How you deal with challenges matters

How you deal with challenges matters

Challenging times are a part of life. Big or small, you will encounter some difficulties and unexpectedly negative situations as you go through your day today. Sometimes it’s a blip on the radar. Others times may find you facing one obstacle after another. But here’s the thing, your attitude can affect the outcome of these issues. I am going to share some strategic ways you can deal with challenges. You don’t have to sit idly by as life throws your curveballs. These tips can help you to actually catch a few.

This too shall pass

It can be hard to look at the big picture when you’re in the middle of a crisis. Some years ago, I found myself living in a hotel room and it was stressful without question. However, almost every hardship is temporary. This difficult time will end, and you’ll move past it. It’s why I talk about goals because it helps you maintain focus. When you hit frustration, this can help you think more clearly as you work to overcome your current obstacle. You’ll be far better able to think critically and productively if you’re able to be optimistic about the future.

Try to Assess Things Rationally

Emotions can run on high during a challenge, and these feelings are usually of the negative kind. You may experience emotions like fear, anger, sadness and resentment as you try to rebuild your life or manage a crisis. While these feelings are perfectly normal, they’re also counterproductive to finding solutions. I am a huge fan of feeling your emotions because they provide clues but it’s easy to get stuck in negative emotions. When this happens, you’ll generally find yourself reacting blindly rather than making proactive decisions. Make an effort to remove the emotions from your decision-making, and you’ll soon see your progress shift in a more positive direction.

Remove Yourself from the Equation

I don’t think it’s a good idea to suppress your negative emotions because again, I think they are important to help you identify what you want and don’t want. But you may wish to remove yourself from the equation. What I mean by this is to try not to take it all personally and don’t ask why. Sure you can probably find all the logical reasons for why something is going down, but in a situation where the why is beyond your control. When we ask, “Why me?” Or get caught in a never-ending loop of trying to figure out what we’ve done wrong, moving forward becomes impossible.

Find the gratitude within yourself

Experiencing hardships bring value to your life. They show you how strong and resilient you are. Challenges often bring opportunity for change with them. It can also be transformative and exciting. Embrace any potential for the positive transformation you might find during the tough times, and you’ll feel more motivated to push past them. And in each moment there is *something* to be grateful for. For instance, when I was living in a hotel room, I was grateful for the job I had because I knew it would help me move forward. I was grateful for my family and my ability to stay focused on my vision.

These are a few strategies I’ve found helpful when dealing with life’s challenges. Give them a try, and you may find yourself more in control of your situation than you realized you could be.

Challenging times are a part of life. Big or small, you will encounter some difficulties and unexpectedly negative situations as you go through your day today. Sometimes it's a blip on the radar.
Heal yourself through loving yourself

Heal yourself through loving yourself

Fear and anger have rooted within you because of the pain and hurt you have experienced. Some of them you still remember while other’s have blocked themselves from your memory.

I used to be a very angry teenager.

I was angry at the world, the foster care system, the counselors, my parents and even myself.

I was angry at the struggle of trying to fit in and I was afraid no one would ever love me.

It haunted me and led me to make some potentially fatal and at least life to altering decisions.

It’s through each decision and experience I became a little more aware. A little more in tune with me.  A little more clear about what I stood for. A little more knowledgeable about what is holding me back.

Forgiveness is never easy and truly it isn’t about forgiving the other person, but to heal yourself through love and compassion.

Perhaps there are some things that can never be excused and it’s even more challenging to put yourself into someone else’s shoes to understand their thoughts and the actions that followed.

But something I learned over the years is that we all have some kind of ball of negative experiences that keeps itself chained to our ankles. And that in each moment, everyone is truly just doing the best they can with the knowledge and awareness that they know how.

It took me 30 years to figure this out. And even though there are still stories and experiences that come up and trigger some kind of anxiety within me and make me aware of the pain, I lean into compassion.

I lean into the pieces that help me take back control.

