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Foster Care

What being in Foster Care has taught me about life and business

The journey of healing is hard, interesting and a powerful one.

It’s taken me more years than I’d like to admit to looking at my upbringing in foster care in a positive light.

But I am incredibly excited to finally be able to look back and not feel ashamed because the reality is there is so much goodness I have learned that has played a key role in how I approach life and business.

The Lessons:

Taking Risk – Now this has come with good and bad experiences but one thing I have learned is to not be afraid of taking a risk.

Strategizing – This has been played a role in my survival. Learning this skill has proven to be one of the most profound lessons.

I am in charge – I control how I show up when I show up and the actions I take. Creating the life I want, is really up to me and the past does not hold any dark clouds over me.

How all of this serve me now:

It’s really amazing what appears to me so small at times, really has the most profound impact. Because I am willing to take a risk, I have started businesses, close them when they fell out of alignment and changed course as needed. I have written books

I have written books to share my story risking judgment and ridicule.

I have taken a risk in agreeing to my son’s liver transplant even though there are a lot of risks involved and lifelong medical care.

Taking risks is the cornerstone of being an entrepreneur. It’s like laying everything on the line because your vision and mission are so much bigger than who you are.

The ability to strategize allows me to see how to connect the dots from the big vision, working backward to the point where I am now. I am a visionary, the kind of person that dreams big can see that bigger picture and my mind just channels all the pathways to make it happen.

It’s the thing that I rely on when I hit a stumbling block and feeling the frustration because it will ask me to take a step back and reevaluate the strategy and come up with a new plan.

And because I am in control, I can decide which step is the best one and the next one. I have the ability to choose to follow the initial strategy or make a change.

This life is a journey and so is your business. It isn’t easy no matter what your past but if you can take a look at your childhood from a different perspective can make all the difference in the world.

Lessons are always to be learned and it’s important to reflect and acknowledge them.

If you are struggling right now with taking a risk because of fears and doubts, or need some help with clarity and a strategy, I want to help!

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What does empower really mean?

As I sat in meditation this morning, connecting with my intuition, the word empower came about. Fitting perhaps for National Women’s Day, but it’s been a word that has been on my mind quite a bit.

Feeling empowered is boosting your confidence.

When you make a choice to do something, to work out, to start a business, to change your job, you feel confident because you are taking control of your own life and the decisions you make.

It can be challenging when you are told you are weak, you can’t, or you should just keep playing safe. But one of the things I learned that even during the days I beat myself up for not meeting my own expectations, it’s really listening to the voices from my past who didn’t believe in me.

You make decisions every single day, some small and some a bit more daring.

Your choices can help you break free to be you!

Being you may be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. To show up as you, to speak your truth even if it doesn’t conform to someone else’s beliefs and line of thinking.

You have everything within you to create the life you want even if there are people in this world that don’t agree with you. Stand up for yourself to be you. Stand up for your beliefs. Stand up for what you love and hold dear. It can be downright scary and intimidating and it is easier to just go with the flow and live in the mainstream. But ask yourself, is that how you want to live your life? Is following the norm and playing it safe really what you want to do? And then ask yourself, if this is really how you want to live or are you craving something different?

Make the decision today to set yourself free and empower yourself by creating the change you want.

Give yourself permission

You have permission, to be, do and have everything you want. And I’d be lying if I say it is going to be easy because it won’t be. It means digging deep into the stories you have hung onto. Some of the stories are easy to identify, but you have to dig deeper to really uncover the subliminal messages that are stopping you from creating the kind of life that you believe is only for the lucky ones.

Luck really doesn’t have anything to do with it. Empowering yourself to take action, the willingness to do the work and to really look at yourself from the inside out, that has everything to do with feeling empowered.

You have permission to bring your dreams to live.

You have permission to be who you are.

You have permission to say no when you don’t feel like saying yes.

You have permission to stand up for what you believe in.

You have permission to speak your truth!

Today make the choice to step into your power!

8 Lessons I learned from trauma

For many years, I couldn’t see the benefits of my experiences and the trauma. I couldn’t see that growing up in foster care, or that being raped or that being the mother of special needs child would come to me with purpose and that there were lessons to be learned.

