struggleWhen I first heard the word abundance for the longest time, I thought it meant money and the kind of life one could lead because of said money.

I was always grateful for what I had any given moment, my kids, my health, friends and so on and so on. But it seemed it didn’t really mean anything in my life. Like great, I had awesome health but it wasn’t going to pay the rent or the electric bill.

I mean I worked and dreamed of making a better life. I managed to go to school and earned my degrees because I just KNEW that they would help me provide for my family and I would no longer live paycheck to paycheck.

What I didn’t realize that I had so much underlying baggage that I didn’t acknowledge and it wasn’t about the pain and hurt I endured from the abuse and neglect that landed me in foster homes. No, it was the underlying messages of it all.

I was rejected and therefore a good life rejected me too.

Who was I to earn a good living, provide for my family when I wasn’t good enough to be loved by people?

I was frustrated that these messages were part of my theme and my beliefs and part of the true cause of what was holding me back from living the life I envisioned.

It was incredibly harder when my visions changed because then I considered myself to wish washy. People always told me I can’t make a living as an artist and that I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too, and why the hell couldn’t I just chose a career.

And so, I did. I chose to become a counselor because if nothing else in this world, I wanted to help foster children because I know first-hand what it feels like. I want to be able to help them, support them and let them know they don’t have to do it all alone.

I realized I had some work to do. Work to get me to a place where transference would not be such an issue because of let’s face it I still had mommy and daddy issues and well I don’t know my family and that was an issue too. I started to blog. I wrote about family dysfunction and my mother was quite angry with me. It was only the beginning of being able to cut my cord from my past. I had realized years ago that I don’t need to stay in the shadows of my parents but I had no earthly idea how to move into the light until that moment.

That moment meant to share my story because it is mine to share. Share my story to help others and let them know they are not alone and there is always another way. I was beginning to acknowledge that because of my story I can do what I want and love to do (help others) and that my story mattered because I matter.

I started to stand up for my values instead of living and believing someone else’s values.

I started to stand in my truth even if it meant to rock the boat a little.

Because everything I did had to align with what I believed and wanted to do because it meant I was no longer hiding behind a facade. It was acknowledging that sometimes I have some crappy days and I break down and cry. I learned to take care of me, especially in those days. I could share that I have good days even though parenting can be hard on so many levels.

I finally learned what it means to feel good about your life simply because I stepped into my truth.

Abundance to me no longer only equates with monetary values because it is so much bigger. Abundance is knowing that there is opportunity in everything and that there is always a way and that even when we should make U-turns during our journey we will arrive at our destination – and usually never at the time we hoped but the right time.

I know now live in abundance that I can value. Life is still hard at times but wouldn’t change the thing and my life will only improve and get better because I continue to set goals to help me make it happen.

It really is about shifting your thinking!


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