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I’m in awe of my child and I know it is from him that I draw inspiration. We share the same strength and I like to think we have a similar attitude about life. He’s 10 and I am 39.
Yesterday we set the date for his next surgery (which is this coming Tuesday) and his anxiety is up – as well as it should be. I am trying to maintain calm and while this isn’t like the surgeries before, it still comes with risk, worry, and concern. The challenge is that we know what this surgery will do for him, the surgeons will not know the how until they are in the OR and see the amount of scar tissue (or the lack thereof) that has developed.
I am hopeful that this is hopefully the last “Big” surgery and that we will only encounter minor ones when and if we must. But it does not matter how small or big the surgeries are the fear and worries remain the same.
When the middle one arrived home from school and I shared the plans, he was like “oh ok, cool”. It struck me a bit. It struck me a bit as being too normal – and I realize that every time we endure something medically I leave him behind. It’s been such a challenging road to travel because the healthy ones always get left behind and the mother always bears the guilt – yes me too. But I hope we had enough conversations and what choices are there?
It’s all a bit much for my heart sometimes and I have made plans to unplug this weekend for some fun before Tuesday and the road to recovery, and I think this scares me more. Knowing what we have been through before and how challenging some of the recoveries was, it’s a bit unnerving. Although when he underwent the last transplant – he was doing well in his recovery process and we only had one little setback.
His attitude is unwavering and amazing and I wish more people are infected with his sense of life that he has taught me and many others.
Just another day in my crazy life 🙂