Most often we wait to make changes until it’s too late. Until there is no point of return.
But you don’t have to wait that long until that happens.
You can make the changes you want, right now.
Because making changes when you are dead are pointless.
If you want to feel happier, have more ease, be healthier, be more open – just start doing and being those things right now.
We attract more the kind of life we want when we are open and already being, feeling and doing the things we have put on hold or are just simply ignoring.
I have always just wanted to be me and believed that it was so hard to do because I was unsure of who I was nor did I know what I stood for. So, it was easy to just go with the flow of others rather than going upstream, which apparently is my preferred method.
And apparently to find myself, my voice and figure out what I stood for, I left a relationship – not because I don’t love this man – but I felt I couldn’t make the changes that I wanted while being with him.
Which is ridiculous, although I feel that it would have taken me much longer. There was that point of no return feeling but I have since learned you don’t have to go that route.
Don’t go for a divorce or a break-up rather seeks the support and help you need to make the changes that you want. Forgive yourself for being so hard on you or the other person, and commit to loving yourself through it all.
Don’t wait for death to lose weight, rather acknowledge that you have allowed yourself to let go, forgive yourself for not taking care of you better and commit that you will love yourself in every way.
Love yourself right now, right here in this moment and commit to being a better person. Be that mirror to you and everyone in your life. Be the light and inspiration that will allow others to acknowledge that change and improvement can happen.
You just must be willing, right here – right now amid the chaos and frustration.
It can be hard to figure out what it is that you want when you don’t even know where to begin. And quite often when you ask you are being asked your immediate response is:
I don’t know.
It can be hard to envision what we want because part of us believes that it isn’t even possible to have and so we just tune it out with “I don’t know”.
To uncover what it is you want, look at your life right now. And we do this from working backward by looking at things that have you lying awake at night or put you in a tailspin of emotional chaos.
What in your life sucks that you want nothing more to change it?
In what area of your life are you feeling frustrated?
So now that you know what you don’t want, it’s time to look at how you want your life to be. When you can describe the different areas of our life, you acknowledge that areas that need work.
I caution to the wise, don’t worry about the how and that is where most of us get caught up.
I want x, y, and z but I don’t know how to make it happen.
Well, right you don’t but when you are exploring your ideal day, week or year by writing it down, your mind is already working on how to make those changes.
The how is really something that is coming naturally to you and you will only procrastinate on what it is you really want.
Here are some questions to start exploring your wants. Be sure to describe it in detail and really allow all of it to come in. Don’t allow your ego or judgment hold you back as you start exploring these questions.
Think it’s too far out of reach, write it down anyway.
- What would your ideal day, week and year look like?
- What do you want your relationships to feel and look like – and break this down by the person?
- What do you want your professional life to look like i.e. biz/career?
- What do you want your spiritual world to feel and be like?
- What do you want your finances to look like?
Now at the end of this, you will have a much clearer picture of all that you want. Your mind will work on how to bring it into your life through ideas, connections and mere thoughts.
Here is something I want to be kind of clear on, however, don’t just focus on the material things because they don’t really help you achieve what it is you want.
If you want more money you may want security and safety.
If you want an amazing relationship with your partner, you may want love.
If you want a certain career or business you may want more freedom.
So, allow your emotions to play a role in the things that you want because that is really what we are after and not all the material things.
Stop saying your broken or damaged because you are not. Saying you’re broken is like saying you can’t heal or do the things you want to do.
You are not damaged goods; you are an individual with experiences that may have knocked you down a bit but you are so much stronger because of them.
Your experiences enhance who you are. They allow you to really see what you are capable of and allow you to reflect on what you can change in your life.
It really fires me up when someone refers to them as broken because that means they can’t see their own worth and the amazingness within them.
Have I felt broken before?
Yes, of course.
I’ve been molested and raped.
And I felt broken for a long ass fucking time because of it. I questioned my existence on this planet, my worthiness of pursuing my dreams and my ability to parent time and again. I also questioned being worthy of love because of it, because at some point I inferred that because I was raped, I am not lovable.
Fuck that shit!
The decision to reframe how I feel and acknowledge my experiences have allowed me to acknowledge that there are some experiences beyond my control.
But what they don’t do is dictate my worth nor imply that I am not lovable. Because I am awesome as hell, compassionate and filled with love.
