How Fear shows up in your life

Fear is a bit of a tricky beast every now and again and it shows up in different ways and from different places in our body.

Fear is a signal of danger but the challenge is that you don’t always know if it’s real or fake.

If you are going hiking and standing on the edge of the path, and there is that possibility of falling, that is an actual fear because you fear the result, which depending on the height of the edge can be landing you in the hospital or worse.

There is some reality to that kind of fear because you know it could happen and you are being signaled to get off the path for your safety.

But what about the fear when it comes to our dreams and goals?

This fear is often self-imposed because you fear change, success, failure and even missing out. I will be covering all of this in my posts this week, so you can go after what you want and have a better understanding when fear is sabotaging you.

For today I am going to just cover how the beast shows up as that can help you as you move through the actions you must or want to take to move forward.

Procrastination

Procrastination is when you are having an idea of what you want to do but you just can’t sit down and make it happen because you are riddled with doubt and second-guessing. It’s the internal messaging system that signals you with limiting beliefs that you may be holding on to such as “I am not good enough, no one wants what I offer or I am a fraud”. These are things you may have picked up over time from experiences that chipped you a bit in your mindset and tend to hang on to. It is also a signal of not knowing how important something is. Procrastination is when you keep putting things off which leads me to the next point.

Lack of Clarity

When you don’t know what you want and where you want to go, the beast is telling you that right here right now, this is the best you’re going to get. Because there is a lack of clarity, you don’t know what you ought to be doing, what the steps are to get there and how it will all turn out. Having clarity will enable you to feel excited, and it does not mean you won’t feel the fear, but once you know, you are willing to go after what you want anyway. If you have clarity and you can make this idea or dream a priority, your ego will be a little more silent as you are making progress. But this brings me to the last and final point of today’s post.

Are you over-committing?

See the thing about fear is that the ego will find excuses and activities to keep you so busy that you do not have time to prioritize your own dreams and goals. And in the end, you are allowing the beast to win because you are not prioritizing your own stuff and then wonder why you are not progressing and again it comes down to fear. So maybe you could look at your commitments and get some clarity on what you are able to let go?!

When I first started my business, I didn’t realize that a lack of clarity for me personally actually meant that I have a fear of success and that procrastination meant that I have a fear of failure.

Here is what I know however that fear shows up for you to push through, to look at it for what it is, recognize it and know that you are much bigger than your fear and most importantly your ego.

14-Day Coloring Page Challenge

Do you pay attention to that inner voice that tells you to just be who you already are?

Does the inner voice also tell you what action to take but you make excuses and end up playing it small?

Do you wonder what can happen when you not only listen to your inner rebel but also act on what she says?

During the 14-Days you will tune into your own transformation and know that you are okay in all that was and all that is. Becase when you listen to your inner voice, you can see that you are a Unicorn amongst horses.

Sometimes it can be challenging to know what our purpose is but it will be easy enough when you make space through coloring meditation. A picture of who you need to become in the process will emerge.

During this challenge, you will ask yourself if you are really committed and how you can seek refuge to honor yourself and your own needs. You know that love – love for yourself – can heal the pains of the past and pave the way to the future. But coloring helps you maintain present in the moment.

You will tap into your bravery and get clear on who you are – although I already know you’re a masterpiece.

Tune into your inner Rebel and embrace what she wants you to know and what it will take for you to leap.

Every day for 14 days you will receive an email with a new coloring page and a few thoughts to tune into the intention for that day!

Cut Through the Bullshit

How many excuses a day are you making to avoid

  • healing
  • taking action
  • confrontation
  • setting boundaries
  • being uncomfortable

If I had a guess, I’d say a lot, like all day long.

I know because I have been there. I avoided looking at the stories I told myself, keeping me in the shadows. I didn’t take action on my dreams, because who the heck was I? I hated confrontation, and I am still not a huge fan of it but understand it’s the necessity. I didn’t know boundaries were a thing that could support and protect me. And I freaking hated being uncomfortable so I just didn’t face my reality.

I lived like this for 34 years of my life. I look back and can see where my inner Rebel nudged me, giving me little pushes to do the work I needed to do. It wasn’t until I was facing the possibility of losing my son. I have had miscarriages but this was so inherently different. He was 4 and he was alive. It’s his journey that made me realize the bullshit I was feeding myself.

Up until this time on one August day in 2007, I found all the reasons of why I can’t do the things I wanted to do, albeit always believing life can and will be better if I just keep going.

  • Foster kids don’t become successful.
  • Single Parents will always struggle.
  • Abuse and Rape Survivors never have healthy relationships.
  • Special needs moms will always fear the worst.

And I can probably keep going being a woman and an immigrant. But those themes I just mentioned are the ones most prevalent in my life.

Foster kids can be successful at anything and everything, just like their peers. In fact, I believe that foster kids make amazing entrepreneurs. We know how to survive in chaos, we understand risks in ways I can’t describe and we adapt to unknown situations.

