Create Freedom with Boundaries Series, a three-part series in helping you identify what you need, communicate them and maintain them.
Today I want to talk about how we can communicate about our boundaries!
Odds are that the other person doesn’t even recognize that they have crossed a boundary. And it’s not really because they are oblivious to them. People are not mind-readers!
And speaking your truth, naming your boundaries can be tough, especially if this is still foreign to you.
An indicator of your boundaries being crossed is when you find yourself irritated. Perhaps you are responding to the other person with a cranky remark. Something was triggered within us, such as a crossed boundary.
First, take a deep breath.
Recognize if this is a boundary crossing.
And then share with the other person that this wasn’t okay.
People want you to communicate with them because just like you, they want to keep the peace but they won’t know unless you say something.
Sometimes it can be too much and you just need to give it a day or two before you can acknowledge this with the other person. It’s okay to create space from the event and then go back to the person and share with them what happened.
Now I want to add, that if the other person continues to disrespect your boundaries even after you shared with them, it’s time to evaluate your relationship.
Sometimes it takes a person a view reminders about boundaries, like calling after a certain time of day (life or business). But it this keeps going on, then it’s a huge form of disrespect and frankly, no one needs that in their lives.
Don’t get upset with yourself if you stumble over the words expressing your boundaries, like everything else, this takes practice.
In our third and final part of Boundaries create Freedom, I will talk about how to maintain them.
When you begin to refine your boundaries and establish a practice of maintaining them, there will be one person or another that is going to cross them.
The goal of having and maintaining boundaries is to remain true to who you are and create a life you design by your own rules. The challenge, however, happens when boundaries aren’t respected. And as a side note, being flexible in our boundaries is also a necessity because when we become too rigid in our them, then we are unable to explore and grow.
Some time ago, I was in a situation where I set clear boundaries of how I wanted to interact with a person. The challenge was that the other person was still pushing their wants and needs onto me, rather than respect the boundaries I had set. It was up to me in this moment to either be flexible and allow my boundary to be crossed, or to remain firm in the situation because if I don’t it would just continue to repeat itself. And what would the point of setting boundaries be?
I continue to communicate my boundaries, reflect on them, revise them and align them with myself in the current moment.
When setting boundaries, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone but for the sake of the friendship, it is good communication to share why the boundary exists. But just how to handle when boundaries are continued to be pushed, leaving you irritated and frustrated?
Write a letter to the person in the journal and release how you are feeling. Don’t hold back, let it all out and let it go.
Review and Reflect
Read the letter and see if anything has been left out that still needs to be said. How do you feel about the friendship, can it be maintained or does it need to end? You will instinctively know as you ask yourself the question.
Take a break from the person/friendship so you have some time to really think about it and get clear on how to move forward. Connect with your higher self during this time and continue to journal your thoughts and feelings in this situation.
Letting go of a relationship is never easy and staying connected can be just as challenging. Use these three steps to guide you as you are learning to have healthier relationships with yourself and the people in your life.
I can only image in that your heart jumped into your throat and wondered how the heck you are going to have the courage to do that.
I have been there! My spine was feeling heavy and my gut was doing summersaults. I knew I had to get over my fear or I would be stuck and never truly satisfied with life.
I’m sure you’ll agree that being able to sit down and have that conversation with a family member, friend, and even co-worker feels hard.
It does take some courage to make it happen, but let me ask you:
Are you willing to continue to be overwhelmed and stressed out or are you ready to set some boundaries and show people that you have respect for yourself? And moreover, that you love yourself enough to set those limits?
3 Steps to Communicate your Boundaries
Plan to have coffee or tea with them.
Give them examples of where they have crossed the boundaries
Ask them to respect your new boundaries
In most cases, people will hear you and respect your request of being mindful of your boundaries. There will be some instances where people who will continue to cross them. You will need to stay firm, they’ll get the drift and if they don’t you need to reevaluate your relationship with them!
Ask yourself these questions:
How far are you willing to allow others to push you around?
Are you willing to continue to live with icky feelings to maintain peace?
Here is what I know to the true:
It is okay for you to be who you are, say and express yourself how you want. No one has the right to dim your light!
Something that has helped me build my confidence is to journal about my fear and worries. I dug in deep and still do what I should gain and lose not setting and maintaining my boundaries.
It will get easier with practice and you will feel so much better!
I knew this day was coming weeks ahead of time. I wasn’t expecting for Lennon to spend the night. Apparently, this is what they do for every liver biopsy as there is a 6-8 hour bed rest requirement. And apparently, because we have had our share of hospital visits they “assumed” I knew that but low and behold, we never had a scheduled biopsy before. After the coordinator apologized profusely and I calmed my jets .. all is well in the world of Lennon who currently is sitting in his hospital, eating a Chicken Nuggets Happy Meal and watching some weird cartoon.
I will be anxious to hear about the results on whether or not he is still in rejection and the health of his liver.
Some things do not change – but the Lennon does. He’s older and wiser and speaks for himself. I am finishing this post with pictures of this day 🙂
I asked if he was nervous and he said no
The plan for tomorrow: go home!
When I am not serving up my wisdom on how to embrace your inner rebel, I create art, write paranormal fiction while getting lost in the latest episode of Criminal Minds while savoring a cup of coffee.