For the longest time, I was the victim of my circumstances. The woe is me and please take pity on my because my parents didn’t love me or because men seem to think its okay to violate me and holy crap why was I the one to have a special needs child. Had I not lived through enough already?

But as a self-development junkie, a lover of psychology, it dawn on me that there were many great things I can learn from those experiences.

I have a tremendous amount of strength

We can’t always see that strength. We think that we could never go through this or handle that, but the truth of the matter is that we are all stronger than we actually believe. We do the things we have to do because sometimes we are not giving a choice, but we still muster on through!

I am resilient

There is no doubt that resilience plays a huge factor of why I am not a druggie or an alcoholic and merely passing by life instead of being present. We all have that resilience. We all can overcome any challenge or hurdle. There is this understanding that we don’t have to live in the past nor in that story and we create our reality.

I am creative

With each struggle and frustration, that I have encountered it requires a certain amount of creativity to get out of that. It becomes a matter of sitting down and realizing that we have options and that seeing this means we can be creative in achieving whatever it is we want.

I am open-minded

There truly is no wrong or right way, there is your way. This means that we need to be open-minded about other people’s teaching, advice or sharing their experience. Allowing new information to enter our awareness, allows us to modify and adapt what we like or don’t like.

I have grit and tenacity

Whenever a challenge, a trauma or a hurdle of any kind, your strength and resilience is supported by your grit and tenacity. Sometimes getting up in the morning can be hard when life feels like a crapshoot, but the fact that you still get up, well you have grit and tenacity too. It doesn’t always have to be big to embrace all of this badassery!

I can love and accept myself

Even when other people have shunned me away or judged me because of my views and opinions, I can and do love and accept myself. Other people’s opinion of me doesn’t impact my life  because validation comes from within. We don’t ever need someone else’s approval of who we are and what we are doing.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation

No is a complete sentence and I don’t have to explain myself to anyone unless I choose too. The notion that we have to explain our thoughts and actions to other people is saying we are not enough and in order to prove our worth we must forever sacrifice ourselves and give to others. But one of the biggest lessons for me as a recovering co-dependent is that I don’t have to explain myself. I don’t owe anything to anyone and either they are okay with it or not.

I choose what I allow

I always have a choice to allow negativity or positivity. I have a choice in allowing people into my world that either try to bring me down or lift me up. And you have that choice. If you want to improve your life, cutting out people that bring us down, by playing the victim or spewing negativity, we can remove them from our lives. Choosing to focus on positive influences and people that genuinely support us, will ultimately help us grow!

Don’t deny yourself the things you like and love

Occasionally, I eat a snickers bar while I have my coffee in the morning. I love doing things that feel good at the moment and while that sometimes may not be the healthiest choice, it isn’t a choice that is going to keel me over. 
I got to thinking and wondered where in your life are you denying yourself the goodness of what it is you want.
I decided a some time ago that I wouldn’t deny myself the junk food or anything else perhaps deemed unhealthy because I learned how to do these things in moderation and I am trained in nutrition, in addition, I grew up with a health conscious foster family that grew their own vegetables. 
But this isn’t the point of my story here.
Let me let you in on something, from 2007-2011 I dealt with my son’s medical situation and gained a bunch of stress weight I had been trying to lose since then after he was on his way to living a healthy life.
I started running, and I love running because it brings me clarity and allows me to get rid of my frustration and we all have to find what works for us, right?
Anyway, I’ve been trying to lose this weight since 2011. I went gluten-free, I cut out this or that because soda is freaking bad for your health blah blah blah.
During this journey, I made the decision that I will not deny myself the things that I love like pizza or snickers. Denying myself of the things I like leaves me neglected. When we deny ourselves the things we want we become miserable as fuck and frankly we crave it even more. 
I am all for making healthy and smart choices and 90% of our meals are cooked from scratch, hell I get my burgers directly from the farm. Allowing yourselves to have the things we like gives us the life we want, one of fulfillment. 
When we go after what it is we want and couple it with ease and flow, magical things happen. Like I lost a total of 40 lbs since 2012 – 15 lbs specifically in the last 6 months.
Imagine if you give yourself permission to include things you like and want – I don’t care if you do it moderation because you are still enjoying all that life has to offer.
I don’t deny myself anything and I am choosing to have a life of ease and flow to bring in the freedom I want and live the life of freedom.
So please don’t deny yourself what you want, just maybe get clear why you want it 🙂

Stop saying your broken and reclaim your power

Stop saying your broken or damaged because you are not. Saying you’re broken is like saying you can’t heal or do the things you want to do.