There is something we can do to heal ourselves. We can go to therapy, we can journal our thoughts and feelings, we can go to support groups, we can hire a coach, we can color to remove the anxiety.
Saying we are broken implies we can’t do any of those things to heal.
You can take a stand against those that have harmed you and left you to feel broken. Become part of legislative movements or become a speaker to support others by sharing your story.
There is so much power in telling your story but remember that your experiences enhance you, they don’t define you.
If you keep repeating to yourself that you are broken and damaged good, how will you ever have a life that you want?
So how about you start making a conscious effort to reframe your thinking. To take the experiences you had and recognize that they enhance who the heck you are and that you have the power to do something about it.
You are a strong, capable individual who has the power to steer the course of your life. Staying in the frame of being broken won’t let you do that.
There isn’t a single thing wrong with you. NOT A FUCKING THING!
Change your mindset, change your life.
I stand by this and feel super passionate about that using the word broken gives the assumption that you can’t mend your heart, you can’t allow yourself to feel good about who you are. It would mean that you can’t get up in the morning and decide to have a good day because fuck you are broken and who wants damaged goods?
Knock it off.
Own the power that you can recover and heal from any experience you have had in your life.
We have experiences that feel devastating to us. We process and recover from them differently, that is one of the unique aspects of being humans.
Take your power back and start saying you are enhanced by your experiences and remove the words broken and damaged from your vocabulary.
And for heaven’s sake don’t allow anyone else to imply that you are broken or damaged well. And don’t allow their opinion about your experiences to determine your own worth.
Fear is useful because it provides us with a signal of danger or we are at risk. But to stop playing small we need to face it and push through it instead of hiding from it.
We are hard working so we can avoid failure but self-limiting beliefs will push your clients away, tell you that you can’t be successful and you wonder if anyone will ever hear your message. This causes you to procrastinate and doesn’t allow you to acknowledge your worth.
When you reflect on past events that hadn’t gone as hoped or even as planned, take them as a learning lesson. Look at the actions that lead to the outcome and take note of what not to repeat or what you could do to improve on them.
Fear has the powerful ability to enhance our intuition. When you know, someone hasn’t been truthful with you, you learn to detect that in them and others. Your intuition is your internal warning system.
Failing at something doesn’t make you a failure.
It boosts your own strength because you can acknowledge that you have overcome some other challenging times and you have now more experienced.
Every time you fall, you will get back up and keep moving forward.
On the flip side of failure is the success.
So, what would it mean you are successful in your business?
Or perhaps you are becoming a best-selling author?
Or maybe you go after that promotion at your job?
You may fear what people will think of you such as you’re too good to hang out with because your income changed, your business up-leveled and you are all over sudden famous.
Maybe you fear that you end up all alone?
But your friends and family are probably super excited for you – and if they aren’t maybe it’s time to evaluate your relationships with them.
Success isn’t always rainbows and glitter but making a list of the pros and cons of a being successful at something can help you decide whether it is worth going after your dream. It will also help you get clear in some of the actions you will need to take to make it all happen.
Feeling successful is rising above the fear.
Before I really started to make money in my business I feared to be visible. By facing this fear and turning it into a goal helped me to really put myself out there.
My fear really stems from feeling abandon in my childhood, and it held me back because somewhere deep down I believed that if I’m successful my friends would abandon me.
But I also know that since becoming more visible, people are watching me. They are watching my actions, the words that I say and evaluate if I am real or not in my message.
And for everyone that is watching me, people are also watching you – and we are setting an example to inspire and motivate and help others believe that it is possible.
One of the things that have us playing small or downplaying our achievements because we tend to not want to outshine others. But what if you inspire someone instead?
By achieving your own dream, you are uplifting someone helps and give them the gift of possibility.
Repeat after me:
Everyone has a different dream and I am going after my dream. This has no impact on someone else’s dream.
You are setting an example of possibility because we are all unique when it comes to who we are and our own dreams.
Not playing big and going after your dreams will only leave you disappointed in yourself.
Think about your dream and your future.
What does it look like for you?
What does it look like for your family?
What does it look like in 5-10 years?
What will you be doing?
Where will you be going?
Who are the people in your life?
What about this dream brings you joy, happiness, and excitement?
Are you willing to crush your dream by playing small and continuing to self-sabotage yourself?
Fear everything and rise above it!
Your future depends on it!
But I don’t know what’s ahead!