I lean into the parts of me that allow me to see that I am likable, loveable, brilliant in my own right. And nope you can’t always seem them because when you are blinded by the pain and the hurt and fueled by the anger, we can’t.

And nope you can’t always seem them because when you are blinded by the pain and the hurt and fueled by the anger, you can’t.

It’s time to start healing yourself through forgiveness and compassion and start loving the parts about you.

  • Start by making a list of the memories that haunt you.
  • Practice Ho’oponopono
  • Cross each line off your list after you practiced the following 4 steps
  • Burn or flush the list

Step 1:  I’m sorry

You are in control of your thoughts and also responsible for them. It’s easy to blame yourself for somehow being at fault for the experiences in your life. And it’s painful. And any feelings you have after the event will fuel your guilt.

These feelings and emotions may have caused you to

  • hate yourself which shows up in addictive behaviors
  • fear within and around you which you numb through food, drugs or alcohol
  • angry and you don’t know how to rein it in so you lash out

Start there and say you’re sorry. That’s it!

Step 2: I forgive you

Don’t worry about who you’re asking. Just state “I forgive you”.  

Step 3: Thank you

Say thank you for being the best you can be in each moment. Thank the universe. Say thank you for what you said I forgive you too.

Step 4: I love you

Say I love you. Feel it. There is nothing as powerful as Love.

I practice his forgiveness prayer often. Anytime a memory comes up that startles me, that makes me wonder, shows the emotions of fear and anger.

It’s important that you don’t fear your emotions.

Acknowledge them, explore the cause and practice forgiveness.

Grasping at my emotions

Grasping at my emotions

Today at a fire drill, I felt tears well up and it was a bit of a fight to not succumb. It’s a bit odd to fall into tears at a fire drill because I’ve not had experiences with fire or accidents of any kind that I recall.

I do know that when my son was going through his transplants and I was holding a vigil in the ICU, something happened to me. Something quite drastically if you will.

I’ve always been sensitive but learned to hide it well. I have also always been able to pick up on the energy in the room, the feelings of a person just by standing near them. But when my son was fighting or his life on the breathing tube, my core was shaken up and life took on a whole different meaning.

Trivial things like a tidy home seem to matter less. The way I took care of myself, following my dreams mattered more but not until much later when my son would be alive, playing and going to school.

I also became more sensitive than before. I used LOVE Hallmark movies but I find I can no longer watch them because I don’t want to be a slobbering mess. Cancer stories, the star-spangled banner, the amazing deeds by musicians making dreams come true and amazing proposal – I just can’t watch them without crying.

But I have realized that’s mighty interesting to me… you see before my son’s medical ordeal, I hardly cried. I remember crying when my foster parents would take me back to the group home (I was 6 at the time) – eventually, they would take me in and so my crying stopped. I had no problems life was grant, well not really but I learned to pretend well.

In my adolescent years, quite without a family so-to-speak, I was in another group home. But life was good and I was happy. I had friends that liked me and I was as social I could be ALL.THE.TIME.

I hardly cried though. When I was sad, mad or what-have-you I may have cried in the still of my bedroom but never in front of another person. It kind of changed with the birth of my first-born but never fully or to the extent that I cry now – though I still don’t cry in front of people (at least not if I can help it).

But then it dawned on me, my son’s medical situation truly did change me within my core. It opened the gates of my intuitive emotions. It’s hard to explain but perhaps you get it… I can feel which is something that I have denied myself for so long since my childhood.

For the last several years I found myself getting frustrated about the constant crying I was doing, wondering what the heck is wrong with me, just to realize now that there is NOTHING wrong with me.

I am a sensitive person who feels everything all the time and while I can manage most days well there are those fleeting moments when my emotions must be released. I noticed that in my work, I pick up other people’s feelings and in some instances, they may be carrying along with me until I have a moment to let go.

I find I cry in moments that are so utterly and completely align with me and where I am in this universe. I wasn’t too keen on this happening during a fire drill but man what a great insightful journey this is.

So be kind to yourself on your journey 🙂