You are not damaged goods; you are an individual with experiences that may have knocked you down a bit but you are so much stronger because of them.

Your experiences enhance who you are. They allow you to really see what you are capable of and allow you to reflect on what you can change in your life.

It really fires me up when someone refers to them as broken because that means they can’t see their own worth and the amazingness within them.

Have I felt broken before?

Yes, of course.

I’ve been molested and raped.

And I felt broken for a long ass fucking time because of it. I questioned my existence on this planet, my worthiness of pursuing my dreams and my ability to parent time and again. I also questioned being worthy of love because of it, because at some point I inferred that because I was raped, I am not lovable.

Fuck that shit!

The decision to reframe how I feel and acknowledge my experiences have allowed me to acknowledge that there are some experiences beyond my control.

But what they don’t do is dictate my worth nor imply that I am not lovable. Because I am awesome as hell, compassionate and filled with love.

There is something we can do to heal ourselves. We can go to therapy, we can journal our thoughts and feelings, we can go to support groups, we can hire a coach, we can color to remove the anxiety.

Saying we are broken implies we can’t do any of those things to heal.

You can take a stand against those that have harmed you and left you to feel broken. Become part of legislative movements or become a speaker to support others by sharing your story.

There is so much power in telling your story but remember that your experiences enhance you, they don’t define you.

If you keep repeating to yourself that you are broken and damaged good, how will you ever have a life that you want?

So how about you start making a conscious effort to reframe your thinking. To take the experiences you had and recognize that they enhance who the heck you are and that you have the power to do something about it.

You are a strong, capable individual who has the power to steer the course of your life. Staying in the frame of being broken won’t let you do that.

There isn’t a single thing wrong with you. NOT A FUCKING THING!

Change your mindset, change your life.

I stand by this and feel super passionate about that using the word broken gives the assumption that you can’t mend your heart, you can’t allow yourself to feel good about who you are. It would mean that you can’t get up in the morning and decide to have a good day because fuck you are broken and who wants damaged goods?

Knock it off.

Own the power that you can recover and heal from any experience you have had in your life.

We have experiences that feel devastating to us. We process and recover from them differently, that is one of the unique aspects of being humans.

Take your power back and start saying you are enhanced by your experiences and remove the words broken and damaged from your vocabulary.

And for heaven’s sake don’t allow anyone else to imply that you are broken or damaged well. And don’t allow their opinion about your experiences to determine your own worth.


Taking on responsibility, so I can live!

Do you take responsibility for how you feel? Think? Act?

Or do you blame others for your struggle and your frustration?

It’s easy to look at other people and point the finger at them for our challenges. But there is so much more power in taking responsibility for yourself.

Let me share with an example.
I blamed my mother for struggling to be a good parent and have a good relationship with others.

I blamed my father for being controlling and not loving me enough and cherishing the alcohol even more.

For years, I blamed my foster parents for the abuse I have endured and how difficult my life had been.

I blamed the social workers and guardians for my misery because they didn’t give me the support I needed.

I was giving them the power over my life.

Yes, a lot has happened to me, but the real power lies within not allowing it to dictate my life. Over the years I have become quite the self-awareness junkie, questioning each thought and action. It helped me identify the root cause and now it was up to me to take responsibility to take action.

In order to create the life you want, to see the miracle that it is, you need to take ownership and responsibility of your own actions, and most importantly your thoughts.

It allows you to make decisions based on your internal guidance system.

Being a person that acknowledges this responsibility will help you feel empowered. Because you are making the change, you are taking the action. You decide how you feel. You decide how you will respond in each moment.

While adulting may be hard, taking responsibility brings growth.