Boundaries are invisible lines where you space begins and ends and meets another person space.
Boundaries are also physical and non-physical in such that when someone steps too close to you and you become uncomfortable that someone crossed the line.
We all have our own comfort levels when it comes to space and what I often refer to as “the bubble”.
Boundaries are also feelings based on things we picked up over the years and were imprinted with on how we should respond to people in our world.
Boundaries are necessary!
This is an area I struggled with since I was 13, and probably even before then but looking back that is where crossing boundaries started to be more apparent.
I always felt I “should” do this or that to appease people because you have to be nice and saying no, well you were left to feel guilty.
The moment I realized how untrue this is was the moment I was able to claim my own power and align myself in such a way that if it feels like I should, then well I probably shouldn’t.
2 years ago I did an interview with Lift Magazine for Single Mums, and even now it’s quite clear that boundaries are always a struggle. We need to really get clear on our boundaries.
I rely heavily on my intuition, that gut feeling that tells me yay or nay and it’s so prevalent to listen to ourselves.
If you are overwhelmed with shoulds and guilt, it’s time to look at how you can claim back you, your time and a life that allows you to feel good.
But how do you know where to start?
- Make a list of all the times a commitment or an interaction left you feeling uncomfortable.
- Make a list of all the times that you committed to something but you really didn’t want to do it but you felt guilty for not following through.
This isn’t about creating more guilt, but more of an awareness tool so you know what areas you would like to change in your life so you can create boundaries and honor yourself.
Now that you have those lists, ask yourself how you would like to respond and engage in the future. For instance, when the feeling of should comes up, decline to commit or engage.
The guilty feeling will still be present but with practice, it will fade because you are taking care of who you are and don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed and exhausted due to crossed boundaries. Allow yourself to feel the relief because you honored yourself and made yourself important enough to engage in your own self-care.