for National Women’s Day, but it’s been a word that has been on my mind quite a bit.
Feeling empowered is boosting your confidence.
When you make a choice to do something, to work out, to start a business, to change your job, you feel confident because you are taking control of your own life and the decisions you make.
It can be challenging when you are told you are weak, you can’t, or you should just keep playing safe. But one of the things I learned that even during the days I beat myself up for not meeting my own expectations, it’s really listening to the voices from my past who didn’t believe in me.
You make decisions every single day, some small and some a bit more daring.
Your choices can help you break free to be you!
Being you may be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. To show up as you, to speak your truth even if it doesn’t conform to someone else’s beliefs and line of thinking.
You have everything within you to create the life you want even if there are people in this world that don’t agree with you. Stand up for yourself to be you. Stand up for your beliefs. Stand up for what you love and hold dear. It can be downright scary and intimidating and it is easier to just go with the flow and live in the mainstream. But ask yourself, is that how you want to live your life? Is following the norm and playing it safe really what you want to do? And then ask yourself, if this is how you want to live or are you craving something different?
Make the decision today to set yourself free and empower yourself by creating the change you want.
Give yourself permission
You have permission, to be, do and have everything you want. And I’d be lying if I say it is going to be easy because it won’t be. It means digging deep into the stories you have hung onto. Some of the stories are easy to identify, but you have to dig deeper to really uncover the subliminal messages that are stopping you from creating the kind of life that you believe is only for the lucky ones.
Luck really doesn’t have anything to do with it. Empowering yourself to take action, the willingness to do the work and to really look at yourself from the inside out, that has everything to do with feeling empowered.
You have permission to bring your dreams to live.
You have permission to be who you are.
You have permission to say no when you don’t feel like saying yes.
You have permission to stand up for what you believe in.
You have permission to speak your truth!
Today make the choice to step into your power!
For many years, I couldn’t see the benefits of my experiences and the trauma. I couldn’t see that growing up in foster care, or that being raped or that being the mother of special needs child would come to me with purpose and that there were lessons to be learned.
For the longest time, I was the victim of my circumstances. The woe is me and please take pity on my because my parents didn’t love me or because men seem to think it’s okay to violate me and holy crap why was I the one to have a special needs child. Had I not lived through enough already?
But as a self-development junkie, a lover of psychology, it dawns on me that there were many great things I can learn from those experiences.
I have a tremendous amount of strength
We can’t always see that strength. We think that we could never go through this or handle that, but the truth of the matter is that we are all stronger than we believe. We do the things we have to do because sometimes we are not giving a choice, but we still muster on through!
I am resilient
There is no doubt that resilience plays a huge factor of why I am not a druggie or an alcoholic and merely passing by life instead of being present. We all have that resilience. We all can overcome any challenge or hurdle. There is this understanding that we don’t have to live in the past nor in that story and we create our reality.
I am creative
With each struggle and frustration, that I have encountered it requires a certain amount of creativity to get out of that. It becomes a matter of sitting down and realizing that we have options and that seeing this means we can be creative in achieving whatever it is we want.
I am open-minded
There truly is no wrong or right way, there is your way. This means that we need to be open-minded about other people’s teaching, advice or sharing their experience. Allowing new information to enter our awareness, allows us to modify and adapt what we like or don’t like.
I have grit and tenacity
Whenever a challenge, a trauma or a hurdle of any kind, your strength and resilience is supported by your grit and tenacity. Sometimes getting up in the morning can be hard when life feels like a crapshoot, but the fact that you still get up, well you have grit and tenacity too. It doesn’t always have to be big to embrace all this badassery!
I can love and accept myself
Even when other people have shunned me away or judged me because of my views and opinions, I can and do love and accept myself. Other people’s opinion of me doesn’t impact my life because validation comes from within. We don’t ever need someone else’s approval of who we are and what we are doing.
I don’t owe anyone an explanation
No is a complete sentence and I don’t have to explain myself to anyone unless I choose too. The notion that we have to explain our thoughts and actions to other people is saying we are not enough and to prove our worth we must forever sacrifice ourselves and give to others. But one of the biggest lessons for me as a recovering co-dependent is that I don’t have to explain myself. I don’t owe anything to anyone and either they are okay with it or not.
I choose what I allow
I always have a choice to allow negativity or positivity. I have a choice in allowing people into my world that either try to bring me down or lift me up. And you have that choice. If you want to improve your life, cutting out people that bring us down, by playing the victim or spewing negativity, we can remove them from our lives. Choosing to focus on positive influences and people that genuinely support us will ultimately help us grow!
Occasionally, I eat a Snickers bar while I have my coffee in the morning. I love doing things that feel good now and while that sometimes may not be the healthiest choice, it isn’t a choice that is going to keel me over.
I got to thinking and wondered where in your life are you denying yourself the best of what it is you want.
I decided at some time ago that I wouldn’t deny myself the junk food or anything else perhaps deemed unhealthy because I learned how to do these things in moderation and I am trained in nutrition, in addition, I grew up with a health-conscious foster family that grew their own vegetables.
But this isn’t the point of my story here.
Let me let you in on something, from 2007-2011 I dealt with my son’s medical situation and gained a bunch of stress weight I had been trying to lose since then after he was on his way to living a healthy life.
I started running, and I love running because it brings me clarity and allows me to get rid of my frustration and we all must find what works for us, right?
Anyway, I’ve been trying to lose this weight since 2011. I went gluten-free, I cut out this or that because soda is freaking bad for your health blah blah blah.
During this journey, I made the decision that I will not deny myself the things that I love like pizza or snickers. Denying myself of the things I like leaves me neglected. When we deny ourselves the things we want we become miserable as fuck and frankly we crave it even more.
I am all for making healthy and smart choices and 90% of our meals are cooked from scratch, hell I get my burgers directly from the farm. Allowing yourselves to have the things we like gives us the life we want, one of fulfillment.
When we go after what it is we want and couple it with ease and flow, magical things happen. Like I lost a total of 40 lbs. since 2012 – 15 lbs. specifically in the last 6 months.
Imagine if you give yourself permission to include things you like and want – I don’t care if you do it moderation because you are still enjoying all that life has to offer.
I don’t deny myself anything and I am choosing to have a life of ease and flow to bring in the freedom I want and live the life of freedom.
So please don’t deny yourself what you want, just maybe get clear why you want it 🙂