Create Freedom with Boundaries – Part 3

Create Freedom with Boundaries – Part 3

Create Freedom with Boundaries Series, a three-part series in helping you identify what you need, communicate them and maintain them.

Part One was about identifying what Boundaries are and how they show up.

Part Two was about how to communicate with other people.

I want to talk about how we can maintain our boundaries once we have identified them and keep the conversation going.

As we are becoming clear as to who is, how we show up and what we want, there will always be an adjustment period.  And learning to be okay that we will disconnect from people periodically is huge.

Journal in the mornings to reflect on the previous day, where your mind was with your boundaries. Were they crossed? Were they aligned? Did something not feel right, or did everything flow with ease?

Did you get enough sleep? Honoring your self-care requirements is important! Have you followed your routine that supports you being mindful in your presence?

Did you communicate when someone crossed the line? Or did you hold it in and allowed it to pass? Why?

People, in general, don’t always know where are all the boundaries are. And sometimes they need little reminders!

Communicating your needs is part of your self-care protocol. It is using your voice, your power to stand up for yourself when others can’t see that line.

Communicate them and know that having boundaries is the best part you can do for you.

When you know who you are and what you need throughout the day you will create the best life for you.

Boundaries create Freedom – Part Two

Boundaries create Freedom – Part Two

Create Freedom with Boundaries Series, a three-part series in helping you identify what you need, communicate them and maintain them.

Today I want to talk about how we can communicate about our boundaries!

Odds are that the other person doesn’t even recognize that they have crossed a boundary. And it’s not really because they are oblivious to them. People are not mind-readers!

Communicate!

And speaking your truth, naming your boundaries can be tough, especially if this is still foreign to you.

An indicator of your boundaries being crossed is when you find yourself irritated. Perhaps you are responding to the other person with a cranky remark.  Something was triggered within us, such as a crossed boundary.

  • First, take a deep breath.
  • Recognize if this is a boundary crossing.
  • And then share with the other person that this wasn’t okay.

People want you to communicate with them because just like you, they want to keep the peace but they won’t know unless you say something.

Sometimes it can be too much and you just need to give it a day or two before you can acknowledge this with the other person. It’s okay to create space from the event and then go back to the person and share with them what happened.

Now I want to add, that if the other person continues to disrespect your boundaries even after you shared with them, it’s time to evaluate your relationship.

Sometimes it takes a person a view reminders about boundaries, like calling after a certain time of day (life or business). But it this keeps going on, then it’s a huge form of disrespect and frankly, no one needs that in their lives.

Don’t get upset with yourself if you stumble over the words expressing your boundaries, like everything else, this takes practice.

In our third and final part of Boundaries create Freedom, I will talk about how to maintain them.

3 Actions on How to Handle Crossed Boundaries

boundariesWhen you begin to refine your boundaries and establish a practice of maintaining them, there will be one person or another that is going to cross them.

The goal of having and maintaining boundaries is to remain true to who you are and create a life you design by your own rules. The challenge, however, happens when boundaries aren’t respected. And as a side note, being flexible in our boundaries is also a necessity because when we become too rigid in our them, then we are unable to explore and grow.

Some time ago, I was in a situation where I set clear boundaries of how I wanted to interact with a person. The challenge was that the other person was still pushing their wants and needs onto me, rather than respect the boundaries I had set. It was up to me in this moment to either be flexible and allow my boundary to be crossed, or to remain firm in the situation because if I don’t it would just continue to repeat itself. And what would the point of setting boundaries be?

I continue to communicate my boundaries, reflect on them, revise them and align them with myself in the current moment.

When setting boundaries, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone but for the sake of the friendship, it is good communication to share why the boundary exists. But just how to handle when boundaries are continued to be pushed, leaving you irritated and frustrated?

  1. Journal

Write a letter to the person in the journal and release how you are feeling. Don’t hold back, let it all out and let it go.

  1. Review and Reflect

Read the letter and see if anything has been left out that still needs to be said. How do you feel about the friendship, can it be maintained or does it need to end? You will instinctively know as you ask yourself the question.

  1. Make Space

Take a break from the person/friendship so you have some time to really think about it and get clear on how to move forward. Connect with your higher self during this time and continue to journal your thoughts and feelings in this situation.

Letting go of a relationship is never easy and staying connected can be just as challenging. Use these three steps to guide you as you are learning to have healthier relationships with yourself and the people in your life.

 

3 Steps to Communicate your Boundaries

3 Steps to Communicate your Boundaries

In my last post, I shared what How to Set Up your Boundaries in 5 Steps, which included sharing them with others.

I can only image in that your heart jumped into your throat and wondered how the heck you are going to have the courage to do that.

I have been there! My spine was feeling heavy and my gut was doing summersaults.  I knew I had to get over my fear or I would be stuck and never truly satisfied with life.

I’m sure you’ll agree that being able to sit down and have that conversation with a family member, friend, and even co-worker feels hard.

You Bet!

It does take some courage to make it happen, but let me ask you:

Are you willing to continue to be overwhelmed and stressed out or are you ready to set some boundaries and show people that you have respect for yourself? And moreover, that you love yourself enough to set those limits?

3 Steps to Communicate your Boundaries

  1. Plan to have coffee or tea with them.
  2. Give them examples of where they have crossed the boundaries
  3. Ask them to respect your new boundaries

In most cases, people will hear you and respect your request of being mindful of your boundaries. There will be some instances where people who will continue to cross them. You will need to stay firm, they’ll get the drift and if they don’t you need to reevaluate your relationship with them!

Ask yourself these questions:

  • How far are you willing to allow others to push you around?
  • Are you willing to continue to live with icky feelings to maintain peace?

Here is what I know to the true:

It is okay for you to be who you are, say and express yourself how you want. No one has the right to dim your light!

Something that has helped me build my confidence is to journal about my fear and worries. I dug in deep and still do what I should gain and lose not setting and maintaining my boundaries.

It will get easier with practice and you will feel so much better!

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