Single parents don’t always struggle. Single parenting is hard as shit, don’t get me wrong. I raised 3 boys by myself, and even though I am in a committed relationship, I am still the one responsible for all the decisions to be made. And since each child has a different personality and different needs, a cake walk it wasn’t or isn’t.

And don’t let me get started on blended family living and the clashes that can happen within that space. But having friends and a partner that supports you can make all the difference. And just like foster kids, single parents are incredible with managing time, budget, work and their household.

I have been in a committed relationship for the last 12 years, not without dealing with some really shitty times and even left, and yet it’s my longest relationship I’ve ever had. But in my own healing journey, we were able to heal parts of us together. It meant cutting out the bullshit, stop looking at who we were and instead look at who we are now. It meant to communicate and yes even set boundaries within our relationship.

The more you know yourself, the way you think, act and react, the better you can communicate that with your partner. And when you do that, you are making space for intimacy and open the door for the partner to do the same. Now mind you, it’s not my job (or your job) to heal and fix our partners. We can only heal ourselves and be a mirror to those in our lives.

My abuse and trauma still longers but I am aware most of the time. There are sometimes, I am not and it becomes apparent in my mood and my own attitude. But it’s those moments I get to be reflective and remove the bullshit I may have been feeding myself.

And if anything in my life taught me to cut out the bullshit, it is without question becoming a special needs parent. I watched my son fight for his life more than I’d like to think about, but it’s his spirit and his tenacity that have helped me along my journey. He takes each day as it comes, no more no less. There are no stories about the past he is feeding himself and only dreams he talks about for the future. He doesn’t question any of it, he’s quite matter of fact about his dreams will happen.

And he has plenty of reasons to make excuses. But he doesn’t.

I get tired of hearing excuses of why you can’t do something. It makes my heart sad and every now and then I want to shake up awake and tell you that you absolutely can have the life you want. All you have to do is cut through the bullshit and see it for what it is. Your ego trying to keep you playing small.

Money Bootcamp and my journey with mindset

Do you ever wonder why you are stuck in life exactly where you are right now? What is that missing piece that will help you level up?

It’s mindset.

But more specifically it’s your money mindset.

I have always believed there is a way to make things happen and that life really doesn’t have to be so much of a struggle.

I’ve always known it relates to the story we tell ourselves and the impact of our experiences that have imprinted themselves into our person.

What I didn’t realize is that some of those stories are directly related to money too. Here I was thinking all of these years that if I change my thoughts, I will change my life.

And yes, for the most part, it is true. But it is so much more than that, and this is wat the Money Bootcamp is all about.

It’s like you are becoming an architect of all the stories and transform yourself into this amazing archeologist with this super cool finds, although sometimes those finds can be heart-shattering.

But in order to be, do and have our deepest desires to be fulfilled, we need to dig deep to unearth the roots of all things.

I started my journey by reading Denise Duffield-Thomas book “Get Rich, Lucky Bitch” and it was eye-opening. One moment what was a true reality, my father being an alcoholic, became a money memory of how I wasn’t worth more than a bottle of beer.

I joined the boot camp because I wanted to unearth it all and truly learn how to step into my own power, to rewrite those stories and it was a hard one for sure.

And I keep going back to take the boot camp again and again because there is always more dirt to uncover.

And Denise Duffield-Thomas has decided to once again run this boot camp live.

If you are ready to be and feel lucky and done being stuck, then this boot camp is totally for you!

Denise Duffield-Thomas is the money mindset mentor for the new wave of online female entrepreneurs. Her best-selling books “Lucky Bitch” and “Get Rich, Lucky Bitch” give a fresh and funny road-map to create an outrageously successful life and business.

Denise helps women release their fear of money, set premium prices for their services and take back control over their finances. She is an award-winning speaker, author, and entrepreneur who helps women transform their Economy-Class money mindset into a First-Class life.

And now Denise Duffield-Thomas has JUST opened the doors the incredible 2018 LIVE round of Money Bootcamp.  

In case you haven’t heard yet, Money Bootcamp is THE money mindset program for women who want to transform their money stories and finally earn the income they deserve.

This is a game-changing experience that is about much more than just money. Yes, when you join Money Bootcamp you’ll gain the tools, mentorship, and community to drastically increase your income.

What’s really great about Bootcamp, though, is that Denise’s mission is to empower women to step into their roles as the leaders they’re meant to be — in their lives and businesses.

This program will touch every aspect of your life in a positive way — and Denise has thousands of happy Bootcampers who are living proof of that.

If I were you, I would NOT miss this opportunity to join Denise and a global community of thousands of brilliant women united in sisterhood and a desire for greater abundance (for themselves and the world), for the next 6 weeks in her 2018 Live Money Bootcamp.

Join now! 

How to Focus on the positive

I am not going to sit here and say that focusing on the positive is easy because honestly, it’s not. In fact, it’s really freaking hard when you are in a shit storm and you can’t see your way out of it. And yet, I know that if you dig deep and get some perspective, the good is available to you!

