I still worry about my adult children

I still worry about my adult children

In recent weeks, there’s an article that has made the rounds stating that it confirms parents still lose sleep about grown children.

I didn’t read the article because I don’t need a study to confirm this for me.

I always worry about my children – adult or not – and perhaps I worry about the adult ones just a little bit more than my youngest one.

While I may have faced foster care, moving to a new country and being a rape survivor among other challenges, I do believe that parenting as a whole has been by far been the biggest challenge in my life.

I’ve cried a lot over the years because of it because part of me feels guilty. I had to be semi-absent for two of my children while my third was fighting for his life. During times that they may have actually needed me the most. And it felt like my hands were tied and no matter what decision I made, one or more of my kids would be hurting.

There are parts where I now reflect back and think perhaps we should have done things differently, bring them to the hospital more while their brother was hanging onto a thread. And we were merely protecting them but I also get that dying and all the crazy things we experienced are indeed part of life.

When I get into this feeling of guilt I have to remind myself that in every single moment I am doing the best I can with what I know. I can’t do more than that. I totally could do worse but not more.

And as I am watching from the side-line how my adult children maneuver life, there are times, I want to sweep in, give them a hug and let them know it’s going to be okay.

It’s tough, and I mean really tough seeing your children struggle with all things life and that you feel like you can’t do a damn thing about it.

It’s like a teeter-totter because part of me absolutely wants them to struggle, to figure out what they want and how to make it happen while the other part of me want’s to kick them in the butt and tell them to get their shit together.

My heart aches as I watch one of my kids struggle with his life and he’s losing his footing again after just having found it not so long ago. I know he’s hurting and I know that he isn’t going to reach out for help, at least not any time soon. I hope he knows that his family will have his back no matter what.

And in the meantime, my youngest is transitioning to high-school and we are facing a new challenge as he’s venturing into a different playing field.

Parenting at any level isn’t easy when you know you have to allow your kids to experience life, make the mistakes and hope will all your might that they can see the lessons.

My heart feels heavy today as I continue to watch and worry about all of my kids.

Can you name your struggle?

Can you name your struggle?

You know your life isn’t what you want it to be but can you name your struggle?

It’s easy to put your head in the sand and just become complacent about what is happening.

It’s easy to just resign and tell yourself this is what your life is supposed to be.

What is not easy is naming the struggle you are experiencing and then showing up to do the work and create the change that you are so desperately seeking.

When you feel like there is no way out and that everything you are doing is pointless, it’s simple enough to just throw in the towel.

But seriously, how do you think life will change if you just go back into your shell because life is too hard?

I remember living from paycheck to paycheck wondering if I would ever get out of the hell I was in order to provide for my kids.

I remember hiding behind a charade because I believed I had to – because I thought I was hard to like or love.

I remember being girl Friday at every single job, hoping and pleading to be noticed and recognized for what I was contributing.

And yet, in the end, I hurt.

I hurt myself by not recognizing what was causing me pain and not acknowledging that I allowed myself to struggle.

It’s so damn easy to be the victim to your story.

In this last year, something became very clear to me.

For the longest time, I blamed myself for being a foster kid, like there was something so flawed about me that no one could love me, not even myself. And I also believed that the stigma around foster kids was what was holding me back.

Here’s the thing, it’s not the kid’s fault that the parents are struggling with something that is supposed to come so natural. And yes, we can totally blame the parents for not owning their shit and do what society believes they should do.

Again we all have a story that isn’t a damn fairy tale.

But you have to name it. You have to acknowledge all the reasons within your story to understand where the work needs to happen.

And no one can make you do it.

You either show up for yourself and do the work – or you stay where you are and life will always remain a constant struggle.

If you want to dig in and aren’t afraid of being called out on your bullshit, then this Free E-Book is for you!

14-Day Coloring Page Challenge

14-Day Coloring Page Challenge

Do you pay attention to that inner voice that tells you to just be who you already are?

Does the inner voice also tell you what action to take but you make excuses and end up playing it small?