It’s easy to stay in that comfort zone because it feels too risky to do anything else. The truth is that you don’t know what 5 minutes or 5 years from now looks like and by keeping yourself all cozy and comfortable you are denying yourself everything you want to create in your life.
Fearing the unknown only creates worry and when we focus on worry, we create even more worry.
So, let’s face our fear and rise above it.
Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen?
Go there within details.
Then write about what the outcome will most likely be like. Be realistic and honest with yourself, even when you must admit that your fear is ridiculous.
Now re-read everything and ask yourself which outcome is a) likely to happen and b) is going after your dream worth the risk.
Here are some tools you can use while you face fear:
- Create a daily gratitude practice.
- Use affirmations and mantras upon awakening and throughout the day.
- Journal about your fears. What comes up for you and how valid is it. Do you have any evidence to support this fear to be true?
- Create a success list and make this part of your evening routine. Write down all the things that went well on this day.
- Mediate to help you be in the now and in the present moment. It helps you maintain centered and have peace within yourself.
- Go outside and absorb the sunshine while taking a walk.
- Visualize your dears about the unknown, the success and the failure and in your vision, have them disappear into the universe.
Focus on the positive possibilities and outcomes in your life as you turn your dreams into reality.
And just like we fear the unknown, change is closely related because again it’s asking us to step out of our own comfort zone.
Decide to commit to your dreams and that you are done bullshitting around.
Some change takes time but then we can decide how fast or slow we want to progress towards our dreams.
Don’t wait to make the steps towards your dreams and embrace taking action now.
How bad do you want your dream of owning your own business or write that book that has been lingering for years?
You can achieve anything you want by believing in you 100%.
Write a book?
Make a commitment to write daily for a specified amount of time.
Starting a business part of your dream?
Start researching and learning everything you can about being a business owner and all the things that need to get done.
Whatever your dream is, the time to start is NOW.
Face Everything and Rise means you acknowledge your fears and limiting beliefs and decide to not let them stop you from making your dreams happen.
Envision yourself in the future.
What personality traits do you have?
What does your mindset look like?
Take on those characteristics now. Decide that you will not allow yourself to hold back any longer and you are committed to who you are and your dream.
Here are the steps:
- Stop feeding the fear and limiting beliefs
- Believe in yourself
- Create your life right now as if it’s already happening.
When committing yourself to face your fear, be really clear on why you want to achieve this dream.
Write in detail why you want to make this dream happen and what it will mean to you.
Every time you encounter a fear use this template to help you push through.
What am I being afraid of?
Actions steps to face the fear and rise:
Get your head right and get into the damn game of life
Do you want to know how many times I hear why someone can’t do something?
And every single time, I call bullshit, because that is exactly what it is.
Isn’t it time to get your head out of your ass.
I mean, our past does not define who we are and what we can achieve.
We define that.
We dictate on whether we are going to write that book, get that dream job or have these amazing businesses.
BUT if you keep telling yourself that you don’t deserve it, that you are not worthy, you will not achieve all those dreams bottled up inside. And seriously, is that how you want to live?
Life is so much bigger than the stories we tell ourselves. We, not the little kids told to be silent, playing quietly in the corner. We are not children anymore, we don’t have to stay well-behaved because we might cause a ruckus.
It is time to step out of the damn shadows of your past and stand in the light and shine your spirit into this world. Be energetic and excited about the possibilities but for crying out loud stop talking about how miserable your childhood was.
Enough is enough.
Time whining and complaining about the way things are right now because you know what, you have a damn choice.
Decide to change.
Commit to the change!
Do the change!
All that fear and self-doubt is just extra noise keeping you stuck on that treadmill going nowhere when instead you could be running that marathon amongst beautiful trails and mountainside and.
Imagine getting into your car with a destination and driving down the best route ever with amazing places to visit and delicious food along the way. This, my friend, is living, not talking about how bad you were treated by mom or dad.
Trust me I get it. Did I grow up in foster care remember? But hanging onto my mom and dad’s stories, and all that other shit doesn’t do me any good. It’s wasted energy on things I cannot change. Instead I choose to be the best me and have the best life I can envision and of course make happen.
I can’t change your life for you.
You must be committed and willing to look at the cold hard truth of your so-called baggage and allow yourself to be challenged, so you can step into that damn power and finally take control of your life.
So, what’s it going to be, living a life in which you are stuck and procrastinate to going after what you want, or a life of going after your dreams and make shit happen?