Often times, when we think about our lives changing, we automatically consider the negatives that come with that. However, even in times of turbulence or stress, some good things can also come from having your world shaken up. Taking time to focus on the positive and finding the good in change is yet another strategy that can help you to better deal with uncertainty. And another truth bomb right here: life always changes and nothing stays the same and in a flash or with one decision the life you knew is different. Guaranteed!

But there are definitely a few things you can do to support you through challenging times and yes focus on the positive!

Discover Your Strengths

With change comes adaptability. We need to adapt in order to roll with the punches. You’ll soon discover some of your greatest strengths as you figure out how to handle the twisted life has thrown your way. Perhaps you’re more creative than you realized, coming up with some neat ideas to raise quick cash. Maybe you’re a good networker and can rally people to your side during those times when you just can’t do it all alone. Change can really bring out the best in us.

Become More Resilient

Another quality you may not have realized you possessed is resiliency. A resilient person gets back up when life knocks them down. Often, we have no choice but to keep going and not give up. Adversity can truly show you your potential to bounce back. In my own journey, I have had parents tell me they don’t know if they could be strong like me or even people in general. I am pretty much a master of adversity but I am telling you that when you are left without a choice, you will dig into your heels.

You do the best you can with what you know and it will be enough! Click To Tweet

Learn Something New

While it’s great to lean on your friends in times of trouble, there are also those cases in which changes require you to learn something completely new to you. This type of personal development is invaluable. Gaining new skills or discovering unknown personality traits is almost always a blessing. Instead of looking at a particular situation as a problem, it can help to view it as a learning opportunity.

Speaking of personal development, ask yourself, what can you learn from this experience? How can and will it help you?

There is wisdom in your answers!

Gain Self-Confidence

All of the above byproducts of change can lead to a tremendous boost in self-confidence for you. When you handle a big change like a boss, you can’t help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. Discovering just how strong, resilient, smart, innovative and creative you can bring a shot of feel-good chemicals like none other. And if you are struggling to find that bit of self-confidence, make a list of all the things you’ve achieved already.

Reinvent Your Life

Finally, change sometimes requires us to completely reinvent our lives. Out with the old, in with the new. There are just some life events that are so big that they will never leave you the same. And that can be okay. In fact, it can be absolutely amazing in some cases. When something happens that causes you to do a complete life turnaround without your consent, it can leave you feeling powerless. Turn that feeling around by considering the ways you can adapt to this bombshell and make it work to your advantage. Maybe a job loss can be the catalyst you needed to learn about that industry you’ve been obsessed with for years. Perhaps a breakup will force you to reevaluate the types of relationships you’ve chosen until now. Unexpected change is often the kick in the pants we actually needed to live a more authentic life.

Be the phoenix rising!

While all of these things may not apply to your situation, I hope you can at least see what reframing the idea of change can do for your outlook. By altering the way you look at your circumstances, you can move forward in a more positive and healthier way.

Having clarity of where to go, what to do and who you are in the process is only one step of the equation.

Get the confidence training to empower yourself!

How to find your inner voice when the world is louder

Do you struggle with listening to your inner voice? Do you doubt yourself and every inner signal you get?

You’re not alone.

It is really hard to hear your own inner voice when you are always available to other people but never make yourself available for your own interests.

Maybe you have people in your life you can’t see your vision.

Maybe you have people in your life who don’t have the mindset of possibility.

Maybe you’ve been listening to what society expects your life to be like.

It’s also easy to get lost in the noise with social media. Everyone keeping taps on everyone. You seeing what everyone is up to and then wonder why you’ve not made more progress.

When you are listening to people on how to live your life, what you should do and that having gratitude is enough you are stifling yourself!

So just how can you turn that around? How can you start listening to your own voice?

1. Start a daily writing practice. Whatever comes to mind write that down. Spend about 30 minutes every morning all the thoughts are in your head. Don’t restrict or restrain yourself from the thoughts. Freewriting helps you release your inner voice and give it the space it needs to be your guide. In addition, a daily writing practice can help you keep focused on your vision and goals you want to make happen.

2. Spend time outside in nature. Go for 30-minute walks and just be and allow your thoughts to roam. Your inner voice will make itself known. How? When your inner voice speaks your ego will argue against it, alas it will talk you out of whatever idea and inspiration you may have had. When you reach a moment of clarity, ego will question your judgment.

3. Disconnect from social media and do the work. When you are scrolling through the social, you will lose track of time and before you know it you’ve wasted an hour. During that hour you could have created art, written words for your book or spend time with your family. The less you are connected to any kind of media be it social or entertainment, the more you are able to hear your own inner voice.

Pick one of these activities and start doing it as often as you can. Writing every day will help you hear your inner voice sooner. You will be able to see who is speaking to you, ego, society or your own inner voice. Spending time outside not only helps you stay grounded but it will deepen your connection to your own inner voice.

Staying off social media helps you hear your voice more clearly and brings back the focus and commitment you want to develop to achieve your goals.