Do you wonder what can happen when you not only listen to your inner rebel but also act on what she says?

During the 14-Days you will tune into your own transformation and know that you are okay in all that was and all that is. Becase when you listen to your inner voice, you can see that you are a Unicorn amongst horses.

Sometimes it can be challenging to know what our purpose is but it will be easy enough when you make space through coloring meditation. A picture of who you need to become in the process will emerge.

During this challenge, you will ask yourself if you are really committed and how you can seek refuge to honor yourself and your own needs. You know that love – love for yourself – can heal the pains of the past and pave the way to the future. But coloring helps you maintain present in the moment.

You will tap into your bravery and get clear on who you are – although I already know you’re a masterpiece.

Tune into your inner Rebel and embrace what she wants you to know and what it will take for you to leap.

Every day for 14 days you will receive an email with a new coloring page and a few thoughts to tune into the intention for that day!

It’s a time to connect and a time to release

It’s a time to connect and a time to release

Do you sometimes wonder what in your life needs attention and where your mind overshadows all the things?

Do you wonder what is ready to burn down and what will ignite within you to go the next step?

Do you wonder what adventure is opening up for you and what message you can take with you?

Spring is always a time of rebirth and the tears you’ve shed over the past few months have cleared the path for what is ready to emerge.

It’s time to ditch the rules of society and tune into your instinctual cues and let the spirit of the wolf be your teacher. This can lead to confusion and when you feel this way, this is not the time to make decisions.

But with faith and grace, you are ready to emerge. Let by instinct, feel the sensation in your body and make space for it to connect to your mind. Together they will know what to do. Even if you are experiencing a time of confusion, use it to be still and patient. When body, soul, and mind connect and you allow the flow to move you, you will feel no resistance but know in every fiber of your being that everything is as it should be.

Connect during this time with music, art, and nature to activate your senses. Don’t be afraid of physical touch when you feel the need to be held. Connect with your inner self and allow yourself the space you need for that deep connection your soul craves.

It’s easy to seek sanctuary in places that you think are safe but you always have a place of peace within you that is your sanctuary and the time has come for you to find this place out in nature. Go find the trails, the meadows, and the mountains to seek that physical space for you.

Because this is the time to release shame so you can uncover who you really are. Look at the stories you tell yourself and find compassion for the child within you. Take time to acknowledge the stories, write a letter to yourself and ugly cry if you need to. And then rewrite this letter with compassion and understanding so you can take every opportunity to heal this shame and remember the innocent child within you.

 

 Want to tune into your inner Rebel and embrace what she wants you to know.

New Book Release: Rebel Shine – The guide to have your best year, every year

New Book Release: Rebel Shine – The guide to have your best year, every year

I just released my new book Rebel Shine and I am thrilled. Not only because I finished it but because people are already leaping into action and stop waiting for the right moment. One message I received:

Hey! Congrats on the book 👏 I bought it and started reading and I got this crazy idea (from your story)…

and this is why I wrote this book.

Not only to help you get a vision of where you want to go in your life but do it in such a way that every, year truly is the best year.

Rebel Shine is more than just a book, however. It’s really a guide to help you rise above from what is holding you back, so you can have the best year, every year. What would it mean to you to have a clear vision of the direction for your life and the dreams waiting to be unleashed?

It’s time that you own your own power and release the stories and belief patterns that have held you back until now. It’s time to tap into your imagination and embrace self-care while embodying an attitude of gratitude. Opportunities will emerge as you elevate your life and embrace vulnerability.

If your purchase the kindle version, each chapter is followed by questions for you to answer. And each chapter builds upon the other.

If you by the paperback version, there is space for you to write in the book directly as you move through each chapter.

I really believe that when we have a clear vision of the path we are wanting to take, we can move through our lives with a bit more ease.

I didn’t want to focus on a long-term vision so much, although that can play a key role. But I know that anything and everything can change at a moments notice and that is why Rebel Shine is focused on just one year at a time.

