We all have a vision of what we want our life and our business to look like.
And we get super excited about the possibility that this could happen like in real life.
But then this is what happens:
I am not good enough.
I am not worthy.
I don’t feel qualified.
No one wants to hear what I have to say, let alone what I do.
This is all the crap we tell ourselves of why we shouldn’t go after that life or business that we want to build because we have this deep-rooted believe that this can only happen to other people.
But it’s all just shit that we brought with us from our experiences in childhood and it’s been my experiences it all relates to some form of abandonment and not being able to really have permission to grieve our loss.
Perhaps you came from a broken home.
Perhaps you grew up in a blended family
Perhaps you lost a loved one through death.
Perhaps you were raised in someone else’s home.
Perhaps you went through a divorce.
These are all experiences that cause us to feel abandoned and we begin to question our worth and wonder if we deserve to have a life of our choosing.
We don’t always know that abandonment can show up as fear because it seems to be an odd place to come from.
Take a moment and reflect on where in your life you have been abandoned, my someone.
Acknowledge it and pay attention to what you are telling yourself around this situation.
Odds are that you haven’t even grieved the abandonment because let’s be honest, it’s a loss and all loss has a grieving process.
We get angry over it.
We also great fear around it.
What if I _______________ (fill in the blank) and lose ___________________ (fill in the blank).
What will happen to you, to your life?
But here’s the thing if you have on to that fear of abandonment, the fear of losing that vision of your life, you will never know the truth about it.
We create our own truth through our thoughts and beliefs.
So, let’s change it and crush that fear of abandonment.
- Give yourself permission to grieve, be compassionate and practice forgiveness.
- Define your vision. Use a journal or create a vision board to really bring in what your vision of your life is.
- Create clarity of what needs to happen to make it a reality.
- Create a goal with deadlines and doable action steps. I recommend spreading them out so you are not overwhelmed.
- Take action, even when the fear rises. Just write that blog post, make that investment or start that business you’ve always wanted.
- Have a regular, I recommend daily, mindset routine. Through journaling, meditation, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), exercise and all the things that will bring your vibration up and allow you to really feel good.
Yes, being abandoned sucks but the reality is we all go through this at one point or another in our life. What will set you apart from everyone else is to not be stuck in this fear. You are compassionate with the other person, the event and yourself.
Tell me in the comments how fear has impacted you and how you will move forward!
For the longest time, I wondered why my parents didn’t raise me. I questioned why they didn’t love me.
Perhaps, I was damaged and less than perfect.
But how could that be?
I was a healthy blond-haired blue-eyed girl.
My personality! Was it my personality?
Well, how could that be? I was cute and charming like most little kids in their toddler stage.
It gnawed at me. What on this earth creations was so freaking wrong with me that my parents didn’t want me?
Until one day I realized that it wasn’t even about me.
But the damage was done.
The abandonment, the rejection and the feeling of never being good enough.
My co-dependent ways were then ready established because all I wanted was to be good enough to be loved.
So, I pretended that my life was so fucking glorious that I didn’t have a problem in the world. Everything was peachy!
Except for that deep down, it really wasn’t.
I was lonely, afraid and scared as shit that no one would ever love me.
I was everything to everyone for the fear of abandonment, for the fear of being alone. I didn’t want to be alone – ever.
Even as I grew older and the adolescent years were about, I was not single – nope not I cause being single meant being alone.
So many years of hell for the fear of being alone.
Until one day, I chose to be alone.
I chose to love myself and be the person I needed to be for myself.
I chose to live with the abandonment of what others thought of me, believed in me or even how they felt about it. It was none of my damn business.
What mattered was what I thought about myself, how I felt about myself and living my life how I chose to.
I dare say that being abandoned may just be the best thing that happened to me because dammit I am freaking awesome a fun to be around and anyone that thinks otherwise, that’s okay.
Just as the bird has to find the courage to let go of the branch in order to fly, so we also must let go of our branches if we are to know the exhilaration of soaring to the highest potential of our life. The branches we hold to are our inner attachments – our beliefs, ideas and memories. And then there are the outer attachments – people, possessions, positions and privileges are a few. But as long as we hold on to them we will live in fear (of letting go and loss) and we will never be free. And just watch those birds, by letting go of one branch they are able to spend the rest of their life alighting on a million other branches, and they enjoy the view from each. Are you flying and soaring in your life, or are you stuck on one branch, cursing others as they fly past? Go on, try it… let go! www.relax7.com
Too often I think we hold onto things, feelings, thoughts that are holding us back. I think some of the things that are holding me back are the feelings – or the thoughts of feelings that emerge – when I speak of my parents. There is that disbelieve, hurt, rejecting, anger, abandonment that seems difficult to move past.
It is quite difficult to let go of such feelings because they have been with me for so damn long. I don’t dislike the fact I was raised in a foster home, foster family and on my own early on.
I do need to let go of the fact that my parents will never acknowledge their doings. They will never take responsibility or will be held accountable.
I will never be close with my parents – ever. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting at times – but I sure do need to move past that… because once I can let go of those feelings with my parents or towards my parents… then I can recover from broken relationships.
My parents have done the best they could do – they were not in a situation emotionally to do more. Being a parent is difficult. I recognize that their own “issues” hindered them from being the parents they had potential to be.
But it’s difficult to live in a world where you are constantly loved and tossed aside … repeatedly… broken promises… watching your parents drink themselves into a stupor. It’s difficult to know that their actions have contributed to a lot of the internal damage – my issues.
Perhaps they did and do love me – in their own way but just were not able to handle it all. I don’t know if the pregnancy with me was an accident or on purpose – I know they “had” to get married – it was still the 70’s. But is that an excuse to be failing at parenting? I don’t know…
I don’t know what to really make of it all. I know that their actions early on in my life started to form the person I am today. I know that they are a contributing factor in my world of baggage.
I find that having this blog – and kind of exposing myself to my readers – helps me share my struggles – and in the process, I may find a way on how to move beyond my issues and just find the ability to let go.