This book can apply to your life or your business or even a combination of both. It doesn’t matter where you are in your life and what is currently going on, what does matter is your willingness to embrace your inner Rebel and make those small or radical changes just waiting on you to decide that this moment right here, is THE moment.

And in the words of Meatloaf “what’s it going to be?”

A challenge for change – You won’t know until you act

A challenge for change – You won’t know until you act

Last months I attended an author event. It was the first time I had entered a writing competition and pushed myself into the lion’s den of being judged.

I didn’t know the outcome because winners weren’t announced until the night of the event. I’ve been writing aka blogging or books for over 10 years now but never once had I considered entering a competition. It’s not really my scene because I want to not care what people think about my writing or what I do. Ever.

Because the moment I start caring what other people think in terms of my writing or the work that I do, I create a space to shrink and play it small. And yet, if I don’t push those boundaries, how will I grow?

And so I wrote a 500-word essay and entered the competition. I found myself among some incredible human beings.

Challenge into Change is a forum for real-life stories about women overcoming personal struggles to find growth and healing. We invite you to submit a piece of writing of 500 words or less about a woman (yourself or someone you know) surmounting a difficult situation in her life. Both prose and poetry are welcome. Winners will receive cash awards; all entrants will have the chance to be published in our Challenge into Change book and will be honored at a ceremony at the 2018 Festival of the Book in Charlottesville. – Women’s Initiative

And what a humbling experience to hear and read the stories of over 80 authors who have had some incredibly challenging experiences in their own lives. We are truly never alone and the only time we find ourselves alone is when we don’t share our stories.

I didn’t win and yet I did all at the same time.

I won because I put myself out there and I won because of the comments from the judges about my story.

These comments sum up who I am as a human and as a writer. In fact, the point that got me is that through my writing they were indeed able to see everything about me.

But I am not going to sit here and say that I wasn’t disappointed. There was a small part of me that was bummed out about not winning. And that reminds me that I am human after all and that sometimes can mean the world.

I wouldn’t have known the outcome or this experience:

If I didn’t write the essay
If I didn’t submit the essay
If I didn’t go to the event

If you want to change your life then you gotta push those boundaries of your comfort zone a little at a time!

Last months I attended an author event. It was the first time I had entered a writing competition and pushed myself into the lion’s den of being judged.

I didn’t know the outcome because winners weren’t announced until the night of the event. I’ve been writing aka blogging or books for over 10 years now but never once had I considered entering a competition. It’s not really my scene because I want to not care what people think about my writing or what I do. Ever.

Because the moment I start caring what other people think in terms of my writing or the work that I do, I create a space to shrink and play it small. And yet, if I don’t push those boundaries, how will I grow?

And so I wrote a 500-word essay and entered the competition. I found myself among some incredible human beings.

Challenge into Change is a forum for real-life stories about women overcoming personal struggles to find growth and healing. We invite you to submit a piece of writing of 500 words or less about a woman (yourself or someone you know) surmounting a difficult situation in her life. Both prose and poetry are welcome. Winners will receive cash awards; all entrants will have the chance to be published in our Challenge into Change book and will be honored at a ceremony at the 2018 Festival of the Book in Charlottesville. – Women’s Initiative

And what a humbling experience to hear and read the stories of over 80 authors who have had some incredibly challenging experiences in their own lives. We are truly never alone and the only time we find ourselves alone is when we don’t share our stories.

I didn’t win and yet I did all at the same time.

I won because I put myself out there and I won because of the comments from the judges about my story.

These comments sum up who I am as a human and as a writer. In fact, the point that got me is that through my writing they were indeed able to see everything about me.

But I am not going to sit here and say that I wasn’t disappointed. There was a small part of me that was bummed out about not winning. And that reminds me that I am human after all and that sometimes can mean the world.

I wouldn’t have known the outcome or this experience:

If I didn’t write the essay
If I didn’t submit the essay
If I didn’t go to the event

If you want to change your life then you gotta push those boundaries of your comfort zone a little at a time!

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